Divergent from Four's POV
by Zariha321
Summary: This is the Divergent story from Four's POV. I know there have been several of these, but I couldn't help myself. Hope you enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Divergent from Four's POVs I own nothing…

Chapter 1

I move through the halls toward the cafeteria thinking about what lead me here. Two years ago I made the choice to come here. I chose a new path in life for myself. I loved the idea of this place. Dauntless was supposed to value true bravery, the small acts of bravery that test who you really are on the inside. Not the adrenaline junky, attention seeking kind of bravery. That isn't bravery, it is idiocy. True bravery is found in everyday acts. I believe this, but I don't know how many Dauntless do. Sometimes I wonder if I still belong here. Sometimes I think it might be time for me to move on and become factionless. Guess that is a decision that I'll need to make after initiation.

I decided to stay through initiation this year because I'd promised myself that I would do this for Amar. He was my trainer, mentor, and my friend. He once told me that he decided to be a trainer so that he could watch over people and help them to find out who they really are. Amar really watched over me through initiation. He guided me and helped me to become the best initiate of my year. Without him, I may already be dead. So after he died, I promised myself that I would take over for him. But I soon became more and more annoyed because Max just won't take no for an answer and Eric is freaking out because if I agree to do what Max wants me to do, I will take his position as a Dauntless leader. The thing is, I don't want it.

I enter the cafeteria and Zeke calls to me. He is probably my best friend. He is fun and funny. He has a good heart and isn't like some of the adrenaline junkie Dauntless. Don't get me wrong, he enjoys the occasional zip line trip, but he doesn't seek the rush in his day to day activity. He's a good guy, and a great friend.

He sits at the table with Shauna and Lauren. I smile and walk over to them. Shauna is also a good friend. She was Dauntless born, like Zeke, but she didn't do so well with the fighting part of our initiation. Things were done differently then. The first thing we did was go through our fear landscape, and then we learned the physical part of our training. That is what Shauna had trouble with. She was too ashamed to ask Zeke for help, so she and I would meet at night and I would teach her to fight. She got good enough that she was able to score in the top five in our initiate class. Lauren is a year older than we are. She is also a great person. She was a transfer, but I never really asked her from where she transferred.

I go and get my lunch, a burger and Dauntless cake. No meal is complete without Dauntless cake. I make my way over to my friends. Shauna is comforting Zeke, he looks distressed. Lauren is reassuring him about something.

"What's up?" I ask.

"Zeke's worried about what Uriah," Lauren whispers.

Today choosing day for the sixteen year olds throughout the city. They will all go to the hub in the city and will each choose one of the five factions, Dauntless, Abnegation, Amity, Erudite, or Candor. If they choose to leave, they are choosing their faction over their family. If they leave, the Dauntless will look at them like they are traitors and will shun them. I know why Zeke is worried. He worries because he knows that his mother is Divergent, so there is a good chance that Uriah will be. Uriah refused to tell Zeke what his results were for his aptitude test which makes Zeke worry even more. He confided this information to me a few weeks ago when I agreed to train initiates. He wants me to watch out for Uriah, just in case.

Divergent is someone that has aptitude for more than one faction. Being Divergent is considered to be very dangerous. The leaders, especially the Dauntless leaders don't like the idea of Divergent people being in their faction. If they find out that someone might be Divergent in Dauntless, they tend to disappear or meet a violent end. That is what I think happened to Amar. He watched out for the Divergent throughout initiation. He helped them to assimilate and hide themselves from the leaders.

"Zeke, Uriah will be fine. Do you have any idea what he is planning as far as what faction that he intends on choosing?"I say.

"No, he has been very tight lipped about the whole thing. He was really nervous when he was leaving with our parents earlier. I'm afraid he is going to choose to leave," Zeke says.

"Uriah isn't going anywhere," Shauna reassures him. "He would never leave you and your parents."

"He would also never leave Dauntless cake," Lauren says giggling.

Zeke smiles, "He does love his Dauntless cake."

He pauses and looks at me, "What time will they be here?"

I look at my watch, "In about three hours. It takes time to go through the ceremony.

We finish eating our lunch in silence.

"Who are you two training this year?" Shauna asks Lauren.

"I'm training the Dauntless born, Four is training the transfers."

"So you will both be around to take care of the initiates then?"

Even though Shauna is encouraging Zeke, I know she's also worried about Lynn. Her younger sister Lynn is also sixteen years old. Although I don't know why she worries, just after getting home from the aptitude tests yesterday, Lynn went to the hair salon and had all of her hair shaved off. She basically had nothing left of her long strawberry blond hair but a quarter inch of stubble. Lynn basically declared herself Dauntless, she isn't going anywhere.

XXX

Lauren and I stand around the net at the members' entrance of the Dauntless compound awaiting the initiates arrival.

The train whistle echoes above us, the initiates will be jumping from the train and onto the roof seven stories up. Some will not have made it onto the train in the first place. This is another place where some will not make it. Some will refuse to jump, some may try but fail. This is where the Dauntless find out if you are really going to be one of us.

The net is located at the bottom of the seven story drop from the top of the building above. Initiates will be expected to take a leap of faith without knowing that there is a net at the bottom to catch them. That part terrified me when I was an initiate, but I managed to face the fear and jumped.

A shrill scream can be heard from above. It's the sound of horror and desperation. Someone obviously didn't make the jump onto the roof. Dauntless won't stop or let anyone dwell on the death. They will be forced to continue.

Above me, I hear Max, one of the Dauntless leaders, shouting instructions to the initiates. I can't make out his words, but I know what he is telling them. He is letting them know that to enter the compound, they will have to jump. They are gathered around the ledge above the entrance where they will be expected to take their first leap of faith as Dauntless.

"Who do you think will be the first jumper?" asks Lauren.

This is an impossible question to answer, we have no idea who is returning and who has transferred. "Probably a Dauntless born or an Erudite," I say. Dauntless borns know that there is no real danger for them at the bottom. Erudites are usually the first of the transfers to figure that out. They just have to decide who is going to have the nerve to make the first move.

"You're probably right," says Lauren "Looks like we're about to find out!"

I follow her gaze up into the darkness. A dark shape has separated itself from the rest of the initiates and is on the ledge looking into the blackness. The figure stands on the ledge, for a few seconds. I try to figure out if the shadow is male or female. It looks too small to be male, so it must be a girl.

Suddenly, we hear catcalls and shouts from above. The figure jumps and silently plummets, quickly coming into view. If I'm not mistaken, I think I saw a flash of grey as she fell. She lands on the net seconds later. A laugh escapes her as she covers her face with her hands after she lands. Half relieved, half hysterical.

Several hands reach out to the jumper to help her off of the net and onto the platform. She grabs my hand and pulls herself across the net and stumbles. I grip her arms to stop her from falling. She says, "Thank you." She's wearing gray clothes, the clothes of Abnegation.

She is very small with blond hair and blue/grey eyes. She is pretty, nothing extraordinary but she has a classic beauty about her. Her eyes are full of a knowing, like she is much older than her 16 years.

"Can't believe it," remarks Lauren, smirking. "A Stiff, the first to jump? Unheard of."

"There's a reason why she left them, Lauren," I say. An Abnegation transfer is rare, that is definite. Hopefully she will be able to find a place in Dauntless much like I have.

"What's your name?" I ask.

"Um..." She hesitates. Possibly wanting to create a new identity apart from her Abnegation roots.

"Think about it." I say, a faint smile curling my lips. "You don't get to pick again."

"Tris." she tells me, with confidence clearly evident in her voice.

"Tris." Lauren repeats, grinning. "Make the announcement, Four."

I look over my shoulder at the crowd hiding in the shadows and shout, "First jumper - Tris!"

The crowd comes out of hiding. They erupt into cheers and pump their fists. Suddenly a scream erupts from above, another jumper drops onto the net. Her screaming sends the crowd into fits of laughter followed by more cheering. I turn my attention from the crowd and turn back to Tris, placing a hand on her back and say, "Welcome to Dauntless."


	2. Chapter 2

I own nothing

Chapter 2

We wait for all of the initiates to jump. It takes a while, but they all manage to make the plunge into the darkness. Most of them scream as they fall, some of the girls and even one of the boys are in tears once they reach the net. Once we have all of them are on solid ground again, Lauren and I gesture for them to follow us and begin to lead them down the tunnel to where we will separate.

"This is where we divide," says Lauren. "The Dauntless-born initiates are with me. I assume _you_ don'tneed a tour of the place." She smirks and continues down another tunnel with the Dauntless-born initiates in tow.

I turn to look at the transfer initiates; there are nine remaining, 5 Candor, 3 Erudite, and 1 Abnegation. They are an interesting looking group. I scan them immediately looking for strengths and weaknesses in each of them. Two of the Candor and the two Erudite guys are around six feet tall or slightly more. The other three Candor, one guy and two girls, are about the same height, the Erudite girl and Tris are about the same size and stature also. I'm surprised that I already remember her name. I guess it's because she was the first jumper.

They all look at me expectantly. I laugh to myself remembering how I must have looked at Amar on my choosing day. He was so intimidating looking. He carried himself with such authority and everyone revered him, or at least I thought.

Once the Dauntless born follow Lauren out of sight, I begin talking to the group. I keep my face hard and keep my voice low and menacing. I want to make sure I start off as intimidating as I can. I make sure that I glare at them and don't let them think that I could be even remotely friendly. It won't be hard for them to learn fear of me, pretty much everyone in Dauntless has some kind of fear of me, even if it is unfounded.

"Most of the time I work in the control room, but for the next few weeks, I am your instructor. My name is Four."

"Four? Like the number?" says one of the Candor girls. She's tall with dark skin and black hair. She seems to befriended Tris. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.

I scowl at the girl. What other kind of Four would make sense for a name? "Yes," I growl. "Is there a problem?" I hate stupid questions.

"No," she says quietly.

"Good. We're about to go into the Pit, which you will someday learn to love. It-"

"The Pit? Clever name." says the candor girl. I cannot believe that she is insisting on talking again. Did she not get my point the first time? Apparently not, I'm going to have to put an end to this.

I walk up to her, lean in close and stare at her. "What is your name?" I ask quietly, in my deepest most intimidating voice.

"Christina," she manages to peep out.

"Well Christina, if I wanted to put up with Candor smart-mouths, I would have joined their faction," I growl. "The first lesson you will learn from me is to keep your mouth shut. Got that?"

Christina nods. I think I made my point based on the look on all of the transfers' faces. I love being intimidating. I think Amar would be proud.

I turn and continue toward the Pit. The group remains silent now, until I hear the voice again. This girl is going to make me crazy if she doesn't shut her mouth. I can't stand it when they don't know when to shut-up.

Behind me I hear Christina whisper to Tris. "What a jerk."

"I guess he doesn't like to be laughed at," says Tris.

That's interesting. For a stiff, she gets it.

I push open a set of double doors leading to the Pit and guide them in.

"Oh," whispers Christina. "I get it."

The Pit is a huge underground cavern that accommodates an assortment of shops carved into the walls. Here you can find food, clothing, supplies, a tattoo shop, and leisure activities. Narrow paths carved from rock connect each room.

I love this place, it is chaotic and lively. People are everywhere; all dressed in black, and bustling about. It provides a much needed distraction from my thoughts that I can never seem to turn off, no matter how hard I try. I notice Tris flinch and realize it is because of a group of children who run down one of the paths. She'll get used to the chaos of Dauntless sooner or later. Preferably sooner, if she wants to make it through initiation.

I turn to the initiates, "If you follow me, I'll show you the chasm."

I meet her eyes briefly and watch as she takes in everything around her. Watching her eyes light up as she observes her surroundings makes my heart warm. I almost feel like she is investigating me as well. I've really got to stop thinking like this. What the hell is my problem. I turn to begin toward the chasm and feel her eyes on my back. I lead the group to the right side of the Pit, towards the railing that separates us from the rushing water several stories below us.

This is one of my favorite spots in Dauntless. Not many people like to spend time here because of the danger it poses, but I find the roar of the water to be calming. It helps to drown out unwelcome thoughts. The river is calmer to the left, but to the right, it constantly beats against the rocks, spraying water up towards us. It is a perfect metaphor for me, calm on the outside but inside always churning and dangerous.

The initiates gather around the railing to get gaze upon the chasm and the river that lies at the bottom. Again I notice Tris above all of them. She looks at everything around her with wonder and amazement. Watching her discover the new world around her is like watching her come alive. Her eyes light up, she is alert and awake to everything and everyone. It reminds me of my first day in the compound. After living in Abnegation your whole life, Dauntless is like a breath of fresh air. Especially for someone who doesn't totally belong in Abnegation.

"This chasm reminds us that there is a fine line between bravery and idiocy!" I shout above the roar of the water. "A daredevil jump off this ledge will end your life. It has happened before and it will happen again. You've been warned."

They all stare into the chasm as if realizing what I'm saying. At least one initiate a year takes a leap into the chasm for one reason or another. I wonder who it will be this year.

Next, I lead the group toward the gaping hole in the wall across the Pit that leads into the dining hall. The room is brightly lit and plays host to a few hundred people who are busy enjoying their meals. The noise of conversation can be heard above the noise of their clattering silverware. When we walk in, everyone stands up to applaud, stamp their feet, and shout. A few of the initiates take in the Dauntless welcome. I notice a smile move across their faces.

Tris and Christina find seats at a mostly empty table and I move toward that table to join them. I'm not sure what compels me to sit with them. I'm not usually one to socialize. I much prefer to sit with my friends or alone.

Platters of hamburgers sit on the table. Tris picks one up and inspects the patty. I remember the first time I ate the food here. After eating nothing but bland food, this food is the best thing ever.

I nudge her with my elbow. "It's beef," I say. "Put this on it." I pass her a bowl of ketchup.

"You've never had a hamburger before?" Christina asks disbelievingly.

"No," Tris says. "Is that what it's called?"

"Stiffs eat plain food," I explain to Christina.

"Why?" she asks.

Tris shrugs. "Extravagance is considered self-indulgent and unnecessary."

"No wonder you left." remarks Christina.

"Yeah," Tris says, rolling her eyes. "It was because of the food."

I smirk at her response. She is sarcastic and funny. She is full of surprises. I have to remind myself to stop making assumptions about her just because she is from Abnegation. She is clearly not a normal Abnegation girl.

Just then, the doors to the cafeteria opens and the presence of the person entering the room is enough to halt all conversations. I can't stand this guy and I would like nothing more than to beat the crap out of him just like I did every time I fought him during initiation.

"Who's that?" Christina asks quietly.

"His name is Eric," I tell them. "He's a Dauntless leader."

"Seriously? But he's so young."

I give her a grave look. "Age doesn't matter here."

In Dauntless age has little to do with anything. Dauntless used to be a faction built on bravery and pride. Over time, bravery and pride have become less important to the leaders. Bravery and pride are no longer the beliefs many Dauntless pride themselves on. Power is all that governs them now. The ones who are physically and mentally powerful are the ones who have the privilege of holding an authoritative position.

Eric stands at the door scanning the room. I tense up the moment his eyes meet mine. He starts towards my table and drops into the seat next to me. I was hoping that he wouldn't be here to talk to me. Every time I see him I just want to pummel him.

"Well, aren't you going to introduce me?" he asks, motioning towards Tris and Christina.

"This is Tris and Christina." I say. I really don't want him to look at them, especially Tris for some reason.

"Ooh, a Stiff," says Eric, leering at Tris. "We'll see how long you last."

As usual Eric says something stupid. He often underestimates people's abilities. After all, I, an Abnegation, outranked him during our own initiation. I hope Tris proves him wrong. She sits silently, rigid but glaring at him as though she wants to say something in her defense but doesn't. I don't blame her. Eric may be slimy, but he is dangerous.

"What have you been doing lately, Four?" he asks.

I shrug, "Nothing, really." I'm not going to feed into his insecurities by talking to him anymore than I need to. Sometimes I think I should have taken the leader position instead of letting it go to Eric. Then maybe I could actually get something done around here for the better of the faction instead of the self-indulgent behavior of Eric.

"Max tells me he keeps trying to meet with you, and you don't show up," Eric says. "He requested that I find out what's going on with you."

I hold his gaze for a couple of seconds. "Tell him that I am satisfied with the position I currently hold."

"So he wants to give you a job." He says this as more of a statement than question.

"So it would seem." I say.

Eric knows his position is dependent on my refusal to become a leader; he is threatened. I can understand why, but he must not be clueless to the fact that a position of power is not something I am looking for.

"And you aren't interested."

"I haven't been interested for two years."

"Well," says Eric. "Let's hope he gets the point, then."

He claps me on the shoulder, a little too hard, and walks away. From the corner of my eye, I see Tris relax.

"Are you two...friends?" she asks.

"We were in the same initiate class," I tell her. "He transferred from Erudite."

"Were you a transfer too?" she continues.

She's asks a lot of question for an Abnegation. I need to put a stop to these questions now. I'd rather not share my past with someone who would actually know who my father is. That is the last thing I need.

"I thought I would only have trouble with the Candor asking too many questions," I reply coldly. "Now I've got Stiffs, too?"

"It must be because you're so approachable," she says flatly. "You know. Like a bed of nails."

I glare at her; I can't figure this girl out. She is not backing down an inch. I have never met a Stiff who challenged people like this. She holds my gaze, her eyes never wavering, not even for a fraction of a second. She is tougher than I thought. I am starting to see the real girl behind the grey clothes. She is definitely brave, but is she brave to a fault? Only time will tell I guess. I feel the need to warn her though. She is going to have to watch who she challenges here. She may be brave but she doesn't want to get on the bad side of some people, me included.

"Careful, Tris." is all I say to her.

I hear Zeke call my name from another table, so leave without another word to join my friends. I sit down and relax with my friends. They ask me about the initiates, they are interested in my thoughts about who I think has a shot at becoming Dauntless. Zeke is especially interested since his little brother is chose Dauntless. I look at him and he seems to be much more relaxed than he was this morning. I mumble something about inquisitiveness and don't say much more. It is too early to make any real guesses anyway.

I decide that it's time to cut out before Eric comes back to pick up the initiates. I nod to Zeke, Lauren, and Shawna and leave without a word. I head through one of the dark, winding hallways that lead to my room.

I lay on my bed, replaying the events of the day. No matter how I try to knock it out, the face that keep slipping into my consciousness belongs to Tris. She is definitely different than any girl that I have ever met. There is just something about her that makes me want to get to know her better. I have got to get a grip! I can't be thinking like this right now. But she is very pretty and she doesn't even know it which makes her even more attractive. Eventually exhaustion overcomes me, so I close my eyes and give myself over to sleep.

Suddenly I hear a familiar voice that sends shivers down my spine.

"Tobias!" shouts the familiar voice.

It's my father.

I am suddenly a boy back in Abnegation. Something has angered him and he is about to relieve his anger with his belt. I crouch and wait for the sting of the belt on by back. The first hit stings my flesh, but I don't cry out. I won't give him the satisfaction of my hearing my screams. The hits keep coming, I cry soundlessly.

And then I wake with a start… back in my apartment in my bed.

I look at the clock, it is 5 am. There is no sense in trying to go back to bed now, so I shower and walk to the chasm to try to relax before the new day of training begins.

At 7 am. I head to the training room to relieve some of my anxiety before the initiates come.


	3. Chapter 3

I own nothing…

Chapter 3

"The first thing you will learn today is how to shoot a gun. The second thing is how to win a fight." I tell the initiates once they have all arrived. I walk around the room handing guns to each of the initiates. I place a gun in Tris' hand without looking at her, afraid I may linger on her face for longer than I should. "Thankfully, if you are here, you already know how to get on and off a moving train, so I don't need to teach you that."

Out of the corner of my eye I can see Tris looking at the gun. Tris looks at it like it is something she never thought she would ever handle. She appears to understand how dangerous it can be.

None of the other initiates regard the weapons in their hands with the same reverence. They would do well to have the same kind of respect for these weapons as she does.

"Initiation is divided into three stages. We will measure your progress and rank you according to your performance in each stage," I tell them. "The stages are not weighed equally in determining your final rank, so it is possible, though difficult, to drastically improve your rank over time."

I pause and look around at the initiates; most of them appear to still be trying to wake-up despite the dangerous weapons that they are holding. Tris is the only one that reverently holds the weapon, alert and ready for the task that I am going to have them perform.

"We believe that preparation eradicates cowardice, which we define as the failure to act in the midst of fear," I say. "Therefore each stage of initiation is intended to prepare you in a different way. The first stage is primarily physical; the second, primarily emotional; the third, primarily mental."

"But what..." Peter says while yawning. "What does firing a gun have to do with...bravery?"

I'm not sure if it is the fact that he reminds me of Eric or if it is the way he flippantly ignores the dangerous weapon in his hand, but this comment sets me off completely. I flip the gun in my hand, press the barrel to his head, and click the bullet into place. He stops dead in the middle of a yawn.

"Wake. Up," I snap at him. "You are holding a loaded gun, you idiot. Act like it."

I lower the gun from his head. His eyes harden once he realizes that the threat is gone. I have a feeling that I am going to have to beat that look out of him at some point. He thinks he is some kind of bad ass; he has no idea who he is dealing with. He makes no effort to make any more comments. He is lucky that he's learning to keep his mouth shut, especially after speaking his mind his whole life in Candor.

I turn my back to Peter and begin again.

"And to answer your question...you are far less likely to soil your pants and cry for your mother if you're prepared to defend yourself." I stop and turn on my heel once I reach the end of the line. "This is also information you may need later in stage one. So, watch me."

I turn to the targets lining the opposite wall and ready myself. Clutching the gun in both hands, I raise my arms, part my feet, breathe, and fire.

The bullet hit the target dead and center, like usual.

I motion for the initiates to begin practicing and make my way over to the side of the room. I lean against the wall with my arms crossed, and start making observations once the first shot has been fired.

I span up and down the row a couple of times before resting my eyes on Tris. She is so much smaller than the rest of the initiates and is struggling with the weight and kick back from the gun. She squeezes the trigger and the force of the shot catches her off guard. She has to press a hand against the wall to steady herself. I have no idea where her bullet went but it was nowhere near the target. She continues to fire again, and again, and again. Still, none of the bullets hit her target. I get a little worried. If she can't pass the physical part of initiation, she will be factionless in less than two weeks. Then again, I intend on being factionless once initiation is over, maybe that will give me more incentive to leave here. But then again, her success may give me reason to stay.

One of the Erudite born initiates makes a comment about her lack of hitting the target. This angers me for reasons that I don't quite understand. Initiates razzing each other is normal.

I continue to observe the initiates. Bullet holes begin appearing in everyone targets, including Tris'. Sooner than I expected, a bullet plants itself in the middle of her target and I watch as her eyes widen and smiles.

XXX

We break for lunch and the initiates and I head for the dining hall.

"Hey, Four!" Zeke calls.

I grab some food and sit with Zeke, Lauren, and Shauna.

"How are the transfers?" Lauren asks.

"They will get it, eventually." I tell her.

"How about that Stiff, do you really think she is going to get it?" Shauna questions.

I glance over in Tris' direction. She is sitting at a table with Christina, Will, and Al. They are clearly looking over at Edward and his girlfriend kissing. Tris has a familiar look on her face. I smirk, remembering that Abnegation frown upon public affection and their kissing might be a little much for her. Her friends say something to her and her face begins to flush. She is really cute.

"Four… Are you still here?" Shauna snickers looking from me to Lauren.

"What? Yeah!" I say

Shawna and Lauren look at me with a look of knowing. I avert my eyes and continue eating without a word.

XXX

After lunch I lead the initiates to the room where they will begin to learn to fight. Faded black punching bags hang around the room. The initiates each find their place behind a punching bag while I remain standing in the middle of the room, where they can see me.

"As I said this morning," I begin, "next you will learn how to fight. The purpose of this is to prepare you to act; to prepare your body to respond to threats and challenges - which you will need, if you intend to survive life as a Dauntless."

"We will go over technique today," I continue, "and tomorrow you will start to fight each other, so I recommend that you pay attention. Those who don't learn fast will get hurt."

Dauntless is faction that values bravery and pride above all. To survive life as a Dauntless, one simply has to exemplify these values. The leaders now have different stances on how to represent the qualities of a Dauntless, and they believe physical violence is one way. This is the reason that the initiates will be fighting each other tomorrow, to satiate Eric's thirst for blood.

I approach a bag and begin to name and demonstrate a few different punches and kicks, both against the air and the punching bag.

The sound of skin hitting tough fabric fills the room as every initiate tries to imitate my actions. It takes a few tries for everyone to get acquainted with the proper stance and movements, just like it did the guns.

I slowly move around the room while making careful observations of everyone's strengths and weaknesses. Edward, I notice, seems the most comfortable. While everyone else is still familiarizing themselves with the basic movements, he has already mastered a couple of proper punches and kicks. He is strong and very capable; he will do well here if he can also master the mental part of initiation.

I stop in front of Tris and scan her body from head to toe. She has already figured out how to hold her body and the mechanics of throwing a punch and kick, but she is small. She has little muscle and is weaker than the rest of the initiates. If she is going to succeed, she is going to need to figure out how to use other parts of her body to inflict damage on people.

She stops punching and looks at me expectantly waiting for my instruction.

"You don't have much muscle," I tell her, "which means you're better off using your knees and elbows. You can put more power behind them."

I press a hand to her stomach, I don't know what possesses me to touch her, but I can't seem to help myself. She is so small that my hand covers her enter stomach. I can feel her muscles tighten at my touch.

"Never forget to keep tension here," I advise her quietly. I remove my hand and continue my pacing.

This simple touch sent a spark through my hand. I could feel her heart hammering in her chest. I wonder what that means.

The group continues to practice until I released them for dinner. The room clears out fairly quickly.

Eric finds me in the corridor heading toward the Pit. "Four, I'm going to come to the fights tomorrow," he tells me.

Great! Just what I wanted, to spend the morning watching Eric get off on seeing the initiates beating the crap out of each other.

"Fine," I say. "Do whatever you want!"

He smirks and walks away.

I go into the cafeteria and sit with Zeke, Shauna, and Lauren and eat my dinner.

"So Four, any of the transfers natural fighters?" Lauren asks.

"Actually one of the Erudite transfers, Edward. He is strong and already knew how to throw punches and kicks. He has probably already trained to fight. And one of the Candor is also pretty good, though not as good as Edward. The rest of them will get it eventually," I say.

"Lauren, how is Uriah doing?" Zeke asks.

"Zeke, Uri will be fine. Don't worry about him."

I finish my dinner without any more questions about the initiates. I say goodnight to my friends and leave the cafeteria for the night.

I continue down the hall and into the Pit. As I'm walking through, I see Tris and Christina in a clothing shop where Christina clearly has Tris trying on clothes that she is not comfortable with. I can see her staring at herself in a mirror, something that she is not used to doing. She looks beautiful in a black dress that Christina has her wearing. This girl is absolutely breathtaking and she doesn't even know it.

Why am I so captivated by this girl? Yeah she's pretty, but there are other pretty girls in Dauntless and none of them capture my attention like she does. I can't figure it out and it is driving me crazy.

As I'm gazing at the scene in the clothing shop, someone comes up behind me and taps me on the shoulder.

"So Four, you have something to tell me?" asks Shauna.

I start moving toward the chasm and she follows.

"Come on Four, anyone with eyes can see that you are attracted to that girl."

"She is an initiate Shauna, there is no attraction there." I tell her.

Damn it, if Shauna can tell, can anyone else? I hope not.

"You are such a liar, Four!" she says. "Why don't you just talk to her and get to know her?"

"That would be completely inappropriate, Shauna." I say. I lower my gaze at her and growl, "Now just drop it." I walk away to the sanctity of my apartment.


	4. Chapter 4

I own nothing!

Chapter 4

Today is the first day of fighting. I stop by the dining hall to grab a quick bite and get to the training room at 7a.m. so that I can work off some nervous energy before the day begins. By the time the first initiates arrive I am winded and my hands are red from the punching bag. I don't pay attention to who comes in I only continue to throw punches at the bag. It is the only thing other than the chasm that seems to settle me down at all.

I hear whispering behind me and realize who has been in here watching me for the past couple minutes, it is Tris and Christina. I still don't turn though. I start to use my knees and elbows to demonstrate how to use them and how to inflict maximum damage. This is a way that I can show her how to fight without being obvious. I hope she is watching and taking notes. If she is, it will only help her in the future.

I hear the door open again and I stop punishing the bag. The rest of the initiates enter and I turn to focus on them.

"Since there are an odd number of you, one of you won't be fighting today," I tell them. I turn the chalkboard to reveal the pairings. Tris won't be fighting today, she really isn't ready yet, so I decided to give her a reprieve. I look at her and she is visibly relieved, the look she gives me sends chills through me. I'm not sure why this girl has this effect on me, but I have to stop this. Nothing can come from these feelings.

Eric enters the room as promised. He looks at the pairings and takes his spot by the wall to observe the initiates.

The first pairing, Will and Al, enter the ring and start to circle one another the way I taught them. At least someone was paying attention yesterday. Al is physically larger than Will and has enough strength in his size to end this quickly. Al punches Will in the jaw and Will is clearly shaken. Eric is enjoying the fight, smiling when Al punches Will. Will is able to block Al's next attack, but he is not doing well. Will stands and they begin to circle each other again.

Across the ring from where I'm standing, Tris talks to Christina. Christina is dressed in tight fitting clothes and wears make-up. Christina has embraced the Dauntless style, Tris has not. She has given up her grey for black, but her clothes are baggy and she is still wearing grey shoes. Hopefully Christina will be able to help Tris come out of her shell a bit and get her to lose the Abnegation part of her before someone notices. I have a feeling that is the only way that she will be able to really succeed here.

Next to me Eric yells, "Do you think this is a leisure activity? Should we break for nap-time? Fight each other!"

"But…" Al says putting his hands down "Is it scored or something? When does the fight end?"

It ends," Eric says, "when one of you is unable to continue."

This comment angers me, but I show no emotion when I say, "According to Dauntless rules, one of you could also concede."

Eric glares at me, "According to the old rules. In the new rules, no one concedes."

Now, feeling a rage building but controlling it, I say," A brave man acknowledges the strength of others."

Eric fires back,"A brave man never surrenders."

Eric and I stare at each other. What can he possibly know about bravery? He is a power hungry coward, afraid of losing his position and of other people's strength. There is no winning this staring contest and I realize this.

I feel the eyes of all the initiates on us as we argue. I especially feel Tris' eyes on me. I refuse to back down from him and show him any kind of weakness. Then Al's voice jars me out of this stupid struggle for dominance. I turn my attention back to the two fighting in the center of the ring.

Al speaks up," This is ridiculous! What's the point of beating him up? We're in the same faction!"

Will puts up his hands, "Oh, you think it's going to be that easy? Go on. Try to hit me, slowpoke."

Will is fast but determined. If he can avoid a direct hit, he has a good chance.

Will dances around Al, kicking him in the back causing Al to lurch forward. Al turns, grabs Will and punches him in the jaw. Will is out cold.

"Get him up," Eric says. He stares at the carnage and his lips curl into a cruel smirk.

I turn to the chalk board, circle Al's name and cross the rink to take Will to the infirmary.

As I lift Will to leave, I hear Eric bark, "Next up- Molly and Christina!"

I'm not comfortable leaving Eric with the initiates, especially Tris since he has already shown interest in breaking her. But Will needs the infirmary.

As we walk to the infirmary Will starts asking me questions about girls. "Four, can I ask you a question?"

"Depends on the question," I say coldly.

"There is this girl," he says. "I just can't seem to stop thinking about her. Just her presence distracts me. She doesn't even have to do anything special."

I know the feeling well. It is amazing that a girl can do this to a guy and not even realize it. Then I begin to wonder which girl it is. The only girls he really has contact with are Myra, Molly, Christina, … and Tris. Myra is dating Edward and Molly is hideous. That leaves only Christina and Tris.

I get him quickly to the infirmary without responding to his declaration.

"Should I try to talk to her?" Will asks.

"I'm not sure I'm the right person to be giving you advice," I say quietly.

I deposit Will in the infirmary and leave without finding out who he is talking about.

I return to an empty training room. Where have they gone? I knew I shouldn't have left them alone with Eric. What the hell is he doing now?

I make it to the Pit in time to see Al and Tris pulling Christina over the railing from the chasm. The three of them fall to the ground relieved.

I turn and return to the training room to work out some more of my anger before lunch is over and they return to finish the fights.

What am I going to do if Will has feelings for Tris? Four, get a hold of yourself, you won't do anything. You are the instructor, she is the initiate. Nothing can come of this. But I can't help wondering how I would handle things if I was able to really get to know her. How would I be able to balance Four and Tobias? And if she actually got to know me, would she even like me?

XXX

By the time I leave the training room for lunch, I have broken a punching bag and my hands are sore and bleeding.

"What happened to you?" Shawna says staring at my hands.

"Just training," I say.

"What were you training to do, kill an ogre?" asks Zeke.

"Just working some things out in the training room is all. It really isn't a big deal!" I respond without looking at them.

They know me well, and know when something is going on. Zeke drops the subject. He knows I'm not going to talk if I don't want to. Shawna and Lauren are a different story. They begin to tag team me with questions about what is wrong with me.

"What happened during training this morning?" Lauren asks.

"Did someone do something wrong?" asks Shawna.

"I bet it was something Eric did, right?" says Lauren.

I don't respond to their questions, I just finish eating quietly. They know my silence means more that if I actually spoke.

I leave the dining hall and return to the training room to clean up the broken punching bag and ready the room for the initiates return.

XXX

The afternoon fights continue much the same as the morning had. Eric finds me after the afternoon fights.

"Don't worry about doing the pairings for tomorrow; I will take care of it."

"That is not necessary," I tell him.

"Just leave it to me, Four. See you in the morning." Eric says with a smirk.

I know this is a bad idea. Nothing good can come out of allowing Eric to make the pairings. All I can hope is that no one gets hurt too badly because of him.


	5. Chapter 5

I own nothing!

Chapter 5

I enter the dining hall this morning to comments from the initiates about something that happened in the dorm. Apparently Peter spray painted the word Stiff all over Tris' bed. That guy has a real nasty streak, especially when it comes to Tris. I'm not sure if there is anything I can do about it, but if it continues I may have to.

XXX

I walk into the training room and Eric is waiting with the pairings for today's fights. I scan the list and see that he has paired Tris with Peter. Peter? What the hell is he thinking?

"What are you thinking pairing Peter with Tris? She is nowhere near his skill level!" I say to Eric.

He snickers coldly, "I guess we will see a Stiff cry then, won't we?"

He glares at me and I realize that he is trying to read my thoughts through my expression. I don't think he realizes that I am battling feelings for this girl, but he knows that I can't help but defend defenseless people. This pairing is just as much to make a point to me as it is to break her. I can only hope that she is strong enough to not let him break her down. She is strong; there is no doubt about that. I just hope she can withstand what is to come.

The initiates enter the room. Tris is walking in with Al when she comes to a stop mid step. Her face reflects the horror and terror that she must be feeling. Peter is over a foot taller than she is. She knows this isn't going to be good. Peter enters the room and her face takes on a new determination. He sees the pairing and starts making comments to his friends and looking over toward Tris. Then I notice him make eye contact with Eric. What is that all about? Is this a conspiracy to get rid of her, or worse, kill her?

The first fight is pretty uneventful. Edward easily bests Molly. She picks herself off of the mat and goes to sit down.

Next are Peter and Tris.

Tris makes her way to the center of the ring looking determined.

"You okay there, Stiff?" he says. "You look like you're about to cry. I might go easy on you if you cry."

I stand by the door with my arms folded and glare at him. His behavior angers me, Dauntless are not supposed to enjoy tormenting those who are weaker than we are. This is just another way that the Dauntless ideals have changed. I notice that Tris is looking over Peters shoulder toward me. I avert my eyes, but the expression does not leave my face. This match-up angers me and I feel no need to hide my anger.

Peter brings his hands up to his face and bends his knees, ready to spring.

"Come on, Stiff," he pushes. "Just one little tear. Maybe some begging."

Tris attacks first by trying to kick him in the side. He easily grabs her foot and yanks it out from under her. Tris smacks into the floor hard but rushes to get up quickly.

"Stop playing with her," snaps Eric. "I don't have all day."

Peter's face quickly changes from a look of mischief to a predatory look. He punches Tris's jaw, causing her to sway. She is clearly losing her ability to see clearly. He moves to her before she's able to regain her balance, and kicks her hard in the stomach and she falls to the ground. Tris tries to push herself up, but Peter quickly moves to her and grabs her hair with one hand. He punches her in the nose with his free hand and blood pours down her face instantly. I am beginning to become physically ill watching the carnage.

She attempts get him off of her by slapping his arms, but she is no match for his strength and size. He punches her again, this time in the ribs, and shoves her to the ground.

Somehow she manages to drag herself to her feet. Peter moves around her and hits her from the side, and she almost falls over again.

Tris tries to fight back by punching Peter in the stomach, her fist makes contact but has no affect on him. Peter barely even groans. Instead, he smacks her ear with the flat of his palm. He snickers. It is clear he is really enjoying himself.

I look over at Eric and he is obviously enjoying this as well. How anyone can enjoy watching such a mismatched pairing I don't understand.

Peter go in for another attack.

Fury rages in me and I can't take it anymore. I shove the door open and storm out into the hall. I can't just stand there and watch Peter beat the living daylight out of Tris, but I am powerless to do much. What am I going to do? I can't leave Eric in charge alone, he will let this continue until Peter kills her. But I can't stand to watch Tris get hurt without feeling the need to protect her.

Protect her? What am I thinking? I can't be having these feelings right now!

From inside the training room, I hear a screech that makes my heart jump to my throat.

I rush back through the doors to see Peter kicking Tris, who is lying lifeless on the floor. His foot slams into her side again and again. That's it! I am not going to stand by and watch this anymore!

"Enough!" I yell.

Peter looks around at me, his foot readying for another blow. A triumphant look on his face, he is pleased with himself, isn't that nice. I will be sure to wipe that look off of his face the first opportunity I get.

Eric sits with a smirk on his face. He knew I couldn't just sit and watch this without intervening.

I look at both Peter and Eric in disgust, and then walk over to Tris. I feel for a pulse and make sure she is still breathing. She is damaged but her pulse is strong and she is breathing. I gently slide my arms under her neck and legs and lift her to carry her off to the infirmary. Christina is crying into Will's chest and I realize that he was talking about her yesterday, not Tris. Despite my rage, I have a small feeling of hope. That is one less thing I have to worry about when thinking about my feelings for her.

I rush her into the infirmary. The nurse has me lay her on a bed and starts asking me how this happened. The nurse is a 35 year old woman with piercings on her face and tattoos up both arms.

"She was improperly matched during initiation this morning," I say.

I turn to leave when the nurse calls back to me.

"You should stay in case she wakes. She will want to see a familiar face."

"I'm just her instructor, we aren't friends. Her friends will be around to see her soon."

"I am no expert," the nurse says, "but the look on your face when you brought her in tells me there is more than an instructor-initiate relationship here." She continues to look at me knowingly.

I sit down next to Tris' bed and hold her hand while she sleeps. In spite of her bruises and blood soaked clothes, she looks peaceful and strong. I look at her and come to some very important conclusions. There is nothing I want more in this world than to protect this girl from all harm. I feel it every time I make contact with her, and I find some way to touch her frequently. I have known it since the first time I saw her come out of the net on Choosing Day. But what can I do about this? I have no idea if she is feeling the same way as I am. I do notice her glancing in my direction frequently, but that doesn't really mean anything. Maybe it is time for me to find out somehow.

She doesn't wake while I sit with her. Soon I hear her friends coming into the lobby and asking about her. I take this as my cue to disappear out another door.


	6. Chapter 6

I own nothing!

Chapter 6

Today I am taking the initiates to the fence to talk about Dauntless jobs. I stand close enough to the tracks that I if I shift slightly, the train could graze my body. I look around and see that most of the initiates have arrived, all but Tris and Christina. I went back to the infirmary last night to check on her and they told me that she decided to return to her dorm. I know the thought of Peter putting her in the infirmary over night was just not acceptable to her.

Tris and Christina come striding up to the train quickly. She looks battered and bruised but alert and ready to go. She isn't going to let someone like Peter get to her. She is so much stronger than I ever gave her credit for.

When the train approaches, I step away from the tracks to make room for some of the initiates to get on. I grab the handle and effortlessly lift myself into the car. I turn to see Tris coming up behind me and before I can reach out for her, Al grabs her under both arms and lifts her into the car. I see the way that Al looks at her. He definitely has strong feelings for her, but her look says that he is just her friend.

Peter sees Al lift Tris into the car and he seizes his chance to ridicule her. "Feeling okay there?" he arches his eyebrows, giving her a look of mock sympathy. "Or are you a little…_Stiff_?"

He bursts into laughter at what he must consider to be a clever joke. Molly and Drew join in automatically. I really hate those three. Molly and Drew don't have one single original thought and Peter is just cruel and demented, much like Eric.

"We are all awed by your incredible wit," Will retorts.

"Yeah, are you sure you don't belong with the Erudite, Peter?" Christina adds. "I hear they don't object to sissies."

Although I'm thrilled that Tris' friends are defending her, I don't have the patience to listen to their bickering all the way to the fence. Besides I can tell that Tris doesn't like the attention that this arguing is bringing on her.

They continue to bicker. Sometimes I wonder if these are actually sixteen year olds and not babies. The only one that sits quietly is Tris, she looks angry but she knows that the banter is useless.

I speak before Peter has a chance to reply. "Am I going to have to listen to your bickering all the way to the fence?"

They fall silent and I turn back to the car's opening. I grip the handles on either side of the door and lean forward so my body is mostly outside of the car. The wind takes my breath away and presses my shirt to my chest. I breathe in the air and feel a sense of freedom as I look out over the great expanse to the distant skylines. I watch as the sea of crumbling, abandoned buildings drift farther away as the train carries us to the edge of the city.

Out of the corner of my eye I can see Tris looking at me. At first I thought she was just looking out the door, and then I see her shift her eyes from me to the view beyond and then back to me again. She continues to look from my face to my torso and back again. Does this mean she is feeling the same attraction that I have been feeling?

I get wrapped up in this thought and suddenly from behind me I hear Tris' voice above the noise of the wind.

"What do you think is out there?" she asks. "I mean, beyond the fence."

"Monsters!" Christina teases.

"We didn't even have guards near the fence until five years ago," Will says. "Don't you remember when Dauntless police used to patrol the factionless sector?"

"Yes," Tris replies.

I zone out of their conversation and focus on the scenery in front of me and the thoughts in my head. I've got to figure out what it is about her that causes me to get distracted so easily. It really makes no sense, there are lots of pretty girls in Dauntless and none of them have captured me the way this girl has. Is it because she's like me, because she's from Abnegation? I just don't know. All I know is that I can feel her looking at me and watching me as we travel to our destination.

The train's brakes squeal and everyone pitches forward as the car slows. The old dilapidated buildings from the past have been replaced with yellow fields and train tracks. The train stops under an awning. I lower myself easily from the car onto the grass that surrounds the tracks.

In front of me is a chain-link fence with barbed wire strung along the top. It stretches on into the horizon. Past the fence stands a cluster of trees, most of which are dead. Dauntless guards carrying guns pace the perimeter of the fence on the other side.

Once everyone is out of the train I turn and call to them.

"Follow me," I say.

I lead the group towards the gate, which is as wide as a house. This is the entrance to the city. A cracked road extends from the city to the Amity farms beyond the gate.

"If you don't rank in the top five at the end of initiation, you will probably end up here," I explain once we reach the gate. "Once you are a fence guard, there is some potential for advancement, but not much. You may be able to go on patrols beyond Amity's farms, but…"

"Patrols for what purpose?" asks Will.

I shrug. "I suppose you'll discover that if you find yourself amongst them. As I was saying, for the most part, those who guard the fence when they are young continue to guard the fence. If it comforts you, some of them insist that it isn't as bad as it seems."

"What rank were you?" Peter asks me.

I look steadily at him and tell him, "I was first."

"And you chose to do _this_?" Peter's eyes widen in disbelief. "Why didn't you get a government job?"

"I didn't want one," I say flatly.

The Dauntless have limited job options. We can guard the fence or work for the security of our city, take up a job in the Dauntless compound, fight for entertainment, or work for the Dauntless leaders. Ranks are directly related to job privileges, so I was offered the best one – a government position. I surprised everyone when I opted for a job in the control room, where I monitor the city security. The government job then went to the second highest ranking initiate, Eric. Many of my friends insist that I should talk to Max and take over Eric's position, but I don't want to ever have to interact with people from my past. I left Abnegation because of my father, there is no chance I'm going to put myself in a situation that I will have to see him again as a leader. Besides I like knowing about the security of the city. I know how to get in and out if I need to.

At the gate, the guards pull open the doors to admit a truck. The driver wears a hat, a beard, and a smile. He stops just inside the gate and gets out, allowing the guards to do their routine inspection. The back of the truck is open, a few Amity are sitting on crates which appear to be for apples.

"Beatrice?" one of the Amity boys says.

Tris's head jerks around to the sound of what must be her real name.

Beatrice, I like it. It is a really nice Abnegation name. But it doesn't suit the girl I see in front of me. This girl is not dainty or fragile, she is tough and determined, this girl isn't Abnegation, she is Dauntless. Tris is definitely a much more fitting name for the girl I see in front of me.

I watch out of the corner of my eye as the boy that called to her jumps down from the truck and approaches Tris. He wears a grey shirt and jeans. He is obviously an Abnegation transfer. She looks like she recognizes him but is unsure about how to handle this.

He hesitantly pulls Tris into his arms and she stiffens. This is an act that is very uncomfortable for someone from Abnegation. Only Amity greets one another with hugs. This boy seems to want to embrace the ideals of his new faction but still has the old faction's rules drilled into him.

I find myself staring at Tris and this boy's exchange and realize that I need to break the stare before someone notices that I am actually staring at her. I look away from this scene and toward the fence and see a guard that I know from my initiate class. I head toward the guard knowing that it places me closer to Tris and this unknown boy.

"Hey Four, how's it going? Babysitting the initiates?" says the guard. Through our conversation I can hear bits and pieces of Tris' conversation.

Behind me I hear, "…just training. Nothing," Tris says.

"Haha… Yeah," I say to the guard. "Someone has to try to make Dauntless out of them I guess," I say.

"_Beatrice?_" Molly demands in her nasally voices and laughs. "Is that your real name, Stiff?"

"And it just has to be the 'Dauntless Prodigy' Four, right?" asks the guard snickering.

"What did you _think_ Tris was short for?" snipes Tris to Molly.

"'Dauntless Prodigy', I don't think so." I say to the guard.

"Oh, I don't know… weakling? Oh wait, _that_ doesn't start with Tris. My mistake," says Molly to Tris.

"No one could beat you in a fight; you became proficient with a gun and knives faster than anyone else in our class. Then there is the thing with your fear landscape," says the guard laughing.

I turn my head toward the altercation between Tris, Molly, and the boy.

"There's no need to antagonize her," the boy says, so softly that I almost didn't catch it. "I'm Robert, and you are?"

"Someone who doesn't care what your name is," Molly snaps. "Why don't you get back in your truck? We're not supposed to fraternize with other faction members."

"Better get back to my initiates," I say looking toward Tris.

"See you later Four!" says the guard.

The boy hops back into the truck and it pulls away.

I walk up to Tris and when I am about a foot away from her I say, "I am worried that you have a knack for making unwise decisions."

She crosses her arms and looks at me. "It was a two-minute conversation."

"I don't think a smaller time frame makes it any less unwise." I furrow my eyebrows and brush the corner of her bruised eye with my fingertips. She jerks her head back, but I don't take my hand away.

I look at her thoughtfully and sigh. "You know, if you could just learn to attack first, you might do better."

"Attack first?" she says. "How will that help?"

"You're fast. If you can get a few good hits in before they know what's going on, you could win." I shrug and let my hand fall to my side.

"I'm surprised you know that," she says quietly, "since you left halfway through my one and only fight."

She saw me leave? How, through the abuse that she was going through, did she notice me leave? I sigh and say, "It wasn't something I wanted to watch."

She falls silent, and appears to consider what that comment means. I would love to know what she is thinking. She stares at me as if she is trying to read my mind. I don't change the expression on my face. I return her stare with without emotion. I want her to know how I feel, but I'm not even sure about how I feel. This is all very confusing.

A few seconds later, I clear my throat. "Looks like the next train is here. Time to go, Tris."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

At midnight, I, along with Eric and other Dauntless, burst into the initiates' dormitory, wielding flashlights and shining them into their faces waking them from their sleep.

"Everybody up!" Eric roars.

All around me, anxious initiates in pajamas jump from their beds, startled by our unexpected presence.

I see Tris' eyes lock on me. Our eyes meet, and for a moment, she seems to get lost in thought as her fellow initiates get out of bed. I want to prompt her to move, but that would draw attention to her.

It doesn't matter, Eric also has his eyes on her but for a very different reason.

"Did you go deaf, Stiff?" barks Eric.

She snaps out of her daze and slides out of bed.

"You have five minutes to get dressed and meet us by the tracks." Eric says. "We're going on another field trip."

I turn my back to the room, push open the door, and head for the train tracks that lay just outside of the Dauntless compound.

I stand facing the tracks as I always do, behind me I hear rushed footsteps hurrying towards us. The transfers make it to the tracks just after the Dauntless-borns.

"Everyone grab a gun!" shouts Eric.

All of the initiates rush toward the pile of guns cluttered on the ground and stumble over each other to be sure to secure a gun before everyone else.

"Time estimate?" Eric asks me.

I check my watch. "Any minute now. How long is it going to take you to memorize the train schedule?"

"Why should I, when I have you to remind me of it?" Eric says, giving my shoulder a shove.

The train approaches and I am the first to get on. I turn to see Tris falling in stride with the car ready to jump on. I reach my hand out to her and she grabs my arm and I easily pull her in. Her hand lingers on my forearm for a moment, then she lets go and sits down on the other side of the car. I already miss the feel of her hand me.

I wonder what her lingering touch meant. And I wonder why she moved so far away from where I am. Does she realize that I am struggling with finding the line between instructor and something more? Does she know that I am constantly battling with myself about what my feelings are? I'm beginning to wonder if this is going to cause me to go mad. All of the confusion is driving me crazy. I focus myself back on the task at hand and begin to address the group.

"We'll be dividing into two teams to play capture the flag. Each team will have an even mix of members, Dauntless-born initiates, and transfers. One team will get off first and find a place to hide their flag. Then the second team will get off and do the same." The car sways and I have to hold onto the side of the doorway to steady myself. "This is a Dauntless tradition," I continue. "So I suggest you take it seriously."

"What do we get if we win?" someone shouts.

Did someone really just ask that?

"Sounds like the kind of question someone not from Dauntless would ask," I say, raising an eyebrow. "You get to win, of course."

"Four and I will be your team captains," Eric says, glancing at me. "Let's divide up transfers first, shall we?"

"You go first," I offer.

Eric shrugs. "Edward."

I knew Eric would take this strategy; it will always be brawn over brain with him. Capture the flag takes strategy more than brute strength. I learned that during my own initiation.

I scan the group of transfers but I made my choice long before we even boarded the train. I can take this opportunity to really see what she is made of also she is fast, which is exactly what I want for my team. "I want the Stiff."

A few people chuckle at what they must consider to be an absurd decision on my part. They will see what she is capable of here. I know she can do this.

"Got something to prove?" Eric asks, sneering. "Or are you just picking the weak ones so that if you lose, you'll have someone to blame it on?"

I shrug and roll my eyes, "Something like that," I say, "Your turn!" Think what you want, when we are on the train home and my team is victorious, he'll learn.

I look toward Tris and she looks angry. She must believe that what I meant was that I was choosing her to prove a point. I hope she understands when she sees the team that I choose.

"Peter."

"Christina."

"Molly."

"Will,"

"Al."

"Drew."

"Last one left is Myra. So she's with me," says Eric. "Dauntless born initiates next."

We divide the Dauntless-born initiates. Eric continues with is brawn over brain strategy and I continue with choosing the initiates that I know to be intelligent and fast.

I look over at Tris and it appears that she has realized what my strategy is for this game. She covers a smile and looks at me bright-eyed.

"Your team can get off second," Eric tells me.

"Don't do me any favors," I reply, smirking, I know Eric's tactics and they aren't going to work. "You know I don't need them to win."

"No, I know that you'll lose no matter when you get off," says Eric while chewing on one of his lip rings. I have always hated them. "Take your scrawny team and get off first, then."

Now I get exactly what I want. I love that I can play him and get him to make mistakes without him even realizing what is going on. I walk over toward the door and my team stands and follows. I jump from the train and notice that Drew is standing behind Tris and almost pushes her off of the train. She doesn't even look back; she just composes herself and jumps from the train with ease. I love that she refuses to let those three get to her.

We start walking away from the tracks and I feel a hand on my shoulder but I don't turn to see who it is. Without looking I know that it isn't Tris because the touch causes no effect in me.

"When your team won, where did you put the flag?"

"Telling you wouldn't really be in the spirit of the exercise, Marlene," I say coolly.

"Come on, Four," she whines and smiles at me flirtatiously batting her eyes. I can't help but to roll my eyes. She must be used to getting what she wants when she does this. I brush her hand off my arm and walk away.

I can feel Tris' undivided attention is focused on this exchange. I can only hope she noticed that I brushed Marlene away.

"Navy Pier," Zeke's brother Uriah calls out. "My brother was on the winning team. They kept the flag at the carousel."

I send a look at Uriah, I think he is trying to get in Marlene's good graces. It makes me smile a little.

"Let's go there, then," suggests Will.

No one opposes, so we set off, toward the marsh that was once a lake.

We come to a bridge that spans a dried up river and begin to cross.

Once we cross the bridge, the city changes. Ahead of us is a sea of crumbling buildings and broken glass. The ruins of a once great city that was full of life. There is an eerie silence that is present in this part of the city. As though the deteriorating buildings have a story they are desperate to tell. This place feels like a living nightmare. The streets are completely dark because it's after midnight, and all of the city lights are off.

Behind me, someone flips on a flashlight and shines it at the street in front of us.

"Scared of the dark, Mar?" Uriah teases.

"If you want to step on broken glass, Uriah, be my guest." Marlene snaps. But she turns off the flashlight anyway.

Gotta love the Dauntless, they will do anything to make our lives more difficult in the name of bravery.

We make our way past the Ferris wheel and walk toward the merry-go-round just beyond it. We gather around the carrousel and I listen as the group of initiates begins to argue about what the best plan would be. I find myself being drawn to Tris yet again. I watched her on the train ride, watched for her expression and attitude when I chose her first and how she felt when she figured out what my plan was.

The carrousel still has a distinct beauty about it. The horses are worn and weathered, some of their tails broken off or their saddles chipped. They are a sad monument to this place that was once full of fun and laughter. I take the flag out of my pocket.

"In ten minutes, the other team will pick their location," I tell them. "I suggest you take this time to formulate a strategy. We may not be Erudite, but mental preparedness is one aspect of your Dauntless training. Arguably, it is the most important aspect."

Will walks up to me and takes the flag from my hands. "Some people should stay here and guard and some people should go out and scout the other team's location." He says.

"Yeah? You think?" Marlene interjects, snatching the flag from Will. "Who put you in charge, transfer?"

"No one," says Will. "But someone's got to do it."

"Maybe we should develop a more defensive strategy. Wait for them to come to us, and then take them out." Christina suggests.

"That's the sissy way out," Uriah objects. "I vote we go all out. Hide the flag well enough that they can't find it."

The group erupts into arguments about who should make the decisions and what should be done. The Dauntless-borns arguing for offence, the transfers arguing for Will's plan. Out of the corner of my eye I see Tris just standing there deep in thought, considering the situation and coming up with her own strategy. She has a brilliant mind. I can't wait to see what she comes up with. I sit down on the edge of the carousel and lean against one of the horses. I'm trying to push the noise of the initiates arguing to the back of my mind and focus on the quiet all around. I notice that Tris is watching me, so I avert my eyes to the starless sky. I sit with my gun leaning against my shoulder and my arm resting on my knee, trying not to glance at her to see if she is still watching me. Out of the corner of my eye I can see that she has looked away and is gazing at the Farris wheel.

Out of the corner of my eye I can see that she has looked away and is gazing at the Farris wheel. There is little light out here tonight, but the light of the almost full moon is reflected off of her golden blond hair. The way the light shows on her face, it gives an eerie look to her beautiful face.

I sit on the edge of the carrousel and look away to the starless night sky. Their bickering and sniping drown into the background as I focus on sky and the fact that I can feel her presence near me, like I always do. I always know when she's there. I can always feel her, like there is a magnetic pull between the two of us. Maybe there is.

Suddenly I know that she is gone because the pull is no longer there. I look to where she was standing and Tris is no longer a there. I look around frantically to try to figure out where she's gone. When I finally spot her, she has made her way quickly and quietly over to the Ferris wheel. She stands on the bottom rung and looks up. She tests her weight on the bottom rung and seems to have decided to climb.

I close the distance between us. She has apparently come up with a plan that she hasn't shared with anyone else, it's just I'm not sure I'm going to like this plan.

"Tris," I say to her in a low calming voice so that I don't startle her.

"Yes?" she says.

"I came to find out what you think you're doing."

"I'm seeking higher ground, I don't _think_ I'm doing anything," she says.

I smile at her in the dark, I knew she was brilliant and I knew she would come up with a good plan.

"All right," I say, "I'm coming."

"I'll be fine," she tells me. She sounds like she thinks the reason that I want to go with her is because I don't think she can handle it. She couldn't be more wrong!

"Undoubtedly," I reply. I hope she can hear the respect and confidence that I have in her.

She begins climbing and I wait until she gets a way up before I follow. I am faster than she is and I quickly catch up with her. My hands reaching the rungs as her feet leave them.

I look up at her as we climb. She doesn't appear to be intimidated by the height at all. I can't see her face, but her body looks relaxed but determined. Unlike me, right now I'm petrified and growing more nervous with every foot we climb.

I have no idea what I was thinking following her up here. My mind definitely wasn't on climbing; I just wanted to be with her. But now here I am climbing up this Ferris wheel. Okay, I need to ignore my fear and just keep going. I need to relax. The only thing I can think to do to relax is to talk to her. Her voice and calming demeanor will be what helps me through my fears. So I talk to her. Her sweet voice, kind of deep for a girl, but not husky or raspy will be what I can use to focus and continue.

"So tell me…," I say quietly. "What do you think the purpose of this exercise is? The game, I mean, not the climbing."

I make the mistake of looking down toward the pavement that is slowly falling farther and farther away. Panic wells up inside me, but I will not let it control me. Heights is one of my biggest fears, one of the few fears that I have. And I have yet to overcome it.

I have to focus on her, not the climbing. I have to keep my mind on her and let her help to calm me so I can get through this. When she finally speaks, I let the sound of her voice wash over me and do everything that I can to focus on her voice and keep her talking to me.

"Learning about strategy," says Tris. "Teamwork, maybe."

"Teamwork," I say with a snicker. The current leadership would disagree. Maybe originally this would have been about teamwork, but not anymore. Not with Eric in charge. Now it is purely the competition and winning that is important.

"Maybe not," she contemplates. "Teamwork doesn't seem to be a Dauntless priority."

"It's supposed to be a priority. It used to be," I say.

The wind blows with more force up here and I have to fight harder to breathe and ignore my fear. More conversation, focus on her…

"Now tell me…" I struggle out. "What do you think learning strategy has to do with…bravery?"

Tris pauses for a moment. She seems like she is thinking about the question and her response.

A cloud passes over the moon and I watch the light as it shifts across the figure above me, she is beautiful and strong. The moon light illuminates every strand of her wavy blonde hair. I would love to reach up and run my fingers through her hair.

"It…it prepares you to act," she answers. "You learn strategy so you can use it."

At this point, I am barely keeping my fear in check. My breaths are coming in heavy, ragged gasps.

"Are you alright, Four?"

"Are you _human_, Tris? Being up this high…" I gulp. "It doesn't scare you at all?"

At the question, I see as she looks down and ponders the question. There is no doubt that a fall from this height will kill us. But that doesn't seem to bother her. Before she has a chance to respond, a gust of wind throws her body off balance and into the side of the ladder. She clings to the rungs to keep from falling. Without hesitation, thought, or fear, I wrap my hand around one of her hips to steady her. One of my fingers catches a strip of bare skin just under the hem of her t-shirt and the feel of her smooth soft skin causes my heart to hammer even harder than it was before. I gently guide her body back to the center of the ladder with ease. I remove my hand but my skin longs for the touch of hers again. I can feel my heartbeat continue to race, and I know that height isn't the only thing causing me to feel this way.

"You okay?" I murmur.

"Yes," she reassures.

We climb silently until we reach the platform midway up the Ferris wheel. Tris moves onto the platform, sits down and scoots to the end to make room for me. She dangles her legs over the edge with no fear. As much as I would like to, I don't move toward her. I crouch down and press my back against the metal support. I am trying to put as much distance between me and the edge of the platform. I lean here breathing heavily trying desperately to ignore my fear.

"You're afraid of heights," she says to me. "How do you survive in the Dauntless compound?"

"I ignore my fear," I explain. "When I make decisions, I pretend it doesn't exist."

I look out at the vast expanse of the city below, but I can feel her eyes lingering on my face.

"What?" I whisper.

"Nothing."

She pauses for several moments looking out toward the building that is in front of us. I know what she's thinking. I can only hope that she isn't going to decided to climb higher.

"We're not high enough," Tris says.

Yeah, I disagree with that!

She looks up to examine the tangle of bars above us, the scaffolding of the wheel. I follow her gaze and realize what she is planning. Damn I hate having this fear and having such a difficult time getting through it. I need to focus and calm down. I don't want her to climb alone. I need to focus on her, which is what will get me through.

"I'm going to climb." She stands up and reaches for one of the bars overhead.

"For God's sake, Stiff." I groan.

"You don't have to follow me."

Tris pauses and looks to the scaffolding. She begins by wedging her foot onto the place where two bars cross and she pulls herself up, grabbing another bar in the process. She sways for a second and my heart drops.

"Yes I do," I tell her.

I quickly begin to follow her up. My body is tense but I continue to climb behind her. We slowly continue to climb and she suddenly stops above me. I can see that she has found a point that she can see beyond the building that was blocking our view. I climb up right behind her, straddling her legs with mine as I stand directly behind her looking over her shoulder. I'm not sure what possessed me to climb up right behind her like this, but I am closer to her than I have ever been. I can feel the rise and fall of her back on my chest and my mouth is right next to her ear. She smells wonderful, like clean fresh air and something sweet and pure. Her hair blows in the wind, sliding across my face and down my neck. My body vibrates from the closeness of her and the feel of her body against mine. I hope she can't feel the thunderous heartbeat that is threatening to escape my chest.

"See that?" she says, pointing at a tiny pulsing light way out in the distance.

"Yeah," I say quietly next to her ear. I think feel her body shiver when I speak, but I can't be sure it is a result of our closeness or the chilled wind at this height. I hope it is the former. I glide my eyes down her extended arm and look to where she is pointing at the pulsing light in the distance. A smile spreads across my face. We found the other team's hiding spot!

"It's coming from the park at the end of the pier," I say. "Figures. It's surrounded by open space, but the trees provide some camouflage. Obviously not enough."

She looks over her shoulder at me. We are so close that I could easily kiss her. Another inch and our lips could brush against one another. What I wouldn't give to kiss her, to let her know what I'm feeling. She gazes at me, my eyes, mouth, chin. I stare into her beautiful eyes and almost forget where I am. The more I'm with her the more beautiful she gets.

"Um," Tris clears her throat. "Start climbing down. I'll follow you."

I nod silently and begin my decent, trying desperately to control my trembling body. At least I'm sure now that the trembling has less to do with the height and more to do with Tris.

Suddenly I hear a creak and a clang from above and see the crossbar that Tris was standing on crash toward the ground. I gasp and realize that there is no way that I can get to her and get her down safely. She dangles from the bar that she had been grasping with her hands and the next closest rung is feet away from her.

"Four!" she screams

."Hold on!" I call to her. "Just hold on. I have an idea."

I move quickly toward the platform, and then as fast as I can, I fly down the ladder, faster than I ever knew I could move. The fear of heights overrun by the fear of losing her. I can't lose her. I can't… I run for the controls.

"Four!" Tris screams again from high above..

"_Hold on! I'll save you! I will never let you fall!"_ I think to myself.

My eyes scan the control panel as I try to figure out how to release the lock and bring her safely to the ground. I find the release and press the start button and release the break. Slowly the wheel begins to creek and moan while it begins to turn. I just hope it doesn't start to fall apart even more from the stress of movement that it probably hasn't had in years. It moves slowly at first then more quickly as she gets closer to the ground.

I watch it carry Tris until she's close enough to the ground that she releases the bar that kept her from falling. She drops onto the ground, rolling several times to get away from the car bearing down on her.

When she is safe, she lies still on the ground and presses her hands to her face. I hurry over to where she is, wrap my hands gently around her wrists and pry her hands away from her face to make sure she is okay. I enclose one of her hands in both of mine and try to sooth her.

"You all right?" I ask.

"Yeah."

I can't help myself, I begin to laugh. My body once tense is now so thankful that she is okay that I can't hide my hysteria. She looks at me and starts to laugh too. She pushes herself up with her free hand and suddenly we are within inches of each other. I have another overpowering urge to kiss her, but I suppress it. I don't want to scare her away. I stare into her eyes and I swear I can see wanting and desire reflected back. I can't act on it… yet.

I stand and pull Tris up with me. The Ferris wheel is still moving creating a wind that sends her hair tumbling around her face. I can't help but look at her, she is beautiful, and I wonder if she has any idea. I can feel the attraction between us as I continue to hold her hand for another moment. She looks at me, does she feel this too? I wish I could see her more clearly through the moonlight.

"You could have told me that the Ferris wheel still worked," she says casually, "We wouldn't have had to climb in the first place.

"I would have, if I had known," I say. "Couldn't just let you hang there, so I took a risk. Come on, time to get their flag."

I hesitate, but decide to continue with my small amount of boldness, I take her arm in my hand and we hurry back to the carousel.

We quickly return to the carousel and I can see that only half of the team is there. Christina is sitting on one of the horses, guarding the flag which is behind her. The rest of the initiates are scattered out around the carousel on guard.

"Where'd the others go?" I ask.

Gabby, turns to me and snaps.

"Did you guys turn on the wheel?" she barks. "What the hell are you thinking? You might as well have just shouted 'Here we are! Come and get us!'" she shakes her head at me, fuming at the thought that this may be her third consecutive year of losing capture the flag. "If I lose again this year, the shame will be unbearable. Three years in a row?"

"The wheel doesn't matter," I say with a smirk. "We know where they are."

"We?" Christina says, her eyes flitting back and forth between Tris and me.

"Yes, while the rest of you were twiddling your thumbs, Tris climbed the Ferris wheel to look for the other team," I tell them.

"What do we do now, then?" Uriah asks through a yawn.

I turn my attention to Tris. She needs to become the leader that I know she is. She needs to show the rest of them how brilliant she is.

Everyone fixes their gaze on her. She clearly is put off by all of the attention and suddenly doesn't look as confident as she had been just moments ago. She hesitates for a moment, and then a knowing look crosses her face. Suddenly she knows exactly what to do and begins to explain it to the rest.

"Split in half," she says. "Four of us go to the right side of the pier, three to the left. The other team is in the park at the end of the pier, so the group of four will charge as the group of three sneaks up behind the other team to get the flag."

"Sounds good," Gabby claps her hands together in approval. "Let's get this night over with, shall we?"

The team splits into two groups, as instructed, and we set off towards the Pier. I head off with the group of four to the right to distract the other team while Tris, Christina, and Uriah begin heading to the left side. We come into view of the flag and take our positions awaiting Tris and her group.

I send a shot into the flank of the other team and the rest of my group follows. The other team yells and charges us from their hiding spot. Paintballs fly through the air making spattering noises whenever they find their targets. Tris and other half of my team charges from behind and catches Eric's team by surprise. I take out the initiate closest to the flag by hitting her square in the stomach. She drops her gun and doubles over from the impact. The flag is almost unguarded. I see Uriah as he lifts his gun, aims and shoots the last guard in the thigh. The initiate, a Dauntless-born with bright purple hair, throws her gun down to the ground and throws a tantrum at the fact that her team has been defeated.

Christina and Tris reach the tree at the same time and are beneath the branch that has houses the flag. Tris reaches for the flag, but she is not tall enough to reach it. Christina easily reaches up and snatches the flag from the branch and lets out a cry of victory. Behind me, the rest of my team lets out a cry of victory and they run up to where Christina and Tris are standing. Christina is quickly engulfed by the group of elated initiates who are all grabbing her arm to lift the flag higher in the air to show the world their symbol of success.

Tris backs off and gazes at her team with pride, she stands close enough for the glow from the flag to illuminate her face. She smiles, happiness exudes from her and I can't help but to stare at her in awe. Warmth travels through me and I am slowly getting to the point that I can't control my feelings for her anymore. The heat rushes to my face and I can feel my face flush at the thought of approaching her.

I walk over and gently place a hand on her shoulder.

"Well done," I say to her quietly.

She looks up at me and I can see the pride in her smile. She knows that she accomplished something special here tonight.

XXX

We return to the train and despite the time, my team is energized from their win. Eric's team sits and sulks. Eric scowls more than normal.

Tris sits with her back against the wall. Uriah and Marlene move over toward her to talk to her about climbing the Ferris wheel. She smiles as they talk. Suddenly the train lurches and the paintball that Uriah was fiddling with breaks and sprays Tris in the face. She laughs, an intoxicating, beautiful laugh and wipes some of the paint from her face on to his. He then tries to get her back but sprays himself instead. Marlene can't control herself and she falls over with laughter. Although I feel a twinge of jealousy, I know that Uriah's heart belongs to Marlene. He has been chasing her for two years now. They are practically inseparable. I just wish I could sit there with her and be a part of her life more directly than I am. I am beginning to hate having to be an outsider.

As we travel closer to the Dauntless compound, everyone becomes more subdued. Tris sits and I notice that she steals glances in my direction. She is becoming less self-conscious when she looks at me and when I meet her gaze; she just smiles at me, holds my gaze for a moment, and then shies away. I can't help but think that what I am feeling for her is what she is feeling also. This thought stays with me through the night and I have my first night without nightmares for years.


	8. Chapter 8

I own nothing!

Chapter 8

The next morning, I wake up and leave my apartment much later than usual. Although I'm still reeling from an exciting game of capture the flag and the even more exciting prospect of Tris having feelings for me, I just can't seem to get moving. I run to the dining hall, grab a muffin and make it to the training room with only fifteen minutes to spare before the initiates come in. This is one of my favorite places in the Dauntless compound. The scent of dust and sweat and sharpened metal reminds me of how far I've actually come. This was the first place I ever felt strong. Every time I breathe this air I feel it again.

The initiates enter the room moments later and gaze at the targets and the knives.

**The following is from Free Four- Tobias Tells the Story by Veronica Roth **

**I just don't think I can tell the story better than she does!**

"Tomorrow will be the last day of stage one," Eric says.

He doesn't look at me. I hurt his pride yesterday, and not just during capture the flag- Max pulled me aside at breakfast to ask how the initiates were doing, as if Eric was not the one in charge. Eric was sitting at the table next to mine at the time, scowling into his bran muffin.

"You will resume fighting then," Eric continues. "Today you'll be learning how to aim. Everyone pick up three knives, and pay attention while Four demonstrates the correct technique for throwing them." His eyes fall somewhere north of mine, like he is standing above me. I straighten up. I hate when he treats me like his lackey, like I didn't knock out one of his teeth during our own initiation.

"Now!"

They scramble for knives like factionless kids over a spare piece of bread, too desperate. All except her, with her deliberate movements, her blond head slipping between the shoulders of taller initiates. She doesn't try to look comfortable with the blades balancing on her palms, and that is what I like about her, that she knows these weapons are unnatural yet she finds a way to wield them.

Eric walks toward me, and I back away by instinct. I try not to be afraid of him, but I know how smart he is and that if I'm not careful he'll notice that I keep staring at her, and that will be my undoing. I turn toward the target, a knife in my right hand.

I requested that the knife-throwing be taken from the training curriculum this year, because it serves no actual purpose other than fueling the Dauntless bravado. No one here will ever use it except to impress someone, the way I will impress them now. Eric would say that dazzling people can be useful, which is why he denied my request, but it's everything I hate about Dauntless.

I hold the knife by its blade so the balance is right. My initiation instructor, Amar, saw that I had a busy mind, so he taught me to tie my movements to my breaths. I inhale, stare at the target's center. I exhale, and throw. The knife hits the target. I hear a few of the initiates draw breath at the same time.

I find a rhythm in it: inhale and pass the next knife to my right hand, exhale and turn it with my fingertips, inhale and watch the target, exhale and throw. Everything goes dark around the center of that board. The other factions call us brutish, as if we don't use our minds, but that is all I do here.

Eric's voice breaks my daze. "Line up!"

I leave the knives in the board to remind the initiates of what is possible, and stand against the side wall. Amar was also the one who gave me my name, back in the days when the first thing initiates did upon arriving in the Dauntless compound was go through our fear landscapes. He was the sort of person who made a nickname stick, so likable that everyone imitated him.

He's dead now, but sometimes, in this room, I can still hear him scolding me for holding my breath.

_She_ doesn't hold her breath. That's good- one less bad habit to break. But she has a clumsy arm, awkward as a chicken leg.

Knives are flying but, most of the time, not spinning. Even Edward hasn't figured it out, though he's usually the quickest, his eyes alive with that Erudite knowledge- craving.

"I think the Stiff's taken too many hits to the head!" Peter says. "Hey, Stiff! Remember what a _knife_ is?"

I don't usually hate people, but I hate Peter. I hate that he tries to shrink people, the same way Eric does.

Tris doesn't answer, just picks up a knife and throws, still with that awkward arm, but it works- I hear metal slam against board, and I smile.

"Hey, Peter," Tris says. "Remember what a _target_ is?"

I watch each of them, trying not to catch Eric's eye as he paces like a caged animal behind them. I have to admit that Christina is good- though I don't like giving credit to Candor smart- mouths- and so is Peter- though I don't like giving credit to future psychopaths. Al, however, is just a walking, talking sledgehammer, all power and no finesse.

It's a shame Eric also notices.

"How slow _are_ you, Candor? Do you need glasses? Should I move the target closer to you?" he says, his voice strained.

Al the Sledgehammer has unexpectedly soft insides. The taunting pierces them. When he throws again, the knife sails into a wall.

"What was that, initiate?" Eric says.

"It- it slipped."

"Well, I think you should go get it."

The initiates stop throwing.

"Did I tell you to stop?" Eric says, his pierced eyebrows raised.

This is not good.

"Go get it?" says Al. "But everyone's still throwing/"

"And?"

"And I don't want to get hit."

"I think you can trust your fellow initiates to aim better than you. Go get your knife."

"No."

_The Sledgehammer strikes again_, I think. The response is stubborn but there is no strategy in it. Still, it takes more bravery for Al to say no than for Eric to force him to get a knife to the back of the head, which is something Eric will never understand.

"Why not? Are you afraid?"

"Of getting stabbed by an airborne knife?" says Al. "Yes, I am!"

My body gets heavy as Eric raises his voice. "Everyone stop!"

The first time I met Eric he wore blue and his hair was parted down the side. He was trembling as he approached Amar to receive the injection of fear- landscape serum into his neck. During his fear landscape, he never moved an inch; he just stood still, screaming into clenched teeth, and somehow maneuvered his heartbeat down to an acceptable level using his breath. I didn't know it was possible to conquer fear in your body before you did it in your mind. That was when I knew I should be wary of him.

"Clear out of the ring," Eric says. Then, to Al: "All except you. Stand in front of the target."

Al, gulping, lumbers over to the target. I pull away from the wall. I know what Eric will do. And it will probably end with a lost eye or a pierced throat; with horror, as every fight I've witnessed has, each one driving me further and further from the faction I chose as a haven.

Without looking at me, Eric says, "Hey, Four. Give me a hand here, huh?"  
Part of me feels relief. At least I know that if I am throwing the knives instead of Eric, Al is less likely to get injured. But I also can't be this cruel, and I can't be the one who does Eric's dirty work.

I try to act casual, scratching my eyebrow with a knife point, but I don't feel casual. I feel like someone is pressing me into a mold that does not fit my body, forcing me into the wrong shape.

Eric says, "You're going to stand there as he throws those knives until you learn not to flinch."

My chest feels tight. I want to save Al, but the more I defy Eric, the more determined he will be to put me in my place. I decide to pretend that I am bored by the whole thing.

"Is this really necessary?"

"I have the authority here, remember?" Eric says. "Here, and everywhere else."

I can feel blood creeping into my face as I stare at him, and he stares back. Max asked me to be a faction leader and I should have said yes; I would have, if I had known that I would prevent things like this, things like dangling initiates over the chasm and forcing them to beat each other senseless.

I realize that I have been squeezing the knives so tightly that the handles have left impressions on my palms. I have to do what Eric says. My only other choice is leaving the room, and if I leave, Eric will throw the knives himself, which I can't allow. I turn toward Al.

And then she says- I know it's her because her voice is low, for a girl's, and careful- "Stop it."

I don't want Eric to turn on her instead. I glare at her as if that will make her think twice. I know it won't. I'm not stupid.

"Any idiot can stand in front of a target," Tris says. "It doesn't prove anything except that you're bullying him. Which, as I recall, is a sign of cowardice."

Dauntless brutes- bullies, Lower Level children- that is what we are, beneath the tattoos and the piercings and the dark clothing.

_Maybe I_am _stupid._I have to stop thinking of her this way.

"Then it should be easy for you," Eric says, pushing his hair back so it curls around his ear. "If you're willing to take his place."

And then his eyes shift to mine, just for a second. It's like he knows, he _knows_ I have a thing for her, so he's going to force me to throw knives at her. For an instant- no, longer than an instant- I think of throwing a knife at him instead. I could hit him in the arm, or the leg, no harm done….

"There goes your pretty face," Peter says, across the room. "Oh, wait. You don't have one."

I barely register the comment. I am too busy watching her.

She stands with her back to the board. The top of her head skims the bottom of the target center. She tips her chin up and looks at me with that Abnegation stubbornness I know so well. She may have left them, but they are what's making her strong.

I can't tell her it will be okay, not with Eric here, but I can try to make her strong.

"If you flinch, Al takes your place. Understand?" I say.

Eric stands a little too close, tapping his foot on the floor. I have to get this right. I can't throw the knife to the edge of the board, because he knows I can hit the center. But a clumsy throw, an inch in either direction, and I could hurt her. _There goes your pretty face._

But Peter's right, she's not _pretty_, that word is too small. She is not like the girls I used to stare at, all bend and curve and softness. She is small but strong, and her bright eyes demand attention. Looking at her is like waking up.

I throw the knife, keeping my eyes on hers. It sticks in the board near her cheek. My hands shake with relief. Her eyes close, so I know I need to remind her again of her selflessness.

"You about done, Stiff?" I say.

_Stiff. That's why you're strong, get it?_

She looks angry. "No."

_Why on earth_would _she get it? She can't read minds, for Goodness' sake._

"Eyes open, then," I say, tapping the skin between my eyebrows. I don't really need her eyes to be on mine, but I feel better when they are. I breathe the dust- sweat- metal smell and pass a knife from my left hand to my right. Eric inches closer.

My view of the room narrows around the part in her hair, and I throw with my exhale.

I hear Eric behind me. "Hmm" is all he says.

"Come on, Stiff," I say. "Let someone else stand there and take it."

"Shut _up_, Four!" she says, and I want to yell back that I'm as frustrated as she is, with an Erudite vulture analyzing my every move, searching for my weak points so he can hit them as hard as he can.

I hear the "hmm" again and I'm not sure if it's Eric or my imagination, but I know I have to convince him that she's just another initiate to me, and I have to do it now. I breathe deep, and make a quick decision, staring at the tip of her ear, the quick- healing cartilage.

The fear does not exist. My beating hear, tight chest, and sweating palms do not exist.

I throw the knife and look away when she winces, too relieved to feel bad for hurting her. I did it.

"I would love to stay and see if the rest of you are as daring as she is, but I think that's enough for today," says Eric. To me, he mutters, "Well. That should scare them, huh."

I think- I hope- that means he's not suspicious of me anymore.

He touches her shoulder, and gives her a metal-framed smile. "I should keep my eye on you."

I watch blood trickle down her ear and onto her neck and feel sick.

The room empties, the door closes, and I wait until the footsteps disappear before starting toward her.

"Is your- " I start to reach for the side of her head.

She glares. "You did that on _purpose_!"

"Yes, I did," I say. "And you should be thanking me for helping you-" I want to explain about Eric and how badly he wants to hurt me and everyone I even remotely care for, or about how I know where her strength comes from and wanted to remind her, but she doesn't give me a chance.

_"Thank_you? You almost stabbed my ear, and you spend the entire time taunting me. Why should I thank you?"

_Taunting?_I scowl at her.

"You know, I'm getting a little tired of waiting for you to catch on!" I say.

"Catch on? Catch on to what? That you wanted to prove to Eric how tough you are? That you're sadistic, just like he is?"

The accusation makes me feel cold. She thinks I'm like Eric? She thinks I want to _impress_ him?

"I am not sadistic." I lean closer to her and suddenly I feel nervous, like something is prickling in my chest. "If I wanted to hurt you, don't you think I would have already?"  
She's close enough to touch, but if she thinks I'm like Eric, that will never happen.

Of course she thinks I'm like Eric. I just threw knives at her head. I screwed it all up. Permanently.

I have to get out. I cross the room and, at the last second before I slam the door, shove the point of my knife into the table.

I hear her frustrated scream from around the corner, and I stop, sinking into a crouch with my back to the wall. Before she got here everything had stalled inside me, and every morning I was just moving toward nighttime. I'd thought about leaving- I'd _decided_ to leave, to be factionless, after this class of initiates was done. But then she was here and she was just like me, putting aside her gray clothes but not really putting them aside, never really putting them aside because she knows the secret, that they are the strongest armor we can wear.

And now she hates me and I can't even leave Dauntless to join the factionless, like I was going to, because Eric's eye is on her like it was on Amar last year, right before he turned up dead on the pavement near the railroad tracks. All the Divergent end up dead except me, because my fluke aptitude test result, and if Eric is watching her, she's probably one, too.

My thoughts skip back to the night before, how touching her sent warmth into my hand and through the rest of me, though I was frozen with fear. I press my hands to my head, press the memory away.

I can't leave now. I like her too much. There, I said it. But I won't say it again.


	9. Chapter 9

I own nothing!

Chapter 9

Today is the final day of the first round of the initiation. So far I think most the transfers have adjusted well to Dauntless life.

I stand in the training room as I do every day, working off my frustrations on a punching bag or throwing knives. I am still frustrated about yesterday's events but the workout always helps, this place has always been my sanctuary. I am always the only one in here, I guess that is why I'm good at the things that I can do. I finish my workout and clean up; the initiates will be here soon for their final fight. Eric is nowhere to be seen and that is okay by me. I will be making the pairings today; at least I know they won't be unevenly matched like last time. I have been contemplating this for the past couple days. I write the match-ups on the chalkboard and turn in time to see the first initiates move into the room.

Peter, Molly, and Drew come in the room laughing about something that happened this morning with Tris. Hearing this infuriates me, I know whatever happened with Tris wasn't good. Everyone else arrives, except for Tris. Now I'm getting even angrier, what have they done to her? Just as I'm about to question them, she comes running into the room and over to Christina. She looks flustered and angry. Now I really would like to know what they did to her.

"Hey, where were you this morning?" says Christina.

"I got held up," Tris tells her.

"You okay, Tris?" asks Al. "You look a little…"

"A little what?" she snaps back.

"On edge," Al says.

Well, isn't he the most observant friend. Obviously she is on edge; you could see that from the moment she walked in the room. She looks to the chalkboard and sees her pairing and smirks. Looks like she is ready to retaliate for whatever happened this morning.

All the fights go as planned. Will beat Myra and Al fell after a couple hits from Christina and didn't get back up. Edward and Peter's fight was much more interesting, it is clear that Edward has been studying combat for some time. He bested Peter with a punch to the jaw. The final fight today is Tris and Molly.

She walks to the middle, eyes fixed on a single point and Molly approaches her, smirking.

"Was that a birthmark I saw on your left butt cheek?" she asks. "God, you're pale, Stiff."

_What does that mean?_

Whatever happened, Tris doesn't respond to the taunting. Tris stands there analyzing, she knows how Molly fights. Molly throws the first punch as she always does. Tris is ready for this and ducks, and punches Molly in the stomach. Molly rushes at Tris ready to tackle her, but Tris sidesteps quickly and attempts to hit Molly in the face with her elbow but only grazes her. Molly gets angry and sloppily attempts a kick that misses and allows Tris to knock her off balance.

The longer the fight goes the angrier and more intense Tris becomes. Whatever happened this morning is surely fueling her rage. Tris punches her in the stomach, kicks her legs out from under her, and kicks her in the ribs. Molly is on the ground curled into a ball but Tris continues in her attack. She gives Molly a kick to the stomach, a kick to the face, and a kick to the chest.

Tris is not ruthless, she is not cruel. It seems like she is taking all of the taunting, name calling, and horrible behavior that she has endured and using it to fuel her anger.

Tris gets ready to kick again, but I decide it's enough.

I go into the rink just before Tris kicks again and grab a hold of her. I stare into her eyes and see something that I've never seen in her eyes before. There is an unnatural viciousness in her eyes. My eyes widen, I know I must look alarmed.

"You won," I say quietly. "Stop."

I look at her now, my eyes searching her for some kind of reaction. I see her calm, and begin to process what was going on around her..

"I think you should leave," I say. "Take a walk."

"I'm fine," she says. "I'm fine now," she is reassuring herself as much as me.

I would love to figure out what happened, but I may never know. It may be time to share my sanctuary with another person. She might just find it as therapeutic and healing as I do.

XXX

We let the initiates go to lunch. They have the rest of today off and all of tomorrow before they begin the second round of initiation. I clean up the training room and head out when I bump into Zeke.

"Hey Four, what's wrong," Zeke asks.

""Nothing, Tris just beat the crap out of someone. Something must have happened to make her act that way, but I don't know what."

"I do," Zeke says. "Shauna and I were walking toward the Dauntless born training room when we heard taunting. Those three transfers that are always together like they are some kind of pack were taunting her. The big one pulled a towel off of her and she didn't have anything on underneath."

Hearing this makes my blood boil. Suddenly Molly's comments about a birthmark and Tris being pale make perfect sense. That boy Peter is just as sadistic as Eric is and he needs to be put in his place.

"Thanks for telling me," I say trying to hide my fury.


	10. Chapter 10

.

I own nothing!

Chapter 10

Visiting Day

I sit on the edge of my bed gazing toward the phrase "Fear God Alone". I'm still groggy from a long night of nightmares and tossing and turning. Visiting day always has this affect on me. Not because I have any desire to see my father, but because it is the one day a year that I actually think about what it would have been like to grow up in a normal family without the abuse, beatings, and mental anguish. This will be the only moment that I allow myself to dwell on this, and then I will return to who I am now. Four, the so called 'Dauntless Prodigy.' That is what Amar used to call me after I received a first place ranking throughout my own initiation. Although I was from Abnegation, I was a natural in the ring, at knife throwing, and shooting guns. I especially excelled at the simulations. And then of course there is the fear landscape and the reason that I got my nickname. Four fears is unheard of in Dauntless, it is less than half of the norm. These are the times when I miss my old mentor.

I sit for a moment longer staring at the words on the wall. It is time to get up and make my way to the dining hall for breakfast.

The Pit is already bustling with families, initiates, and Dauntless. Today is a day that the Dauntless take to gather.

I walk into the dining hall and spot Zeke, Shawna, and Lauren sitting at our normal table. I have not had the opportunity to really talk to them for the past few days because of initiation, other than our brief conversation about Tris yesterday. I grab my food and take a seat across from Zeke.

"Hey man, I thought you'd already be down in the pit with your family," I say to Zeke.

"I'm getting ready to head there now, just waiting for Uriah to finish flirting with Marlene over there," he gestures toward his brother at another table.

"How is initiation going Four?" asks Lauren. "We have not seen much of you for the past few days."

"It's been busy, and I've been spending a lot of time in the training room."

"Oh really," smirks Lauren. "And why would you be spending so much time working out? Is there someone you are trying to impress with your physique and skill? May a little Stiff that you climbed a Farris wheel with?"

I glare at her and don't respond.

"Wait! What?!" shouts Shauna. "What are you talking about?"

Lauren whispers to Shauna, "I think Four has a thing for the Stiff. At capture the flag, he climbed the Farris wheel with her to find Eric's flag. All I know is once they came back down he didn't stop smiling until we made it back to the compound."

"Four, do you really have a thing for the Stiff?" Shauna asks quietly.

"I have no idea what you are talking about Shauna, she is an initiate and I am her instructor and that is all." I avert my eyes so she can't see that I'm lying to her. She has always been able to spot my lies.

"You liar!" she scolds. "You can't lie to me; you have never been able to lie to me! Does she know? Have you made a move?"

"As much as I'd love to stick around for the 'girl talk', it looks like Uriah is ready," says Zeke. "See you in the Pit later!" Zeke smiles at me and walks out of the room.

I finish my breakfast and try to avoid Shauna and Lauren's questions.

"You are going to have to talk to me sometime Four," says Shana.

Shauna has always been the person that I could confide in the most for the past two years. Zeke is probably my best friend, but there are just some things that guys don't discuss.

Lauren finishes her breakfast, tells us she will see us later and heads out to the Pit to see her family.

"So are you going to talk to me about this?" Shauna presses.

"Nothing has happened, Shauna. We climbed the Farris wheel to find the flag that is all."

"But you want something to happen with her. I can tell."

"Look, this is an impossible situation. Even if I did want something to happen, nothing can. It wouldn't be good for either of us." I tell her.

"Look Four, for two years now, you have never once shown any interest in anyone. You keep to yourself, brooding. If this girl really has your interest, you can't ignore it. Talk to her, there are no rules against that!"

I look at Shauna, as always she is right. I have never been interested in anyone like this before. We finish our breakfast in silence and head down to the Pit. Shauna spots her family, says she will see me later and moves through the crowd to see them. I make my way to the chasm. Next to the training room, this is another of my favorite places. I lean on the railing and gaze down at the water thinking about Tris when suddenly I hear her voice behind me.

"There is one of my instructors," she says. Then she mumbles something else that I couldn't hear.

"He's handsome," says another voice. This voice is very similar to Tris' I can only imagine it must be her mother.

I turn to look over my shoulder and there she is, standing with a woman that looks like an older version of her, wearing grey. My eyes widen, I know her! She is Andrew Prior's wife. Of course, Beatrice Prior, they were our neighbors in Abnegation. Her father is an Abnegation leader along with my father.

"Hello. My name is Natalie," she says. "I'm Beatrice's mother."

I reach out and shake her hand. It is awkward for both of us.

"Four," I say. "It's nice to meet you."

"Four," Natalie says. "Is that a nick name?"

Does this mean she doesn't recognize me?

"Yes," I say keeping my voice low and steady.

"Your daughter is doing well here. I've been overseeing her training."

"That's good to hear," Natalie says. "I know a few things about Dauntless initiation, and I was worried about her."

I look over at Tris standing by her mother. I look from her nose to mouth to chin. She really is striking.

"You shouldn't worry."

"You look familiar for some reason, Four." Natalie says.

I knew she would recognize me. She watched me grow up across the street from them. Although I didn't really socialize with anyone because of my father, she still would have seen me around. I also have the same eyes as my father and I resemble him a little.

"I can't imagine why," I respond. "I don't make it a habit of associating with the Abnegation."

Natalie laughs, "Few people do, these days. I don't take it personally."

I give her a small smile, she doesn't seem like a normal Abnegation. I wonder if she was always Abnegation or if she transferred. "Well, I'll leave you to your reunion."

I walk away, hoping she doesn't tell Tris who I really am. I feel like there was enough of an unspoken understanding that she won't reveal who I really am.

I make my way to the tattoo parlor, Tori is working today and I'm going to get the flames on my rib cage done today. Shouldn't take too long, she just needs to finish the shading to make them look more realistic.

About an hour later I'm leaving the tattoo parlor, thrilled with the outcome of this tattoo. This may be my favorite so far. I walk through the Pit to head toward the dining hall when someone taps me on the shoulder. I turn to see Natalie again.

"Four, I'm sorry to bother you, but I need to talk to you about Beatrice."

I look at her, curious about what she could possibly ask of me.

"How can I help you?"

"Beatrice is in danger here. I can't explain, but I get the feeling that you will understand and be willing to help me."

"Absolutely, I will watch out for her." I tell her.

Her face relaxes a bit.

"Thank you Tobias, please know that I am in your debt." She turns and walks away.

I knew she recognized me. I also know that she did not let Tris know anything.

XXX

Later that evening, I take the chalkboard back into the initiates' dorm. A few people have already started to make their way into the room when I enter with the chalkboard. They turn in my direction and follow me to the back of the room. I stand there waiting with the chalkboard leaning against my leg, and the piece of chalk still in my hand.

"After the first round of fights," I begin as the initiates gather around me in a tight group. "You are ranked…"

The door flies open and in comes Drew, Tris, Christina, Will and Al, all looking quite frazzled and out of breath.

"For those of you who just came in, I'm explaining how the ranks are determined," I tell them. "After the first round of fights, we ranked you according to your skill level. The number of points you earn depends on your skill level and the skill level of the person you beat. You earn more points for improving and more points for beating someone of a high skill level. I don't reward preying on the weak. That is cowardice."

I glance toward Peter for a second as I say the last line.

"If you have a high rank, you lose points for losing to a low-ranked opponent."

Molly lets out a noise to express her displeasure.

"Stage two of training is weighted more heavily than stage one, because it is more closely tied to overcoming cowardice." I explain. "That said, it is extremely difficult to rank high at the end of initiation if you rank low in stage one."

Tris' is smaller than everyone and is shifting around behind the others to try to see. Is she trying to look at me? Her shifting movements draw my attention, but she averts her eyes when we make eye contact.

"We will announce the cuts tomorrow," I continue, shifting my eyes away from Tris. "The fact that you are transfers and the Dauntless-born initiates are not will not be taken into consideration. Four of you could be factionless and none of them. Or four of them could be factionless and none of you. Or any combination thereof. That said, here are your ranks."

I hang the board on the hook and step back so the initiates can get at good look at their rankings.

"What?" Molly pipes up, pointing a stubby finger at Christina. "I beat her! I beat her in _minutes_, and she's ranked _above _me?"

"Yeah," Christina gloats. "And?"

I cut in before Molly has a chance to retort. "If you intend to secure yourself a high rank, I suggest you don't make a habit of losing to low-ranked opponents."

I don't mean to imply anything bad about Tris, but Molly needs to understand that she can't lose to lower ranked opponents and still expect to have a high rank.

I place the piece of chalk in my pocket and move to leave the dorm. I can feel Tris' eyes following me out, but I don't turn to look at her. I continue out of the room and head toward my apartment.

As I walk through the Pit I see Zeke, Shauna, and Lauren. I catch up with them and we decide to go back to Zeke's apartment for a couple beers before bed. Once I'm somewhat numb and safely in my bed, I drift off for what I hope is a good night's sleep.

XXX

Suddenly I am woken by a pounding on my door. Lauren is there, shaken.

"Edward was stabbed in the eye after lights out," she tells me.

"Do they know who did it?"

"Even I know who did it and they aren't even my initiates!" she says.

Of course, Peter. Number 2.

"Edward and Myra have dropped out; they have chosen to become factionless."

I don't get back to sleep after that. I walk around the compound for a while and see Christina and Tris moving back and forth between the bathroom and the dorm. Tris has blood on her hands. It seems she has taken upon herself to clean up Edward's blood from the floor and Christina is helping her gather paper towels. She is always Abnegation when she needs to be her strongest.

I eventually make my way to my sanctuary and begin to work out on the punching bag.


	11. Chapter 11

I own nothing!

Chapter 11

The initiates have the day off today, which means that I also have some time off. I go to the control room for a while. Even though I don't have to be there while I'm training initiates, I choose to take shifts when I can. I just don't want anything to happen while I'm not around. I like to know that I am aware of what is going on for the security and to know that I am always capable of escaping if I need to.

After my shift, I go down to the dining hall to meet up with Zeke, Lauren, and Shauna for lunch.

"We are going zip-lining after we are done here, you want to come Four?" says Zeke.

Despite the fact that he is my best friend, he doesn't know about my fear of heights.

"No, I don't think so. I think I'm just going to hang around here today. Try to relax a bit before starting phase two of initiation tomorrow." I say. "Are you taking any of the initiates?"

"Yeah," says Shauna. "Marlene, Lynn, and Uriah will be coming and I guess anyone else that they might invite."

"Well, have fun. I'm going to head up to the tattoo parlor. Tori drew something up to add to my back. I'm going to go see what she came up with. If I like it, I'll probably be there for a while. I'll see you later." I say.

I head out of the dining hall and up to see Tori. As usual her artwork is fantastic. I already have the five factions on my back. This tattoo will pretty much cover any remaining bare skin on my back. I straddle the chair to give Tori the best canvas that I can and she gets to work.

"So Four, what's going on with you? You don't come around and see me much anymore."

"Just busy with initiation and dealing with the initiates."

"I see. Spending extra time with any of them specifically?"

I glare at her, I don't know what she thinks she knows, "No, why would I?"

"I see things, Four. I notice things. That is why I'm such a great tattoo artist and people find it so easy to talk to me."

"There is nothing going on, Tori. How about you just finish the tattoo, okay?"

XXX

A few hours later, my body is numb from the sting of the tattoo needle and sitting in one place for so long.

I make my way into the training room to work out a bit. I work on the punching bag for a while, thinking about everything that's been happening with Tris. Her fight with Molly and the way she finally stood up for herself. Her taking time to clean up the blood after Edward's accident. No one else would have done that. I was actually surprised that she got Christina to help her with that. It amazes me that she is definitely Dauntless, she is learning to fight well, and she's done well with weapons. But she's also Abnegation, she's selfless almost to a fault.

I keep working out, thinking about her and the more I think the more I begin to piece her behaviors together. I'm starting to wonder if she's Divergent. She is so much more than one thing. If she is, I hope I catch it and can protect her before someone else notices.

By the time I finish working out, it is dinner time. Zeke and the rest of them should be back from zip-lining soon.

I meet up with Zeke, Shauna, and Lauren in the dining hall for dinner. They all have the bright eyed, windblown look of zip-lining. I sit down to eat with them and notice Tris as she enters the cafeteria. Shauna waves at her as she heads over to her transfer friends. I wonder what that was all about. Then I notice that Tris has the same look as my friends, bright eyes and windblown hair.

"So how was zip-lining?" I ask.

"A total rush as always," Lauren responds. "I know the famous Four is probably over such mundane thrills, but you really should come with us next time."

Yeah right, like that is going to happen!

"Yeah, maybe next time. Who all was there?" I ask casually.

"The normal members, and about six initiates," says Lauren.

"Yeah, one of the initiates was interested in you on the train," smirks Shauna.

"Really? Why?" I ask.

"Tris was asking a lot of questions about you. She was _very_ interested in if you have talked to me about her and what you said. She said it was because she wanted to know if her instructor was talking about her, but there was definitely something else there." Shauna gives me a knowing smile as I look across the cafeteria at Tris.

"How did you manage to end up taking a transfer with you?" I ask.

"Uriah invited her," says Zeke with a mouthful of food. "He knew she witnessed that kid get his eye stabbed out and wanted to distract her.

Shauna looks at me as I feel the heat rise in my cheeks. She smiles at the expression I must me making. When I realize that I'm staring toward Tris then over to Uriah who is at another table. I wonder if they have a thing for each other. It would only be natural I guess. This thought angers me though.

Zeke and Lauren get up to go, leaving Shauna and me alone at the table.

"You know there is nothing between Tris and Uriah, right?" she asks. "Uriah has a thing for Marlene and it is obvious to anyone with eyes that she has a thing for you."

I look at Shauna with a puzzled expression, "What do you mean?"

"That girl can't keep her eyes off of you whenever you are around. She constantly steals glances at you when you are in the same room. It is also obvious that your feelings have grown stronger over the past few weeks," she says. "Don't you dare give me that Four glare and growl like last time I tried to talk to you about this. You need to make a move on that girl before she moves on."

"What do you mean, 'move on?'"

"Look Four, you are my friend so I'm going to be blunt here. A girl is only going to wait so long before she gives up. And if you don't do something before she does, you will regret it."

"Shauna, it just wouldn't be right. I'm her instructor."

"You are also an eighteen year old guy, Four. You can't let the fact that she is your initiate stop you. Just think about it, okay?"

I look at her. Maybe she is right. Maybe it is time.


	12. Chapter 12

I own nothing!

Chapter 12

Today we begin the second stage of initiation. I sit in the simulation room at the computer to make sure everything is ready for the initiates. This is the part that will either make or break them. Being challenged with your worst fears and being forced to confront them usually causes at least one or two of the initiates to break down. In my initiation year, this is when James took a dive into the chasm. I guess the fears were too much to handle.

I walk out into the hall where both the Dauntless-born and transfer initiates wait.

"The Dauntless-born and transfer initiates were separated for stage one, from now on you will be training together." I tell everyone.

I look around, glance toward Tris sitting by Will, Christina, and Uriah. She is the only one to transcend the barrier that usually exists between Dauntless-born and transfers. This is just another thing about her that makes her special. I turn around and return to the simulation room to finalize everything before bringing them in.

I walk back into the hall it Lynn and Uriah trying to intimidate the transfers.

"Lynn," I beckon.

She gets up and follows me into the room where she sees the chair and starts to panic.

"What is this?" she demands.

"This is a fear simulation. I am going to inject the simulation serum into your neck. This will transport you into one of your greatest fears. You must find a way to calm yourself down in order to get out of the simulation." I explain to her.

She sits in the chair, I inject the serum and she is lost in her hallucination. I go to the computer and attach the wires so that I can observe what is happening.

It takes Lynn 15 minutes to finally calm herself down enough to escape the illusion. I give her a few minutes to compose herself and direct her to leave through the back door.

Back in the hall I beckon, "Peter."

I proceed to explain everything in much the same way that I explained it to Lynn. It takes Peter about 18 minutes to escape his nightmare world.

This continues through all of the initiates. On average they are taking between 8 to 18 minutes to get through their fears.

I reenter the hall, "Come on, Tris." I say.

She stands and begins walking when Drew sticks out his leg to trip her. At the last second she hops over his leg effortlessly.

I rest my hand on her shoulder and I lead her into the room first, then shut the door quietly. I always manage to find a way to touch her. I wonder if she notices.

She stops and recoils. I bump into her and her shoulders hit my chest. She must realize what this is.

"Sit," I say. I wrap my hands around her arms, and guide her towards the chair.

"What's the simulation?" she asks me. Her voice is shaky and unsure.

"Ever hear the phrase 'face your fears'?" I ask her. "We're taking that literally. The simulation will teach you to control your emotions in the midst of a frightening situation."

She touches a hand to her forehead nervously. She slowly walks toward the chair, terror on her face and in every move she makes. I stay close by for support hoping that my presence will give her some courage and support.

"Do you ever administer the aptitude tests?" she asks.

"No," I say. "I avoid Stiffs as much as possible."

She looks at me confused, "Why?"

"Do you ask me that because you think I'll actually answer?" I don't intend to sound so unpleasant, but I'm not ready to share that information with anyone.

"Why do you say vague things if you don't want to be asked about them?" she asks.

Usually through vague comments, I am able to get people to stop asking me questions. Most Dauntless look at this as just another quark of the mysterious 'prodigy' that is Four. That mystery is what feeds into the reputation that I have managed to create. All it does with her though is cause her to ask more questions. She is not afraid of my hard shell. She seems determined to break through and find the real me, I'm just not sure if she will like me once she knows.

I gently move her hair and brush her neck with the tips of my fingers in the process. Her hair is silky and the skin on her neck, supple. I tap a syringe with my finger.

"An injection?" she asks, her eyes widening at the sight of the needle in my hand.

"We use a more advanced version of the simulation here," I say, "a different serum, no wires or electrodes for you."

"How does it work without wires?" she asks warily.

"Well _I_ have wires, so I can see what's going on," I explain. "But for you, there's a tiny transmitter in the serum that sends data to the computer."

I hold her arm with one hand to calm her and gently push the needle into the side of her neck with my other hand. She grimaces and looks up at me searching for some kind of reassurance.

"The serum will go into effect in sixty seconds. This simulation is different from the aptitude test," I say. "In addition to containing the transmitter, the serum stimulates the amygdale, which is the part of the brain involved in processing negative emotions- like fear- and then induces the hallucination. The brain's electrical activity is then transmitted to our computer, which then translates your hallucination into a simulated image that I can see and monitor. I will then forward the recording to Dauntless administrators. You stay in the hallucination until you calm down- that is, lower your heart rate and control your breathing."

I place my hands of both sides of her head and lean into her. I can see the terror in her face and hear her labored breathing.

"Be brave, Tris," I whisper. "The first time is always the hardest." I wish I could comfort her more. We lock eyes for a moment before the serum takes effect.

I quickly go over to the computer and attach the wires that will allow me to observe her hallucination.

I plunge myself into her simulated world. She is in a field of tall dry grass, the sky the color of bile. Suddenly there is a flapping all around her. Crows!

I watch helplessly as she struggles against the crows and screams for help. She attempts to fight against them, but they just keep coming. She screams and sobs as the birds continue pecking at her. She needs to calm down. Suddenly she lies on the ground and allows the crows to peck at her. And she wakes.

Three minutes. It only took her three minutes to figure out how to get out of the simulation. I'm starting to wonder if my suspicions about her being Divergent could be correct. Being from Abnegation, it is a very distinct possibility. She didn't do anything to alter the simulation, but she made it come to an end so much faster than anyone else. This could be a huge problem for her. But how do I find out without drawing attention to her? I'm just going to have to watch her simulations and help her as best I can. Who knows where I would be right now if it weren't for Amar watching out for me through the simulations.

Then I remember her mother's words do me. She said that Tris was in danger, she must know that Tris is Divergent. She wanted me to watch out for her and protect her through this. But how did she know that Tris would be able to be identified in the second part of initiation. Then I realize, her mother was different than any other Abnegation that I have ever met. She was Dauntless.

She opens her eyes and suddenly she screams and starts hitting her arms and legs like the crows are still there. She pulls her legs up and buries her face.

I approach her and put a hand on her shoulder, she swings her fist without looking and punches my stomach.

"Don't touch me!" And she starts crying harder.

"It's over," I say. I stroke her hair, trying to comfort her. I want to lift her up and embrace her until she calms down. I like this girl so much. I just want to do anything I can to take away her pain. I have no idea if what I'm doing is even helping. Where is Shauna when I need her guidance? It might be time to really talk to her about this.

She runs her hands up and down the skin on her arms like she is brushing away feathers that aren't there. She slowly starts rocking back and forth.

"Tris."

She is silent.

"Tris, I'm going to take you back to the dorms, okay?"

"No!" she sobs. She glares at me, but she is finding it difficult to calm her quivering lip and tears. "They can't see me… not like this…"

"Oh, calm down," I say, rolling my eyes. "I'll take you out the back door."

Doesn't she understand that they all look like this? They all break down. The only difference here is that I don't have any desire to walk any of the rest of them back to their dorm. I just let them go and deal with it on their own. I don't want to do that with her.

"I don't need you to…" her voice cuts off and she shakes her head. Her body is trembling and she doesn't seem like she even completely knows where she is.

"Nonsense," I say.

I grab her arm lift her out of the chair. I direct her toward the back door as she begins to wipe the tear from her face.

We walk down the hallway toward the dorms. She stops suddenly and pulls her arm away.

"Why did you do that to me?" she asks. "What was the point of that huh? I wasn't aware that when I chose Dauntless, I was signing up for weeks of torture!"

The stress of the simulation has worn off now; her fear has turned to anger. I have to be stern with her to help to keep her strong.

"Did you think overcoming cowardice would be easy?" I ask her, my voice level and without emotion.

"That isn't overcoming cowardice! Cowardice is how you decide to be in real life, and in real life, I am not getting pecked to death by crows, Four!" she presses her face in her hands and starts sobbing again.

She needs to find the inner strength to continue through this and not allow the fears to overcome her.

"I want to go home," her confession barely audible.

I continue to keep my words calm and level and we make eye contact. "Learning how to think in the midst of fear," I say, "is a lesson that everyone, even your Stiff family, needs to learn. That's what we're trying to teach you. If you can't learn it, you'll need to get the hell out of here, because we won't want you." This is a harsh lesson that she needs to learn now if she wants to make it to the end of initiation.

"I'm _trying._" Her lip quivers. "But I failed. I'm failing."

I let out a sigh. "How long do you think you spent in that hallucination, Tris?"

"I don't know." She shakes her head and looks down. "A half hour?"

"Three minutes," I say. "You got out three times faster than the other initiates. Whatever you are, you're not a failure." A smile sneaks up onto my face. "Tomorrow you'll be better at this. You'll see."

"Tomorrow?" she says like she can't believe she has to go through this again.

I touch her back and guide her toward her room. She seems to calm a bit at my touch. She looks at me, but I can't read her expression.

"What was your first hallucination?" she says.

"It wasn't a 'what' so much as a 'who.'" I shrug my shoulders. "It's not important."

"Are you over that fear now?"

"Not yet." We reach the dormitory doors and I lean against the wall. I slip my hands into the pockets at my hips. "I may never be."

"So they don't go away?"

"Sometimes they do. And sometimes new fears replace them." My fingers fiddle with my belt loops and I look at her. "But becoming fearless isn't the point. That's impossible. It's learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it, _that's_ the point."

She nods, looking at me thoughtfully. She has been able to calm herself and relax a bit.

"Anyway, your fears are rarely what they appear to be in the simulation," I say.

"What do you mean?" he eyes lock to mine.

"Well, are you really afraid of crows?" I ask her, smiling. "When you see one, do you run away screaming?"

"No. I guess not." She steps to lean on the wall, closing the gap between us a bit. She looks at me thinking about what I said. She leans in a little closer, closing the gap even more. She is standing so close to me now that it wouldn't require much effort to wrap her in my embrace. "So what am I really afraid of?" she asks.

"I don't know," I say, honestly. "Only you can know."

She nods. "I didn't know becoming Dauntless would be this difficult," she says looking a little worried that she said it out loud.

"It wasn't always like this, I'm told," I say, shrugging.

"What changed?"

"The leadership," I say. "The person who controls the training sets the standard of Dauntless behavior. Six years ago Max and the other leaders changed the training methods to make them more competitive and brutal, said it was supposed to test people's strength. And that changed the priorities of Dauntless as a whole. Bet you can't guess who the leader's new protégé is."

I don't feel like I am talking to her like she is an initiate anymore. She is just a girl that I have walked to her room. We are friends talking about whatever topic arises. I like talking to her like this. I feel like I could tell her anything, my deepest, darkest secrets and she wouldn't judge me.

She looks up at me like she finally understands. "So if you were ranked first in your initiate class," she says, "what was Eric's rank?"

"Second."

"So he was their second choice for leadership," she nods, figuring more out. "And you were their first."

I don't really answer. "What makes you say that?"

"The way Eric was acting at dinner the first night. Jealous, even though he has what he wants."

This doesn't require response. She knows she has figured this all out and she doesn't need me to respond for her to know she is correct.

She sniffs, wipes her face, runs her hands over her hair. "Do I look like I've been crying?" she asks.

"Hmm." I lean in close to her, my eyes taking in every aspect of her face. We are so close that I can tell that she is holding her breath. My lips curl into a smile.

"No, Tris," I say, my face becoming more serious. "You look tough as nails."


	13. Chapter 13

I own nothing!

Chapter 13

After the first day of simulations, I'm just as stressed as the initiates. The simulations take so much out of them as they go in and fight against their fears that most of them will begin to have lasting effects from them. But they also have an effect on me. Having to sit through all of those simulations is unnerving and exhausting.

So when Zeke says that he and some others are going to hang by the chasm and have a couple beers tonight, I don't hesitate to go too. I just need to unwind a little tonight, especially after our moment. After her simulation there was a moment that I really felt a connection to her. I've felt something starting to build in me since she he fell into my life.

So tonight I stand at the railing above the chasm with my friends and lose myself and my thoughts in the bottle of beer that is in my hand. The more I drink, the easier the beers are going down. I'm enjoying this little taste of freedom and I don't see myself stopping anytime soon.

I can feel that my stress and inhibitions are lifting with every drink. I'm definitely feeling pretty good right now. That glorious fuzzy feeling that comes with each drink that I consume is well worth the headache that will accompany the arrival of a new day tomorrow morning.

Even though standing by the chasm drunk probably isn't the best idea in the world, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else tonight. I love this place and I love the sounds. That along with the beers is helping me relax and lose my normal edge. It is also helping to keep my mind off of her. Lately she keeps creeping into my dreams and consciousness without me even realizing it. I find that I do whatever I can to make physical contact with her as often as I can. I space out sometimes when there is nothing else going on because I'm thinking about her. I can't figure out why, but I need to be around her. I need to see her and feel her near me, even if it is all just one sided. I don't know why she is so important to me or why was it so damn important for me to comfort her after her simulation. I didn't feel the need to comfort anyone else. I just sent the rest of them out the door to deal with it on their own. She should not mean this much to me. She should be just another initiate. But she isn't just another initiate, not to me. She is everything that I have longed for my whole life.

What is it about her that I can't seem to resist? She has a spark that she doesn't even realize she has. It causes people to be drawn to her. I've seen what it has done to Al and even Uriah. She doesn't do anything to draw attention to herself. People, especially male people, just can't help but to be drawn to her. But for me it's different. Al is drawn to the weak Abnegation girl and Uriah is drawn to the strong and capable Dauntless girl. But me, I'm drawn to her because she is encapsulates the best of both factions. The strong capable Dauntless girl who can take care of herself and the selfless and sweet Abnegation girl who would forget about her needs and put herself in danger to help someone else

I've got to stop this. The point of having drinks with my friends and trying to relax and lose myself for a while was not so I would stand here and think about her all night. This was supposed to help me forget about her for a while. I try to focus on what Zeke is talking about. He's been telling stories for the past half hour about our initiation.

Zeke begins telling another story from our initiate days.

"Hey, you remember the day that Shauna showed up in the dining hall after waking up late without her pants on? She was so upset that she slept in that she just ran out of the dorms without even noticing that she wasn't wearing any pants. No one could believe their eyes! I thought Four and his Abnegation were going to faint!" We all laugh hysterically as Shauna shoots him a look of death. Then she joins in with the laughter.

"And then… and then…" he can't even finish his story because now he is laughing so hard that tears fill his eyes and he can't catch his breath. This makes us all laugh even harder. I don't know if the story is that funny or if it is the fact that we are a little buzzed by this point. I am laughing so hard that I have to grasp the railing for balance.

Next Lauren starts telling a story about the first time Zeke went zip-lining.

"He screamed like a little girl all the way down," she laughs. "Then he refused to drop down out of the harness because he was sure we were going to let him crash to the pavement."

Now I'm in tears remembering that first zip-lining trip. Everyone was so focused on what a fool Zeke made out of himself, that no one noticed how terrified I was.

I lean on the railing, still holding on to keep my balance, and blink away the tears that have formed through my laughter. Then suddenly I see her. She just left the tattoo parlor with her friends. Christina is getting a piggyback ride from Al and Tris and Will walk behind them talking and smiling.

Her smile is carefree and her face is calm and confident. There is something different about her that I can't place from this distance. But she is even more noticeable than normal. She is fascinating and audacious. She demands attention without meaning to. She is also very pretty… but she really has no idea. No one has ever told her how beautiful she is. She has only ever been told that worrying about her appearance is self-indulgent and wrong. I would love to be the one that helps her to realize how beautiful, strong, and brilliant she is. To be the one that helps her to explore her depths and helps her to escape from whatever holds her back from being truly powerful and someone to contend with.

I watch as she and her friends cross the Pit and move closer in my direction. Will sees me and points in my direction, drawing her attention to where I'm standing and laughing with my friends.

My friends joke around me, but my attention has moved to where she stands with Will. I wonder if there is something going on there. Will once told me he had feelings for one of the girls. I had thought it was Christina, but maybe I was wrong. Shauna sees where I'm looking.

She whispers in my ear smiling, "Four, you need to go do this now." Then she makes a comment for everyone to hear about how Zeke totally freaked out after the first simulation when he saw bug on the floor next to his bed. "He ran screaming from the dorm like it was going to chase him and kill him.

I grab a hold of the railing for balance as I laugh at the memory of Zeke running away from a little bug. Then I gather my courage. It is now or never! I look at Shauna and she continues with another story, distracting everyone from what I'm about to do.

I stand up straight and pull myself away from the railing. I walk toward her and away from my friends. When I'm close enough to her and at a good distance from them, I call out to her.

"Tris!" I yell.

I see her exchange a nervous look with Will and I wonder what she is thinking right now.

She and Will stop and look at me when I call her name. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see that Christina and Al have also stopped and are looking at me curiously as I approach her. I don't even acknowledge that they are standing there; I am only focused on her. Talking to her and being close to her.

When I'm close enough to really see her, I can see that she does look different than she does during training. Her eyes seem to be a brighter blue. She wears make-up to define her big beautiful blue eyes. It gives her an edge that she doesn't usually have. Her clothes are also tighter and a bit more revealing. She looks gorgeous!

"You look different," I say. My words are a bit slower and thicker than normal.

"So do you," she says. She looks at me like she is studying the differences between this Four and the instructor. It seems like she's trying to hide a smile. "What are you doing?"

I want to say _Flirting with you,_ but I decide quickly that might not be a good idea.

"Flirting with death," I say with a laugh, realizing that a declaration of my feelings at this point would be a really bad idea. "Drinking near the chasm." I continue, "Probably not a good idea."

"No, it isn't."

I can't help but stare at her, everything about her, the clothes, hair, face, and her body is mesmerizing. She intrigues me. And then when I think I have memorized every inch of her, I see the tattoo.

"Didn't know you had a tattoo," I say looking at the birds that are in flight on her collarbone. I take a drink from my bottle. "Right, the crows." I am only slightly aware that her friends are staring at us now. I take a quick glance over my shoulder. My friends still look like they are having a blast behind me.

"I'd ask you to hang with us, but you're not supposed to see me this way," I say. I have lost my filter. My normal inhibitions are gone, lost in the bottom of one of the many bottles that I have consumed tonight. I'm just saying the first thing that comes to mind, no matter how it sounds. I want to get to know this girl and if I keep playing around, I'm going to lose my opportunity. One of these other guys are finally going to get up the nerve to make a move, then I could lose my chances with her forever. That is just not an option. I'm so damn sick of being rigid. I want to be the carefree eighteen year old that I should be.

She seems to contemplate what I just said. "What way? Drunk?" she asks. I hope she doesn't think that the only reason that I'm talking to her right now is because I'm drunk. That is the reason I finally got the nerve to talk to her without the instructor-initiate categories that constantly separate us and keep us apart.

"Yeah…well no," I say. I quickly add in a softer tone, "Real, I guess."

The leaders don't want the initiates to know Lauren and me as real people, at least not until after initiation. I think it is a stupid rule, especially since most of Lauren's initiates already know her as a real person, since they've lived here their whole lives.

"I'll pretend I didn't," she says reassuringly.

"Nice of you."

Everything about her ignites a fire within me. Her attitude and confidence make her… sexy. I want nothing more right now than to be close to her. It sends a chill down my spine that gives me and extra boost of confidence. I lean so close to her that if she turned, I'd be able to touch her lips.

"You look good, Tris," I say near her ear.

My heart is pounding out of my chest. I don't understand what it is about this girl that makes me drop all of my guard. She is certainly special, and I am definitely attracted to every aspect of her being. Her strength, brilliance, kindness, selflessness, everything about her makes me want to risk everything to be with her.

I stare into her beautiful blue/grey eyes and wait to see if she is going to respond. She pauses for a moment, looks at the bottle in my hands, then to my face. She scans my eyes and smiles.

"Do me a favor and stay away from the chasm, okay?" she says with a laugh.

Her laugh is genuine and contagious. "Of course," I say with a wink.

She smiles.

Will clears his throat. I gather myself. Although I want to stay here with her, I know it is time to part ways. I turn and walk away, feeling the smile that I can't hide take over my face. And when I feel her gaze is on me as I walk away, it leaves me hopeful that maybe there could be something more.

After I walk a few steps, Tris shrieks. I turn to see that she is strung over Al's shoulder. A ting of jealousy flows through my body when I see her being carried in his arms. I know he has feelings for her. You can see it in the way he looks at her. At least with Uriah, I know there is nothing more than friendship there. He's in love with Marlene, he has been for two years now. Our eyes meet and she waves at me as he carries her toward the dining hall. I smile back but all I can think is how much I would love to pummel Al and take her into my arms.

I shake myself out of my stupor and turn to go back to my friends.

Shauna steps towards me, "Well?" she asks.

"I talked to her, it's something I guess. Although she probably thought I was drunk and that I didn't know what I was saying."

Shauna smiled, "Well, at least we know one thing."

"What's that?"

"That girl has it bad for you."

"How do you know? You weren't even there."

"Trust me, that girl is completely infatuated with you. She couldn't stop smiling the entire time you were talking to her and she couldn't keep her eyes off of you."

I smile at this. Maybe having a relationship with Tris is a real possibility after all.

I decide that it is time for me to head back to my apartment. Tomorrow is another simulation day, I need to get some sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

I own nothing!

Chapter 14

I bring her into the simulation room and nothing is said between us. She doesn't acknowledge my drunken confession from last night. She just smiles at me as I place my hand on her back and guide her toward the chair.

She has already started breathing heavily and I know that the last simulation affected her more than she would like.

I inject the serum into her neck and look into her eyes that are full of terror. I hate that I have to do this to her, but I have no choice.

"It's just a simulation, Tris," I say to her.

She just nods at me, and closes her eyes. The simulation takes her.

I go over to the computer and quickly attach the wires to myself so that I can observe.

When I enter her simulation, I can see that she is trapped in a glass box. She has a fear of confinement?

Through her glass case she sees the familiar faces of the other initiates, and me. I'm in her fear? This can't be good! She pounds and kicks at the walls around her with no effect. Suddenly the simulation me taps on the glass and points to her feet smirking. The case is filling with water. I really hate that I am a part of her fear.

"Hey!" she screams as she pounds on the glass. "Let me out of here!"

The water in the case rises fast and will overtake her. She looks around at the people present outside of the case and they are all smirking and laughing at her. She starts to bang and kick the glass harder as the water quickly reaches her thighs.

As she tries desperately to escape, I realize that this fear is more about not being in control than it is about the confinement. She has no control over what is happening and that seems to scare her more than drowning. She bangs frantically on the glass, trying to break it. But that is impossible in a simulation.

"Help!" she screams. "Please! Please help!"

The water is ready to overtake her and suddenly she stops fighting. Her eyes move frantically but she tries to relax her body as she is completely submerged in the water.

Through the glass I can hear her scream allowing the water to fill her mouth.

She hits the wall with the palm of her hand and I hear a crack. It can't be… that is impossible. I look toward her and see that the glass cracks where her palm made contact with it. She hits the glass again and there is another crack. She kicks hard and the case shatters spilling her out on the floor.

I look at her as she gasps for breath in the silver chair. I can't contain my surprise at how easily she manipulated that hallucination. I can't even manipulate it that easily.

She's Divergent.

She takes in another wheezing breath and sits up in the chair. Her hands shaking uncontrollably, she looks up at me.

My mouth must be hanging open in surprise.

"What?" she asks.

"How did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Crack the glass."

"I don't know." I give her my hand and she stands up. She has already completely calmed herself down. I grab her arm with a sigh, and pull her down the hallway toward the dorms. I stop and turn to look at her.

"What?" she asks nervously.

"You're Divergent," I say.

Her eyes grow wide; there is a look of shock and terror at my declaration. She quickly composes herself and leans against the wall.

"What's Divergent?" she asks trying to sound innocent.

"Don't play stupid," I say. "I suspected it last time, but this time it's obvious. You manipulated the simulation; you're Divergent. I'll delete the footage, but unless you want to wind up _dead_ at the bottom of the chasm, you'll learn how to hide it during the simulations! Now, if you'll excuse me."

I turn away and walk back to the simulation room. I have got to quickly change the results so it doesn't show that she manipulated anything. I need to protect her or she will not make it out of initiation safely. She needs to figure out how to hide her Divergence, and the only thing I can do to help is to delete the footage. I'll tell them that she became ill after injecting her with the serum. That is what Amar told them the first time I manipulated the simulation. It seemed to work.

I hack into the records from the aptitude tests and see that her results were manually entered as Abnegation by Tori. So Tori is the one that protected her the first time.

Since Tris was the last initiate today, I quickly run to the tattoo parlor to see Tori. She sits in the back of the room alone. I quickly go up to her to talk.

"Hey Four, ready for a new tattoo? I'm dying to get my needle on your unmarked chest!" she says smiling. Her demeanor quickly changes when she sees the look on my face. "What is it?"

"_You_ gave Tris her aptitude test," I say frankly.

"You can't possibly know that Four, what are you talking about?

"Yes I do know that. I need to know what her real results were. If I don't find a way to help her, she is in trouble!"

"Erudite, Dauntless, and Abnegation," she tells me.

"All three, are you sure? That is completely unheard of!"

"I'm positive Four, I even tried to change the simulation to rule them out so that I could hide her obvious Divergence. I ended up having to delete the whole thing and log it manually. I told them the serum made her sick."

Suddenly the bell at the front of the parlor rings, it is Tris. Probably looking for answers from Tori also.

I turn quickly to Tori, "Please help her to understand this and what she needs to do to protect herself. She needs answers, and I can't give them to her. It has to be you."

I stand before she has a chance to say anything and duck out of sight so Tris doesn't see me. As I duck away, Tori looks my way and says, "You must really care for her!"

On my way back to the simulation room, I see Eric. He follows me into the room and closes the door behind him. What the hell does he want from me now?! I don't feel like dealing with this right now. I just want to clean up and go eat.

"Hey Four, how are simulations going?" he asks. "Nothing unusual happening with anyone is there?"

"Unusual? No, there is nothing unusual about a group of terrified initiates." I growl at him.

"Well, if you find that any of them are getting through the simulations too easily or are even changing it, you just let me know," he says this with such malice in his voice that it almost makes me tremble.

"Whatever Eric, no one can manipulate the simulation. The serum is designed so that it can't be changed." I say, "Now if you'll excuse me."

Eric scoffs at my apparent ignorance and turns to leave.

I clean up the room and finish logging the outcome of the tests into the computer. Today I have discovered that I have at least two initiates that I have to protect, Uriah and Tris. I was easily able to hide Uriah's results and when I walked back to the dorm with him, he seemed almost relieved that I found out. I told him about figuring out how to hide it to protect himself, much the same way I did with Tris. He nodded knowingly. Being from Dauntless, he has heard the stories about the mysterious deaths, the last one being my mentor Amar. His brother Zeke was also very close to Amar, so when he was found dead, it was a real shock and Zeke didn't handle it well. Uriah witnessed all of that. He also heard the rumors about Amar being Divergent. So he has a good understanding about how desperate his situation really is. All I can hope now is that Tori can break through to Tris and make her understand too.


	15. Chapter 15

I own nothing!

Chapter 15

I walk the familiar paths leading out of the chasm. I had been sitting there for about an hour or so just trying to sort out my thoughts and to make a plan to help Tris and Uriah.

As I climb over the railing, I turn to see a small figure walking the path toward the doors that lead the member's entrance and the net that the initiates fell into on choosing day.

I follow behind her quietly, staying in the shadows. I'm just curious to see what she is doing down here. It isn't wise for her to walk around in these secluded places alone, especially with people like Eric and Peter around.

She heads over to the net and lifts herself into it and just lays there looking up into the night sky. Sometimes it amazes me how much we are alike, seeking secluded places to get away from the chaos and noise of the compound.

I turn and leave, I don't want to disturb her and I'm not going to lurk in the shadows. I'll just hang out by the chasm for a while until she goes back to her dorm.

XXX

Today her simulation was the same as yesterday. She was forced to shoot her family.

She sits up in the chair and looks over to me.

"I know the simulation isn't real," she says.

"You don't have to explain it to me," I say. "You love your family. You don't want to shoot them. Not the most unreasonable thing in the world."

"In the simulation is the only time I get to see them," she says. She folds her hands together, and then releases them. "I miss them. You ever just…miss your family?" She blinks away tears before they come.

I look down at the floor. My father is my only family and I have no desire to ever see him again. "No," I say quietly. "I don't. But that's unusual." I don't explanation and she doesn't ask. It seems that she has finally realized that I won't answer personal questions.

She walks towards the door, and pauses with her hand on the knob. She turns around and looks back at me. Our eyes hold each other and I feel like I can hear her questions. I soften my gaze and feel a surge of warmth in my gut and my heart begins to pound. She doesn't break the gaze and I feel like she is looking straight into my soul and I can see straight through hers. I feel like I want to let her into my strange little world. I want her to know me, not Four the instructor, or Four the prodigy, but Tobias. I want her to know the real me and everything that makes me who I am.

She breaks our gaze and without a word quickly leaves the room.

XXX

I meet up with Zeke and Shauna in the cafeteria for dinner. We talk about what we are going to do tomorrow night.

"I think we should hand around the chasm and drink," Zeke says.

"That is all you ever want to do!" Shauna scoffs.

"I do like the idea of hanging by the chasm," I say, "but I don't think I'll be drinking."

Shauna shoots me a knowing look and smiles. After my last episode of drinking at the chasm, I have no desire to do that again for a while.

"I heard that the Stiff is in first place in the rankings for the transfers, is it true?" Zeke asks.

"Yes," I reply without emotion. I am very proud of her. She has done well figuring out how to hide the Divergence. She doesn't manipulate the simulations; she just works at calming herself enough to get through it.

Shauna looks at me playfully. "Well Four, tell us about it. Oh…wait! Maybe, I should say tell us about _her_!"

Zeke snickers and I glare at Shauna, heat rising in my face.

"Look at this Zeke, Four, is blushing at the thought of a girl. Can you believe it, our little Four has real emotions and he _likes_ someone!"

"Don't worry about it, Four, we won't let anyone know you have emotions!" Shauna laughs. She elbows me in the ribs playfully, and I can't help but laugh. I actually don't mind that they know.

We leave the cafeteria and take a walk through the Pit. We turn down the hall toward the training rooms when I hear a noise come from the gun range. We walk toward the door and hear a couple shots coming from inside.

Shauna pushes the door open to reveal, Uriah, Lynn, Marlene, and Tris. Marlene is eating a muffin and Uriah is shooting plastic pellets at a target one hundred feet away, Lynn and Tris are just talking when they hear the door open, they all turn to see us enter the room.

"I thought I heard something in here," I say.

"Turns out it's my idiot brother," says Zeke. "You're not supposed to be in here after hours. Careful or Four will tell Eric, and then you'll be as good as scalped."

The four of them turn and head out of the room with Zeke and Shauna.

"You wouldn't tell Eric," Lynn says as she passes me. She glares at me but I can tell that she doesn't want to have to deal with Eric. She continues out the door.

"No, I wouldn't," I say.

Tris is the last out, and as she passes I rest my hand on top of her back. Her back tenses then immediately relaxes at my touch and I see shiver shoot through her body.

The others walk ahead and I decide that I'm going to stop her for a moment.

"Wait a second," I say to her. I'm worried about her but manage a feeble smile.

"You belong here, you know that?" the words come out but they aren't expressing what I really want to say. "You belong with us. It'll be over soon, so just hold on, okay?" I scratch behind my ear, and pull my gaze away from hers. I want her to know how badly I want her to make it through and be okay. I want her to know how I feel and how badly I want her to know everything there is about me.

I can feel her eyes stare at me intently. She seems to be playing out some scenario in her head. Suddenly she reaches towards me, and grabs my hand. I lace my fingers into hers. I look at our joined hands, and then I look at her. She appears to be holding her breath. She looks up into my eyes and we stare at each other for a long moment. My heart races so hard that I'm sure it will escape my chest. She pulls away and runs to catch up with her friends.

I watch as she runs out of sight and smile. She has finally let me know that I'm not the only one feeling this attraction. That any ill feelings I felt toward Will, Al, or Uriah were for nothing. She let me know that if I want her, she is mine.

I turn down the hall and head off to the control room.

XXX

I leave the control room later than I had intended. There is no one on the Pit floor and only a couple people lingering in the halls. I walk slowly back to my apartment tired but alive with the possibilities of actually having a relationship with Tris. Behind me I hear the roar of the chasm.

Suddenly I hear a scream coming from the chasm. I turn to see three large figures and one small figure struggling by the railing. I run toward the struggle and see that Peter, Drew, and Al have Tris by the railing. Al sees me and runs in the opposite direction. Peter has her dangling by her neck over the railing. When he sees Al take off he looks in my direction and sees me coming right at him. He releases Tris. She's okay, she has a hold of the railing. I get to Drew and my fury takes over. They tried to hurt her. I begin to punch and kick him into unconsciousness, then I realize that she is calling me.

"Four," she croaks.

I rush over to her and gently lift her over the railing. I place my hands behind her back and her knees and gather her into my arms. She presses her face into my shoulder and passes out.

I carry her back to my apartment and gently lay her on my bed. I know she probably needs the infirmary, but I know that she wouldn't want to go there.

I crouch next to my bed and touch her face. I move the hair behind her ear and try to gently clean the blood that has collected on her face. I make sure she is comfortable and adjust her shirt so her bare stomach isn't exposed. I notice that one of them kicked her in the side. She may have a broken rib or two.

Once I have her situated and have made her comfortable, I go back to the chasm where I left Drew. I take him to the infirmary and drop him in the middle of the floor for them to find him.


	16. Chapter 16

I own nothing!

Chapter 16

I return to my room where she is still passed out. She looks battered and bruised but seems to be resting peacefully. I turn to the bathroom where I begin to wash the blood from my split knuckles. I look in the mirror, I have a small cut on my lip but I have no idea how. Drew must have gotten in one shot to my mouth before I beat him into oblivion.

I finish washing the blood from my hands and inspect the damage; I dry them, and move to the refrigerator for an ice pack. When I turn around I realize that she is awake and watching me. I walk toward her, ice pack in my hand.

"Your hands," she croaks.

"My hands are none of your concern," I say kneeling on the bed next to her. I lean over and slip the ice pack under her head. Before I move away, her hand moves toward my face. It hovers there for a moment, and then she touches her fingers gently to my mouth.

"Tris," I say without pulling away from her touch, "I'm all right."

"Why were you there?" she asks.

"I was coming back from the control room. I heard a scream."

"What did you do to them?"

"I deposited Drew in the infirmary a half hour ago. Peter and Al ran. Drew claimed they were just trying to scare you. At least, I think that's what he was trying to say."

"He's in bad shape?" she asks.

"He'll live," I say. "In what condition, I can't say."

She seems to think about this for a moment and she takes my arm and squeezes.

"Good," she says.

I crouch down on the bed next to her. I pull my arm free of her grasp and place my hand next to her face and skim her cheekbone with my thumb, careful not to hurt her.

"I could report this," I say.

"No, I don't want them to think I'm scared."

I nod at her rubbing her cheekbone. "I figured you would say that."

"You think it would be a bad idea if I sat up?" she asks.

"I'll help you."

I grip her shoulder with one hand and support her head with the other. She winces slightly from the pain but doesn't let it consume her. I hand her the ice pack.

"You can let yourself be in pain. It's just me here." I tell her.

Tears stream down her face.

"I suggest you rely on your transfer friends to protect you from now on."

"I thought I was," she says. "But, Al…"

"He wanted you to be the small, quiet girl from Abnegation. He hurt you because your strength made him feel weak. No other reason."

She nods.

"The others won't be as jealous if you show some vulnerability. Even if it isn't real."

"You think I have to _pretend_ to be vulnerable?" she asks.

"Yes, I do." I say.

I take the ice pack from her and hold it to her head gently. I look at her and realize she doesn't understand how strong she is, she underestimates herself constantly.

I stand with the ice pack in my hand.

"You are going to want to march into breakfast tomorrow and show your attackers they had no effect on you." I continue, "but you should let that bruise on your cheek show, and keep your head down."

I know she isn't going to like this, but she needs to understand how important her safety is.

"I don't' think I can do that," she says without looking at me.

"You have to."

"I don't think you _get_ it," she says becoming angry. "They touched me."

I freeze. Touched her? They raped her? I clench the ice pack in my hands. Rage builds in me and I want to go to the dorms and kill them all.

"Touched you," I repeat, my eyes cold. I am not sure I am going to be able to control my fury.

"Not… in the way you're thinking," she clears her throat. She realizes that my thoughts went immediately to the worst possible scenario. "But… almost."

That does not make me feel better. So they didn't rape her. They still had their hands all over her body, touching her. I am still furious, but I realize that her safety is my first priority. I stand there silent and still for a long time.

"What is it?" she asks me.

"I don't want to say this, but I feel like I have to. It is more important for you to be safe than right, for the time being. Understand?"

I stare at her with my eyebrows furrowed, holding her gaze until she nods.

"But please, when you see and opportunity…" I say placing my hand on her face and lifting her chin to look at me. Her eyes that are full of hurt and pain also radiate strength and power. I feel the rage return to me, my eyes glint with the fury I feel. "Ruin them."

"You're a little scary, Four," she says nervously.

"Do me a favor," I say, "and don't call me that."

Somehow her calling me Four just doesn't feel right anymore. I want her to know me, now more than ever. But now isn't the right time.

"What should I call you then?" she asks intrigued.

"Nothing," I say as I take my hand from her face. "Yet."

XXX

We spend the rest of the time just sitting together and talking about nothing special. She suddenly attempts to get up. When I ask her where she thinks she is going, she says she is going to go back to the dorms for bed.

I convince her that returning to the dorm to sleep in the same room as her attackers would be senseless. I retrieve a blanket and pillow from the closet and lay them on the floor next to the bed. I lie on my stomach, get comfortable, and close my eyes. I hear her roll toward the edge of the bed where she can see me. I feel her gaze on my back. After a few minutes I can hear the rhythmic breathing of a sleeping girl. I turn my head in her direction and watch her sleep until I eventually fall asleep, happy that she is here with me.


	17. Chapter 17

I own nothing!

Chapter 17

I have a relaxing, dreamless night with Tris in my room. I wake to see her still sound asleep. She looks comfortable and as beautiful as ever curled up in my blankets with her arms wrapped around my pillow with her face buried in it.

I quietly get up and move to the bathroom where I get a shower.

As I stand there, the shower beating on my back I think about how exactly I'm going to let her know who I am and how much I want to share with her. Suddenly I realize, I want her to know everything about me. I want her to know the good and the bad, including who my father is and why I left Abnegation. But how? I don't know what I'm going to do, or how I'm going to do it. But I am going to let her into my world.

I finish my shower, dry off, and dress. I feel lighter than I have in a long time. Having made the decision to let her know me has lifted a weight from me that I didn't even realize I was carrying.

I open the bathroom door to see Tris standing on her toes looking in the mirror at her bruises.

"Hi," she says tightly.

I walk over to her and touch my fingertips to her cheek.

"Not bad," I say. "How's your head?"

"Fine," she says obviously lying.

She touches her fingers to the bump on the back of her head and winces from the pain.

My hand drops down to her side where she got kicked. Her body tenses at my touch.

"And your side?"

"Only hurts when I breathe."

I smile, "Not much you can do about that."

"Peter would probably throw a party if I stopped breathing," she says.

"Well," I say smiling. "I would only go if there was cake."

She laughs and winces from the pain. She covers my hand with hers on her side.

I slide my hand from her slowly. I graze my fingers along her side. I don't want to move, but I have to. I want nothing more than to stay in this room with her and never leave.

We make our way out of my room and down to the dining hall.

"I'll go in first," I say once we've reached the cafeteria. "See you soon, Tris."

I turn and walk into the room to my usual table with Zeke, Shauna, and Lauren.

Shauna looks at the cut on my mouth and my bruised and battered knuckles and asks, "What happened to you?"

Suddenly her gaze shifts to Tris who has just entered the room. She does exactly what I told her to do. Her head is down and she hugs the wall. She walks to her friends' table without looking up.

Uriah wave to her then quickly puts his hand down when he sees her face. Will and Christina look shocked. Uriah moves over to sit next to her. He looks up at Peter and looks visibly upset.

"What happened to her?" Lauren asks.

"Does that have something to do with your knuckles?" Shauna asks.

"Peter, Drew, and Al attacked her last night. They drug her to the chasm and tried to…" My voice trails off. I think they get the point. "I was leaving the control room when I heard her scream. Peter had her by the neck, hanging her over the railing."

"Is she alright?" Zeke asks. "What did you do to them?"

Drew stumbles into the room. He is beyond bruised, is face is swollen, purple, and cut. He keeps his eyes down and walks over to his table with Peter.

"Did you do that?" Lauren looks at me with shock on her face.

I don't respond I just wear a satisfied expression on my face. I look across at Tris and she looks shocked. She meets my eyes briefly and looks like she approves.

"Of course he did that," Zeke says. "There aren't many other people in Dauntless that could cause that much damage to someone without damaging themselves in the process."

"Four, what if he goes to one of the leaders?" Lauren asks me.

"Do you honestly think he would do that?" asks Shauna. "I mean look at what three large guys did to that one girl. And the fact that they were ready to do more than just beat on her? He would have to admit to what happened to explain why Four went after him."

I sit there and I don't respond to their conversation. I don't care if Drew goes to one of the leaders. And if I ever have the chance, Peter will regret ever putting his hands on her.

XXX

I finish eating and stand between the initiates tables.

"Transfers. We're doing something different today," I say. "Follow me."

I lead them out of the dining hall and along the paths that surround the Pit. Tris walks in the middle of the pack with Will on one side and Christina on the other. Peter, Molly, and Drew lag far behind. As we ascend higher, I turn and begin walking backward. I know these paths so well that I have no fear.

I see Drew at the far end of the pack and call back, "Pick up the pace, Drew!" I know it is cruel, but I don't care. Right now I don't care about much, except her.

I glance in her direction smiling and see her arm in arm with Will. Fierce jealousy courses through me. My expression changes from a smile to a scowl instantly. I look from her to him and realize that it isn't a sign of affection, he is afraid of heights and she is helping him through it. In spite of her injuries and the terror that she recently went through, she still helps her friend. Her Abnegation is showing through again.

We reach the glass ceiling and I lead them up a staircase that move through a hole in the ceiling. We walk across the glass through a set of doors into a dark cement room with exposed pipes and fluorescent lights.

"This," I say, "is a different kind of simulation known as the fear landscape. It has been disabled for our purposes, so this isn't what it will be like the next time you see it."

I continue, "Through your simulations, we have stored data about your worst fears. The fear landscape accesses that and presents you with a series of virtual obstacles. Some of the obstacles will be fears you previously faced in your simulations. Some may be new fears. The difference is that you are aware, in the fear landscape, that it is a simulation, so you will have all your wits about you as you go through it."

I look around and see that they are all intently listening to me.

"The number of fears you have in your fear landscape varies according to how many you have."

"I told you before that the third stage of initiation focuses on mental preparation." I say. "that is because it requires you to control both your emotions and your body- to combine the physical abilities you learned in stage one with the emotional mastery you learned in stage two. To keep a level head."

I my eyes skirt around the room quickly, landing on Tris' eyes. She needs to understand what this means.

"Next week you will go through your fear landscape as quickly as possible in front of a panel of Dauntless leaders. That will be your final test, which determines your ranking for stage three. Just as stage two of initiation is weighed more heavily than stage one, stage three is weighted heaviest of all. Understood?"

They all nod. I continue, because they also need to know how to get out.

"You can find a way to calm down enough that the simulation registers a normal, steady heartbeat, or you find a way to face your fear, which can force the simulation to move on. One way to face a fear of drowning is to swim deeper, for example." I shrug. "So I suggest that you take the next week to consider your fears and develop strategies to face them."

"That doesn't sound fair," Peter complains. "What if one person only has seven fears and someone else has twenty? That's not their fault."

I glare at him with the vicious loathing that I feel in my gut and laugh. "Do you really want to talk to me about what's fair?"

I walk toward him, and the initiates move out of my way. I look down at him with my arms folded and say in a deep venomous voice, "I understand why you're worried, Peter. The events of last night certainly proved that you are a miserable coward."

Peter stares back at me with a blank expression.

"So now we all know," I say in almost a ferocious whisper, but so everyone else could hear, "that you are afraid of a short, skinny girl from Abnegation." A smile spreads across my face and I see that Tris smiles too.

XXX

I release them to go and do whatever they want for the rest of the day.

I go to see Tori in the tattoo parlor. I think it might be time for another since my back is completely healed. I'm going to have her put something on my shoulder and the top of my bicep on my right arm.

"Hey Four, how's it going today?" Tori asks.

"Pretty well. I think I'm ready for something new." I remove my shirt, Tori is the only woman who has ever seen me without my shirt on, but it is purely for art. "I'm thinking of something that starts at the base of my neck and extends over my right shoulder to the top of my bicep. I also want it to blend in to the rest of my back."

We sit and brainstorm for a while and come up with something that I love. And she gets started with the outline.

"So how is Tris doing? I hear she is ranked first. Did I do a good enough job talking to her?"

"Whatever you said to her was perfect. She did do well, but not so well that it raised any flags." I say.

"Good. So tell me, what is going on with the two of you? Don't think I don't realize that parts of this new tattoo are reminiscent of her," Tory smiles.

"There is nothing going on… yet." I say. "That doesn't mean that I'm not hoping for something, someday."

I've always found it easy to talk to Tori. She is in her mid 30's and has been very mom-like with me since I arrived from Abnegation two years ago. She smiles at me in that maternal way and continues with the tattoo needle.

We talk more about Tris, what happened by the chasm and what I did to Drew. We also talk about the initiation and the fear landscapes. And as I sit and watch as my blank skin turns into a piece of artwork that reminds me of her, I realize how I want to introduce her to the real me.

"Tori, what do you think about me taking Tris into my fear landscape?" Tori is the only person other than the leaders who knows who my father is and what he did to me. "I've decided that I want to tell her who I am, I think it might be better to show her than just tell her."

"That is kind of a big deal, Four. You would be letting her into your deepest, darkest fears. It isn't just about your father, I'm sure the other three fears say things about you that are just as deep. But if you feel that strongly about her, and you have faith that she can handle it, I say go for it."

She puts the finishing touches on my new tattoo, covers it so it heals, and I leave. I feel confident about what I plan to do. I just have to find the right time to do it.

I go back to my room. It is lonely without her here, but I can smell her on my pillow as I drift off to sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

I own nothing!

Chapter 18

I wake in the morning to Lauren shaking me.

"What are you doing in here?" I ask her. "What time is it?"

"Come on, we have to get down to the chasm, someone took a dive last night. Looks like one of the initiates."

"Who?" My heart sinks. For a moment I'm terrified that Peter finished what he started.

"I'm not sure, definitely one of the boys from the transfers though. I already went in and checked on the Dauntless-borns to make sure they were all there."

I throw on a clean shirt and shoes and Lauren and I run down to the chasm just in time to see them pull Al over the railing. He is battered and bruised from being knocked around on the rocks by the water, but it is definitely him.

"What happened to him? He seemed like such a nice strong boy when he got here. Then he is part of the attack on the Stiff and now this?" sobs Lauren.

"He was weak, that is all. He couldn't handle any of it." I say. "He didn't fight because he couldn't handle knocking someone out. He attacked Tris because he couldn't handle the strength that she was showing in spite of her fears. And he killed himself because he couldn't live with what he did to her."

I see Tris with Christina, over by the chasm. Christina is sobbing and has a grip on Tris' arm as they watch the scene in front of them. Tris sinks to the ground, dragging Christina with her. She looks like she is ready to break into a million pieces. Just as I am ready to go and see her, she breaks away from Christina's embrace and runs. I watch her run barefoot across the Pit toward the tattoo parlor. She is going to see Tori, There isn't a better place for her to go right now.

XXX

Later on all of Dauntless fills the Pit for Al's funeral. I go down and stand near the chasm and watch as the initiates fill in around it. Tris walks out of the tattoo parlor with Tori and finds her friends standing together. Christina is crying on Will's shoulder and he holds her close and comforts her. Uriah is holding a silver flask, he offers it to Tris but she shakes her head. I am close enough to hear the beginning of an altercation. Molly chooses this moment to antagonize Tris. I hear her say something about Tris' father and Tris turns and her fist connects with Molly's jaw. Molly tries to lunge at Tris but Will stop her and yells at them to stop.

Eric begins by talking about bravery, or what he thinks is bravery. He talks about Al as being brave enough to take that step into the unknown. It is the same speech every time someone takes a dive into the chasm and it angers me every time I hear it.

Suddenly I see Tris leave the group and run away down one of the halls. I decide to follow to see if she is okay. I find her at the end of one of the hallways near a drinking fountain under a blue light. I know there is a camera in this blue light, so I have to do my best to stop her from saying anything she shouldn't say and get her to move away from it with me.

"Tris," I say.

She jolts her head up and turns to look at me.

"What are you doing here?" she asks. "Shouldn't you be paying your respects?"

"Should you?" I ask stepping closer to her.

"Can't pay respect when you don't have any," she says in a hollow tone. She shakes her head. "I didn't mean that."

"Ah." That's my only reply. I understand what she is feeling. In Abnegation, Al's actions wouldn't be considered brave, they would be considered selfish.

"This is ridiculous," she says frustrated with everything. "He throws himself off a ledge and Eric's calling it brave? Eric, who tried to have you throw knives at Al's head?" She closes her mouth and breathes. "He wasn't brave! He was depressed and a coward and he almost killed me! Is that the kind of thing we respect here?"

"What do you want them to do?" I ask keeping my voice calm and even. "Condemn him? Al's already dead. He can't hear it and it's too late."

"It's not _about_ Al," she says angrily. "It's about everyone watching! Everyone who now sees hurling themselves into the chasm as a viable option. I mean, why not do it if everyone calls you a hero afterward? Why not do it if everyone will remember your name? It's…I can't…"

"This would _never_ have happened in Abnegation!" She shouts, and shakes a bit. "None of it! Never. This place warped him and ruined him, and I don't care if saying that makes me a Stiff, I don't care, I don't _care_!"

I think about the camera that is right above the water fountain; it is monitoring us now.

"Careful, Tris," I say, my eyes glancing up toward the camera.

"Is that all you can say?" she snaps. "That I should be _careful?_That's _it?"_

"You're as bad as the Candor, you know that?" I grab her arm around the elbow, and pull her down the hall away from the camera. I know I'm grasping her arm too tightly but I feel a sense of urgency here. She tries to pull away but I am much stronger than her.

I lean in close to her, I can feel her breath against my face, even as she struggles to break free, but right now, we are still in sight of the camera. "I'm not going to say this again, so listen carefully." I take hold of her shoulders and grip them tightly. "They are watching you. _You_ in particular."

"Let go of me," she says faintly.

I do as she says, and my body stiffens.

"Are they watching you, too?" she asks in the same, hushed voice.

They are, they always have, but I'm not going to tell her that. She is in enough danger without that bit of information. Why does she have to be so stubborn? She needs to listen to me. "I keep trying to help you," I say, "but you refuse to be helped."

"Oh, right. Your _help_," her voice is heated. "Stabbing my ear with a knife and taunting me and yelling at me more than you yell at anyone else, it sure if helpful."

Why doesn't she get it? "Taunting you? You mean when I threw the knives? I wasn't taunting you," I bark." I was reminding you that if you failed, someone else would have to take your place."

She looks at me. "Why?"

"Because you're from Abnegation," I say, "and it's when you're acting selflessly that you are at your bravest." She finally seems to get it.

"If I were you, I would do a better job of pretending that selfless impulse is going away," I say, "because if the wrong people discover it…well, it won't be good for you."

"Why? Why do they care about my intentions?" she asks.

"Intentions are the _only_ thing they care about. They try to make you think they care about what you do, but they don't. They don't want you to act a certain way. They want you to _think_ a certain way. So you're easy to understand. So you won't pose a threat to them." I place my hand out on the wall next to her head and lean in closer. I'm worried, it is only a matter of time before that look at her like she is a threat.

"I don't understand," she says, "why they care what I think, as long as I'm acting how they want me to."

"You're acting how they want you to now," I say, "but what happens when your Abnegation- wired brain tells you to do something else, something they don't want?"

She thinks about this for a moment before looking up at me. "I might not need you to help me. Ever think about that?" she asks. "I'm not weak, you know. I can do this one my own."

I shake my head. I know she's strong, but she still doesn't understand. "You think my first instinct is to protect you. Because you're small, or a girl, or a Stiff. But you're wrong."

I lean in close to her and curl my fingers around her chin. Her skin is soft against my rough hand. "My _first_instinct is to push you until you break, just to see how hard I have to press," I say tightening my hand a bit. She has no idea how fascinating it is to see her fight for what she wants. "But I resist it."

"Why…" she stops to swallow."Why is that your first instinct?"

"Fear doesn't shut you down; it wakes you up. I've seen it. It's fascinating." I move my hand across her jaw, gliding down her neck. My heart is pounding and my stomach is full of butterflies. "Sometimes I just… want to see it again. Want to see you awake."

She looks alive and her eyes shine with electricity. Her hands move to my waist and she pulls herself tight against me, she wraps her delicate arms around me, her fingers skimming my back. I feel a surge of electrical energy pulse through me at her touch.

I pull her in closer, my hand touching the small of her back and the other hand runs through her hair. The closer I bring her to me, I can feel her warmth spreading throughout my body.

I have longed for this kind of affection. I feel like I could do anything so long as I have her at my side to help me. She is everything that I have always wanted, smart, brave, talented, and different from any other girl I have ever met. Most of all she is uncontrollable. She won't conform to one standard, because she doesn't believe in just one standard, much like me.

"Should I be crying?" she asks, her warm breath seeping into my shirt. "Is there something wrong with me?"

"You think I know anything about tears?" I ask softly. She presses her forehead to my shoulder.

"If I had forgiven him," she says, "do you think he would be alive now?"

"I don't know," I say. Al was cracking during the first round; he completely broke in the second round. I should have seen it coming. I place my hand over her cheek and she turns her face into it. Her grip on my waist tightens and I can feel her need to make sure there is no space left between us.

"I feel like it's my fault."

I tilt her head up to look at me; I place my forehead against hers. "It isn't your fault," I say.

"But I should have. I should have forgiven him."

"Maybe. Maybe there's more we all could have done," I say, "but we just have to let the guilt remind us to do better next time."

She looks at me startled and then I realize why. I just repeated a lesson from one of the lectures that were given frequently in Abnegation, a lecture that her father gave.

"What faction did you come from, Four?" she asks.

"It doesn't matter," I say, not meeting her eyes. "This is where I am now. Something you would do well to remember for yourself."

I look at her sadly and feel a desperate aching in the pit of my stomach. I want to share everything about me with her. I want to pull her close to me again, hold her tightly, and kiss her.

I touch my lips to her forehead and she closes her eyes. Neither of us move for a long time, my lips to her head and her hands wrapped around my waist.


	19. Chapter 19

I own nothing!

Chapter 19

I finally decide that I'm going to bring her into my fear landscape tonight. I got two syringes with the simulation serum and the simulation is set to go into my landscape. Most of Dauntless has gone back to business as usual, but most of the initiates are still pretty shaken up over what happened with Al. It has been three days since the funeral and I have not had the chance to talk to Tris at all.

I finish my shift in the control room and am ready to walk to the dorms to look for her when I see her standing by the chasm with her friends. They are standing around the railing throwing papers into the chasm. Tris picks up the entire pile of papers and throws them into the chasm, watching them drift back and forth down in to the depths.

I begin to walk up the narrow path that leads to the glass ceiling and the fear landscape room. I make sure to walk slow enough that I catch her attention and hope that she follows me. Right now I'm counting on the fact that she wants to see me as much as I want to see her.

Out of the corner of my eye I can see that she noticed me. She motions to me as though she is telling her friends she sees me. They move down the hall toward the dorms and she proceeds to follow me up the path. Once I reach the other side of the glass room, I hear her stop at the top of the stairs.

"Since you're here," I say without turning around, "you might as well go in with me."

"Into your fear landscape?"

"Yes." I say. I have never allowed someone to see this much of me before.

"I can do that?" she asks as she walks toward me.  
"The serum connects you to the program," I say, "but the program determines whose landscape you go through and right now, it's set to put us through mine."

"You would let me see that?"

"Why else do you think I'm going in?" I speak very quietly and I don't meet her eyes. I'm scared of what her reaction will be, but I want her to know me, and this is the best way for her to really know and understand me. "There are some things I want to show you."

I hold up the syringe, she moves close to me and tilts her head to expose her neck. She doesn't flinch anymore, she's gotten used to it by now. I set the needle down, and hand her the box with the other syringe.

"I've never done this before," she says, picking up the syringe.

"Right here," I say, I stick my nail into the skin to leave a mark so she know where to place the needle. She stands on her tiptoes so that she can reach, her hands shake as she pushes the needle into my skin.

There's no going back now!

I take the needle from her and put them back in the box. I leave the box by the door. I take her hand and lace my fingers into hers and lead her into the dark room.

"See if you can figure out why they call me Four," I say. The door closes behind us and we are in complete darkness. She moves closer to me and I can feel her chin near my shoulder.

"What's your real name?"

"See if you can figure that out too."

We are in the simulation.

We are high above the ground on the metal scaffolding of an old building. The wind gusts all around us. Suddenly there is a burst of wind and Tris leans into me to steady herself. But I am ready to panic. Not only am I afraid that I'm going to fall; now I'm scared that she is going to fall. I take my hand from hers and wrap my arm around her shoulders. I am starting to hyperventilate and I can't think straight. She looks at me and realizes that I am terrified.

"We have to jump off, right?" she shouts over her shoulder.

I nod. I can't seem to do much more than that now. The fear is taking me over.

"On three, okay?"

She wants me to jump? Is she crazy? There has to be another way, doesn't there?! Then I remember that is the only way out.

I nod again.

"One… two… three!" She pulls me with her and all of a sudden we are airborne. We plummet to the ground and the scene disappears.

One down.

We are standing on solid ground. I gasp for air as I press my hands to my chest trying desperately to calm myself down.

"What's next?" she ask.

"It's…"

I don't have a chance to finish; the walls start to close in around us and we are trapped. The space is so narrow that I barely fit alone and the ceiling is forcing me to hunch over.

"Confinement," she says.

I try to respond, but I just end up making a noise. She is very close to me but I can't think of anything other than this space. My mind goes blank and my thoughts drift to faraway places from my childhood. I feel myself grimace.

"Hey," she says. "It's okay. Here"

She guides my hands around her body and she presses herself as close to me as she can. I put my face next to hers. My body is tense and I can't think.

"This is the first time I'm happy that I'm so small," she laughs.

I know she is trying to distract me, but this fear runs deep and I barely am able to think, let alone respond.

"Mmhmm," is all I'm able to get out. Maybe this wasn't the best idea. I usually don't panic quite this badly.

"We can't break out of here," she says. "It's easier to face the fear head on, right? So what you need to do is make the space smaller. Make it worse so it gets better. Right?"

I can barely handle this now, and she wants me to make the space smaller? But deep down I know she is right. I just can't think at all for some reason.

"Yes," I say anxiously.

"Okay. We'll have to crouch, then. Ready?"

She squeezes my waist and pulls me down with her. I hear the ceiling following us down. She turns her body so that her back is in my chest. She curls into a little ball under me giving me as much room as she possibly can. My breaths rattle out of me and I can't calm down. My heart races but somewhere in me I wonder if that has anything to do with our closeness. She is pressed so close to me that a small part of me forgets the fear and registers the feel of her body.

"Ah, this is worse. This is definitely…" I say.

"Shh," she says. "Arms around me."

She pulls my arms around her body again and I obediently follow her direction. She presses herself closer to me, closer than she has ever been. My head is next to her ear and I notice that she is smiling. Why is she smiling?

"The simulation measures your fear response," she reminds me. "So if you can calm your heartbeat down, it will more on to the next one. Remember? So try to forget that we're here."

Yeah, forget that we are trapped in this tiny box with now way out? Not likely! I do like feeling her body this close to mine though, but that feeling is overcome by the desperate fear.

"Yeah?" I say, "That easy, huh?"

"You know, most boys would enjoy being trapped in close quarters with a girl," she says.

"Not claustrophobic people, Tris!"

I am beginning to get more and more desperate to get out of here. I can't calm down at all for some reason and I'm beginning to think that it is partially due to how close she is and the feel of her body under mine.

"Okay, okay." She guides my hand to her chest so that I can feel her heart beat. "Feel my heart beat. Can you feel it?"

"Yes."

"Feel how steady it is?"

I smile a little, "its fast."

Why is your heart racing Tris? You aren't afraid of small spaces!

"Yes, well, that has nothing to do with the box," she says. I knew it. Her heart is racing because of me. Slowly I can feel the desperation subside a bit. But not enough. "Every time you feel me breathe, you breathe. Focus on that."

"Okay."

She breathes deeply and I follow her lead. It helps a little.

"Why don't you tell me where this fear comes from. Maybe talking about it will help us… somehow."

I really don't want to go there, but she is right, it might help to acknowledge the fear.

"Um… okay." I take a deep breath. "This one is from my fantastic childhood. Childhood punishments. The tiny closet upstairs."

This is the first time I have ever told anyone about this and I feel the desperation fade just a little more. Whatever she is doing here is helping me.

"My mother kept our winter coats in our closet."

I know she is just trying to distract me, she has no idea what to say about my declaration that I was abused. "I don't…" I breathe in quickly. "I don't' really want to talk about it anymore." I say that just as much for her as for myself.

"Okay. Then… I can talk. Ask me something."

Here is my chance. I laugh a little and say, "Okay. Why is your heart racing, Tris?"

"Well, I…" she stops and searches for the right words. This makes me smile even more. I seem to have the same affect on her that she has on me. "I barely know you. I barely know you and I'm crammed up against you in a box, Four, what do you think?"

"If we were in your fear landscape, would I be in it?" I ask her.

"I'm not afraid of you."

"Of course you're not. But that's not what I meant."

I laugh and the walls break apart. She did it; she helped me get through another fear. I stand in front of her grinning. I finally am sure that bringing her here was the right decision. Not only is she learning about me, but I am learning about her. Not what she fears, but how she feels. "Maybe you were cut out for Candor, because you are a terrible liar." I smile.

"I think my aptitude test ruled that one out pretty well," she says.

"The aptitude test tells you nothing." I tell her. There are so many things that I want to tell her, but now is not the time.

"What are you trying to tell me? Your test is the reason that you ended up in Dauntless?"

She looks at me searching my face and eyes for the answer. "Not exactly, no. I…"

The next fear is here. There is a woman with a gun pointing right at us. She doesn't move at all. She never moves. The table appears next to me with the gun and a single bullet. Every time I have to shoot her. I can't find any other way out of this one.

"You have to kill her," Tris says.

"Every single time"

"She isn't real."

"She looks real. It feels real." I say.

"If she was real, she would have killed you already."

"It's okay; I'll just… do it. This one's not… not so bad. Not as much panic involved."

No there isn't as much panic, but I don't want to be a murder, and this feels like murder. But it has to be done to move on. I take the gun from the table and load it. Point the gun at the woman. Breathe in aim, exhale fire. The woman hits the floor and I drop the gun. Tris grabs my hand and starts pulling me until I follow.

"C'mon," she says. "Let's keep moving."

Okay, here is where things get really bad. This is where she is going to learn pretty much everything there is to know about me.

"Here we go," I whisper to her.

He stands in the shadows, just out of the light and begins to creep forward. He comes into view and I cower. I don't mean to, but I can't seem to stand up to this man that beat my mother, and when she died, started to beat me. Locking me in closets and whipping me with his belt. I always had so many bruises on me that I rarely socialized outside with the other kids. That is the reason that she didn't know me back then. I always hid from the world. When I saw her mother I suddenly remembered that I knew her in another life time. I knew Beatrice, the little blond girl from Abnegation. The little girl who played in the street front of our houses, then the young woman that who would sit outside and observe the world. I met her a couple times when her parents invited us to dinner. She was so quiet and proper but her eyes were deep and questioning. She always intrigued me. She still does.

"Marcus," she whispers.

"Here is the part, when you figure out my name." I say, barely audible.

"Is he…" her voice trails off. She looks from him to me and slowly she begins to understand.

"Tobias."

Marcus moves toward me slowly and deliberately. Then suddenly there are eleven other Marcus' surrounding us. They uncoil the belt that is wrapped around their hands.

"This is for your own good," Marcus says and then it echoes around the room.

At this I am frozen, taken back to a time when I wasn't Four, wasn't Dauntless.

Marcus pulls his arm back ready to strike me with the belt. I shield my face. But the hit never comes. I look up and Tris has the belt wrapped around her arm and is pulling it away from him. She grabs it by the buckle and swings and hits him with it. He lunges at her with razor sharp claws. I push Tris aside and get between them. He is not going to hurt her! I'm not afraid, I'm furious.

Then he is gone. The simulation is over and we are back in the cement room.

"That's it?" she says. Those were your worst fears? Why do you only have four…" her voice trails off. Now she knows how I got my nickname. "Oh, that's why they call you…"

I'm standing there staring at her. I can't believe she did that. She got me through my landscape and she stood up to Marcus.

I walk over to her, take her by the arm and pull her to me. I kiss her cheek and wrap my arms around her shoulders tightly. I bury my face in her neck and breathe. She loops her arms around me.

"Hey, we got through it," she tells me.

I pull my hand up and run my finger through her hair.

"You got me through it." I say.

"Well," she says, "It's easy to be brave when they're not my fears."

I take her hand in mind and lace my finger into hers.

"Come on, I have something else to show you."


	20. Chapter 20

**DauntlessCrow requested that I do this part of Divergent as a One Shot from Four's POV, so here it is. I hope you enjoy.**

I own nothing but my thoughts.

We walk quietly toward the Pit, hand in hand as the events of the past half hour run through my head. This girl has seen my deepest, darkest fears and yet she is still here with me, holding my hand. She seems to me uncomfortable holding my hand. I know this is a new experience for her. That was always one thing I didn't like about Abnegation. They think that to be selfless you have to forgo physical contact with others that is selfish to want to feel someone's touch. But it is human nature to crave the feel of another person.

To try to calm her, I run my thumb back and forth across the palm of her hand. She seems to relax a little, but she tightens her grip and pulls herself closer against my shoulder. I get the feeling that she has me, and she is never going to let me go. That thought brings a smile to my face. I know that I'm already falling for her; I know that I could make a life with this girl if she'll have me. But I have to suppress these feelings right now. It is too soon and she is too young to think about things like that. But I can wait. I could wait forever for her.

We continue to walk silently toward the chasm, enjoying each other's company. The silence is natural, not uncomfortable at all. I thought I might be uncomfortable with her once she learned about all of my fears, about Marcus. But I'm not. I'm relieved that someone finally knows the truth about my horrible father. I know she's heard about the reports from the Erudite that accuse him of being abusive. I also know that the Abnegation don't believe a word of it. If she didn't believe before, she certainly will believe now.

She stood up to my fear, forcing me to stand up for her. I couldn't do it for myself, but I would stand up against anyone for her. I proved that to myself when I finally, for the first time really stood up to Marcus, even if it was just in a simulation. It gives me hope that someday I will be able to really stand up for myself and finally feel worthy of Dauntless.

"So," she says after a few minutes of silence. "Four fears."

"Four fears then, four fears now." I say nodding. "They haven't changed, so I keep going in there, but… I still haven't made any progress."

"You can't be fearless, remember? Because you still care about things. About your life."

"I know." I tell her.

I wonder if she has memorized everything I have ever told her. All through the simulation, she kept reminding me of everything that I ever told her to help her get out of the simulations. Hearing her remind me helped me to remember why I was there and what I needed to do to get through and move on. Maybe since she went with me, my fears will have changed slightly. I guess I'll see next time I go.

We walk along a narrow path that leads to the bottom of the chasm. I found this two years ago when I was an initiate. I would come down here to escape from the rest of the initiates. I was desperate to get away from the noise and chaos of the compound. I especially needed to get away from Eric. He was always so competitive with me and always challenging me when the training day was done. He couldn't handle coming in second to a 'stiff.' So I came here to get away from everything. Even now this is one of my favorite spots, next to the training room. I still love to come here to clear my head when I can't seem to make sense out of life in Dauntless anymore.

We continue winding our way down the path when she asks me the question that I know she has been desperate to ask.

"You were going to tell me about your aptitude test results."

"Ah," I say rubbing the back of my neck with my hand. "Does it matter?"

"Yes, I want to know."

"How demanding you are." I smile.

I know that eventually she needs to know that I'm also divergent. But she is in so much danger right now, I can't risk telling her that and having them use it against her to break her down somehow.

I continue to lead her to the end of the path at the bottom of the chasm, across angular paths that lead toward a set of large boulders. There is a flat rock that overlooks the underground river. I lead her over to it and sit down, pulling her down with me. She sits next to me and looks at me expectantly. I release her hand and look down at the water churning below us.

This river is a perfect metaphor for me and my life, calm and serene but also turbulent and dangerous. All of these things churn inside of me, just like they churn within the river. Beautiful and lethal, calm and dangerous all at the same time, and I know these things are within her too.

"These are things I don't tell people, you know. Not even my friends."

My friends are great. They are loyal and trustworthy, but I have not been brave enough to open up to them this much. I really don't know what it is about her that makes me want to open up and share things with her. I don't know why I trust her so much with the real me.

"My results were as expected, Abnegation." I tell her.

She looks down, kind of sad. I know she was hoping I would tell her that I am Divergent, but I just can't do that yet. I know she is desperate to know someone other than her is going through what she is. She just wants someone to share it with. I will be that person, but not yet.

"Oh," she says miserably. I can see the disbelief and sadness wash over her. "But you chose Dauntless anyway?"

"Out of necessity."

"Why did you have to leave?"

I look away from her. I want her to figure this out for herself so that she understands the decisions that I have made from my choosing day through to now. I see her rub her wrist where Marcus' belt wrapped around it in the simulation. I can see in it in her eyes that she understands.

"You had to get away from your dad," she says. "Is that why you don't want to be a Dauntless leader? Because if you were, you might have to see him again?"

I shrug, "That, and I have always felt that I don't quite belong among the Dauntless. Not the way they are now, anyway."

"But you're incredible," she says. She thinks I'm incredible? This is too good to be true. She clears her throat, "I mean by Dauntless standards. Four fears is unheard of. How could you not belong here?"

I know what other people think. I know how I am seen among the Dauntless. The prodigy, the guy with only four fears, the guy who has better aim and better fighting skills than most anyone else. The guy who can beat another man to a bloody pulp and walks away virtually unharmed. But what does that all mean? Nothing.

"I have a theory that selflessness and bravery aren't all that different," I say. "All your life you've been training to forget yourself, so when you are in danger, it becomes your first instinct. I could belong in Abnegation just as easily."

She looks down at the churning water and thinks about this for a moment. She doesn't look at me when she speaks. "Yeah, well I left Abnegation because I wasn't selfless enough, no matter how hard I tried to be."

"That is not entirely true. That girl who let someone throw knives at her to spare a friend, who hit my dad with a belt to protect me, that selfless girl, that's not you?"

Of course that is who she is. She just doesn't see those acts as selfless, but that is what they are. She has been trained so much to forget herself, she doesn't even realize that she is doing it. Even now, as she sits there she doubts herself, she doubts her worth and what her worth is to other people. She may even doubt that I could have feelings for her.

She looks at me, "You've been paying close attention, haven't you?"

"I like to observe people."

"Maybe you were cut out for Candor, Four, because you're a terrible liar."

I place my hand on the rock next to me, lining up my fingers with hers. Everything about her is small, but nothing about her is fragile. She is strong both physically and mentally. I love that about her. She is confident, beautiful, sweet, and dangerous all at the same time.

"Fine," I lean in to her and look at her features closely. She really is beautiful. "I watched you because I like you." I look into her eyes and try to read her thoughts. "And don't call me 'Four', okay? It's nice to hear my name again."

Finally, I've told her how I feel. It's nice to finally say it out loud. She averts her eyes, looking around at the chasm walls and the water. She can't seem to meet my eyes again. She is adorable, sweet, and completely flustered. I laugh to myself. She has no idea how to respond to my declaration.

"But you're older than I am…_Tobias_."

I smile, it amazes me how well I know this girl already. Even though I've confessed my feelings for her, she still doesn't think it could possibly be real.

"Yes, that whopping two-year gap really is _insurmountable,_isn't it?"

"I'm not trying to be self- depreciating," she says, "I just don't get it. I'm younger. I'm not pretty. I-"

I laugh this time. Not at her, but at the fact that she thinks she isn't pretty and that she isn't good enough for me. I lean in and place a gentle kiss on her temple.

"Don't pretend," she says. "You know I'm not. I'm not ugly, but I am certainly not pretty."

I am never going to win this argument with her, so I give in. She has spent her whole life not being able to look at herself and having to forget herself. No one has ever told her that she's pretty or desirable. Maybe not today, but some day she will realize that she is the most beautiful woman in the world as far as I'm concerned. "Fine. You're not pretty. So?" I lean in again and kiss her cheek. My heart starts to race. I have been dying for weeks to be this close to her, and now I finally am. "I like how you look. You're deadly smart. You're brave. And even though you found out about Marcus…" I look at her thoughtfully. "You aren't giving me that look. Like I'm a kicked puppy or something."

"Well," she says. "You're not."

I look into her crystal clear eyes. These eyes could see deep down into the depths of my soul. These eyes could know every inch of me, body and mind. They hold my gaze as I place my hand on her face and run my fingers through her hair. I pull her in close to me and kiss her gently the lips. I pull away and smile at her, she smiles back. My heart is racing as loud as the river in my ears. I run my fingers up her neck and along her jaw. I lean in and press my mouth to hers a little more this time.

I feel her body stiffen and I pull away just for a moment. I take her face in both of my hands and I look into her eyes. I kiss her again, this time with more passion and confidence. I love the feel of her soft skin in my hands and her lips on mine. I pull her closer to me and wrap my fingers through her hair with one hand and I graze her neck, jaw, and cheek with the other. She wraps her arms around me, her hand sliding up the back of my neck and into my hair.

My whole body is vibrating from this contact. She is finally here, in my arms. This is the happiest that I've ever been. We continue to kiss in the bottom of the chasm, our embrace becoming more enthusiastic and more ravenous. I never thought I'd ever feel this way, ever be close to someone like this. I never thought I would ever find love in Dauntless. I guess I was wrong.

We emerge a short time later hand in hand and go our separate ways. As I walk to my apartment, I think about all of the things that we didn't talk about. We didn't talk about what will happen next or what this all means. We should have talked about it. Tomorrow we will be amongst the initiates and Eric. I can't let them know that anything has changed. They can't know that I have feelings for her. They will never believe that her ranking is because of her brilliance and strength and not our budding relationship.

I should have told her all of this. I should have talked to her and explained. I can now only hope that she doesn't take anything that happens to heart. I will have to go back to being her instructor tomorrow. I hope she realizes that doesn't change the way that I feel about her.

I really wish we would have talked about this.


	21. Chapter 21

I own nothing!

Chapter 21

I wake the next morning feeling happier than I have ever been. Even though nothing can appear to have changed between me and Tris, I know I will see her again soon. I'm already thinking of a way that we can meet and steal some time alone somewhere, maybe the chasm again, or maybe my apartment.

I decide to go to get my hair cut before breakfast. I get it cut very short, Abnegation short.

I make my way to the cafeteria for breakfast. I walk in and go straight to my normal table without looking around. I know she is here, the same way as I know when she is looking at me, but I wait until I walk to the counter to get my food before I look over in her direction. She looks kind of sad, but perks up a bit when she sees me steal a glance in her direction. We really didn't talk about what would happen now, but I hope she understands that we cannot let anyone know about us yet. If we did people would think her ranking was because of me, and the leaders would punish me in some way for dating an initiate.

I come back to the table and begin eating my breakfast. I'm lost in thought when suddenly Shauna starts asking me questions.

"Okay, what is up with you this morning? Hair cut, pleasant mood, smile on your face..." She hesitates for a moment then says quietly but loud enough for Zeke and Lauren to hear her, "Oh my God, you kissed her, didn't you?"

Zeke looks up from his food and stares at me waiting for my response or to look and see what Shauna has seen. Lauren just smiles at me expectantly.

I just keep eating and don't answer. My non-response is answer enough.

"You did! What happened, when?" Lauren asks.

I am not a girl; I am not going to sit here and get all giddy and give away details. But I am going to have to give them something or they won't let up.

"Last night after work, I was headed back to my room and I saw her in the Pit. She was near the chasm with her friends and I walked by. We started to talk and her friends decided to go back to the dorms. Just before she went back, I kissed her."

I know it is a total fabrication, but I'm not telling them everything about last night. They will never understand. They look at me and seem to believe my story; at least they don't push for too many more details.

"So what is going to happen now?" Shauna asks.

"I don't know," I say. "She is still an initiate and initiation is not over. I have to behave accordingly, at least until tomorrow night after the final ranks are announced. Then we will see."

"Looks like you have given this quite a bit of thought," Zeke says.

"He had to," responds Lauren. "He knows what is at stake for both of them if someone finds out and decides to retaliate."

She is more right than she can possibly know. I find myself smiling again. Thinking about last night and realizing that my friends understand me more than I thought.

"Well Four," says Lauren. "We have to go, it is fear landscape day!"

We stand and walk up to the fear landscape room. The initiates will be here soon.

XXX

"Two years ago," Lauren says, "I was afraid of spiders, suffocation, walls that inch slowly inward and trap you between them, getting thrown out of Dauntless, uncontrollable bleeding, getting run over by a train, my father's death, public humiliation, and kidnapping by men without faces." She puts her hands into her pockets. "Most of you will have anywhere from ten to fifteen fears in your fear landscapes. That is the average number," she says.

"What's the lowest number someone has gotten?" Lynn asks.

"In recent years," says Lauren, "four." Everyone looks over at me. For the first time the initiates realize why I am called Four. I keep my eyes focused on the ground, but I can feel Tris' eyes on me. "You will not find out your number today," she continues. "The simulation is set to my fears instead of your own." I'm glad she agreed to this. There is just no way I am letting just anyone into my fears. "For the purposes of this exercise, though, each of you will face _one_of my fears, to get a sense for how the simulation works."

She begins passing out fears to each of the initiates. Tris ends up with kidnapping. I'm not sure this is a good idea; she just went through that in real life not so long ago.

I watch as everyone goes through one of Lauren's fears. Lauren decided that she didn't want to be in there, since these are her worst fears, so I'm the one hooked up to the computer observing. One by one the initiates move through her fears, then it is Tris' turn. She looks confident, maybe she will be fine. Maybe she will be able to handle this. She slips into the simulation and I watch her reactions. She looks terrified almost immediately.

A field of grass erupts all around her and someone grabs a hold of her arms. She screams and her body thrashes against the assailants. Unexpectedly the scene changes and it is dark. She is near the chasm and is about to be thrown over the railing by Peter. She changed Lauren's simulation into her own fear. She continues screaming and crying out, desperate for someone to help her escape them. She can't calm down; she is losing her sense of reality. She is supposed to remember that this is a simulation and that she can manipulate it. This is taking longer than it should She can't get out on her own without calming down and there is no sign of that happening.

"Stop," I say. I walk in and lift her to her feet. I don't want to be cruel, but I also don't want the others to know what just happened or that the reason that I stopped it was because I can't see her go through that again. I hope she understands.

"What the hell was that, Stiff?"

"I," she sobs. "I didn't…"

"Get yourself together! This is pathetic."

She looks at me completely crushed. She can't believe that I'm talking to her like this. I feel horrible, but what else can I do. The initiates are watching, Lauren is watching and although she knows about us, she doesn't know about Tris' Divergence.

Her body stiffens and she glares at me. She pulls her hand back and slaps me in the face. "Shut-up!" she growls. She pulls herself from my grasp and storms out of the room.

I am furious right now and I want to follow her, but I can't. I'll have to settle for finding her after we are done here.


	22. Chapter 22

I own nothing!

Chapter 22

I spend the next few hours searching for Tris throughout the compound. I spent some time in the control room searching the security cameras for a glimpse of her. I even checked the security cameras outside of the compound. I checked every corner of the Pit and the surrounding areas, the train tracks, everywhere I could think of. It was as though she vanished. Now I'm worried about her more than ever. I hope she didn't completely leave the compound that will cause her even more trouble.

I walk through the Pit for about the hundredth time today, hoping I'll see something new. I look up toward the glass ceiling and there she is. A weight lifts from me; at least I know she is alive and safe, for now.

Eric has her by the arm dragging her to his office. She must have left the compound and Eric has caught her. I make my way up to his office; hopefully I can defuse the situation a little and bring some of Eric's rage onto me.

I shove his door open, "What are you doing?" I say in a deep menacing way.

"Leave the room," Eric snaps at me.

"No," I retort. "She is just a foolish girl. There's no need to drag her here and interrogate her."

"Just a foolish girl." Eric replies. "If she was just a foolish girl, she wouldn't be ranked first, now would she?"

I pull my hand to my face and pinch my nose. I look toward Tris and will her to remember what I have told her. How I told her to best convince people that she isn't a threat.

"I… I was just embarrassed and didn't know what to do," she looks at the ground like she is cowering. She places one hand in her pocket and I can see that she is pinching herself to try to bring tears. That's my girl! She really is brilliant!

She looks up at Eric with red teary eyes, "I tried to… and…" She shakes her head like she can't admit to something.

"You tried to what?" asks Eric.

"Kiss me," I say. "And I rejected her, and she went running off like a five-year-old. There's really nothing to blame her for but stupidity."

Eric scoffs and looks from me to her. "Isn't he a little too old for you, Tris?"

She wipes her cheeks with the palms of her hands. "Can I go now?"

"Fine," Eric replies, "but you are not allowed to leave the compound without supervision again, you hear me?" Then he turns to me, I knew I couldn't get out of here without some kind of comment. "And _you_… had better make sure none of the other transfers leave the compound again. And that none of the others try to kiss you."

I roll my eyes at him, "Fine."

Tris leaves the room and Eric and I left standing there. He has a malicious look on his face.

"Is there anything else?" I demand.

"Yeah, there is," he says. "I want you to keep an eye on her. There is something there that I'm not sure about." If he only knew that I have had my eye on her for very different reasons for weeks.

"Is that it?"

"No," he laughs. "Why would you reject that? Are you stupid or something? If the girl is throwing herself at you, you should take advantage of it!" After he says this he turns laughing and leaves out another door. I would love to snatch him by his scrawny neck and beat him to a bloody pulp, but I restrain myself.

I wait a few more moments until I see him disappear around a corner and walk out the door that Tris exited. Hopefully she didn't go back to the dorms yet.

She is sitting outside of the door curled into a ball. She stands and looks at me with her arms folded in a defensive manner. She looks like she is ready for me to yell at her and a part of me wants to. The instructor part wants to know what she was thinking, and how she could be so stupid, and why she smacked me. But Tobias just wants to make sure she is okay and that no one hurt her.

"What?" she asks expectantly.

"Are you alright?" I ask her touching her cheek gently. She bats my hand away.

"Well, first I got reamed out in front of everyone, and then I had to chat with the woman who's trying to destroy my old faction, and then Eric almost tossed my friends out of Dauntless, so yeah, it's shaping up to be a pretty great day, _Four_."

I shake my head at her. First off, I hate the way she used my nickname like some kind of weapon against me. But most of all I am frustrated. Why does she never get my intentions? Why does she not know that I am hard on her because I know she can handle it? I look around me at the worn and dilapidated buildings and I wonder how I can make her understand.

"Why do you care, anyway?" she says. "You can be either cruel instructor or concerned boyfriend. You can't play both parts at the same time."

Boyfriend? Did she just call me her boyfriend? My heart flutters a bit when I hear that but then the rest of her statement resonates through my head. She thinks I'm cruel.

"I am not cruel." I scowl at her. "I was protecting you this morning. How do you think Peter and his idiot friends would have reacted if they discovered that you and I were…" I sigh in frustration. She needs to understand my intentions. "You would never win. They would always call you ranking a result of my favoritism rather than your skill."

She looks at me like she wants to argue but stops herself. She thinks for a long time and seems to realize that I am right.

"You didn't have to insult me to prove something to them," she says quietly.

"And you didn't have to run off to your brother just because I hurt you. Besides- it worked, didn't it?"

"At my expense," she is barely audible.

"I didn't think it would affect you this way. Sometimes I forget that I can hurt you. That you are capable of being hurt."

I believe in her strength so much that I think she can handle anything. I forget that she is a sixteen year old girl that isn't always the self-possessed, confident girl that stands before me. Right now I can see both, the confident girl and the vulnerable girl, looking at me through the same eyes. I wonder why I have never noticed that they are both there all of the time.

I watch her face as she contemplates my words. She finally sees that I am so sure of her strength that I rely on that strength to push her. She comes closer to me and stands on her tiptoes to place a kiss on my lips.

"You're brilliant, you know that?" she says softly. "You always know what to do."

"Only because I've been thinking about this for a long time," I kiss her again. "How I would handle it, if you and I…" Then I remember what she said before and I smile. "Did I hear you call me your boyfriend, Tris?"

"Not exactly," she says nervously smiling. "Why? Do you want me to?"

I place my hands on her neck and run them through the back of her neck and hair. I tilt her head up to look at me and place my forehead to hers. I close my eyes and just enjoy her scent and her closeness. My heart is racing.

"Yes," I say. Then I think about Eric, "Do you think we convinced him that you're just a silly girl?"

"I hope so. Sometimes it helps to be small. I'm not sure I convinced the Erudite, though."

This reminds me of what I found just before initiation began. I want to share this information with her, I think it is important that she knows. "There is something that I need to tell you."

"What is it?"

"Not now," I look around. Again this is one of those situations that would be better to show her than tell her. "Meet me here at eleven thirty. Don't tell anyone where you are going."

She nods at me and I release her and walk away.

I turn down the hall back to the control room. I have some information gathering to do before I meet her.

XXX

I stand on the roof and check my watch; she should be here any moment. Behind me the door opens and she walks toward me. I take her hand silently and lead her to the train tracks just as it arrives. I pull myself into a car and lift her in with me. I pull a little too hard, she is much lighter than I realized, and she falls against my chest. My fingers slide down her arms to her elbows and I hold her there as we drift away from Dauntless.

"What do you want to tell me?" she asks.

"Not yet," I say.

I lead her toward the wall and I sink down to the floor, pulling her down with me. I lean against the wall and she sits with her legs to her side facing me. The wind blows her hair across her face and I can't help but look at this beautiful girl in front of me. She is everything that I have ever wanted, and now she is mine. I place my palms on her face and pull her mouth to mine.

I can feel her shiver and I wonder if she is cold or if it is our closeness that makes her tremble. I pull away from her lips and kiss her jaw and neck. I run my finger through her hair as I continue to her ear and cheek. I want to touch every part of her face with my lips.

The train wobbles and she is thrown off balance. She puts her hand out to steady herself and her hand lands on my hip. This sends a jolt of electricity through my body. She makes every part of me tingle with excitement and longing.

All of a sudden she throws her leg over me; she sits on top of me and straddles my legs. She wraps her arms around my neck and she skims the back of my neck with her fingers then she runs them into my hair. She leans in and kisses me. My body is vibrating. I sit up straighter and pull my hands to her shoulders. I slide my fingers gently down her spine to the small of her back. I pull her closer to me. I want her to be as close to me as I can get her. I am kissing her with an insatiable desire, I almost not able to control myself. I pull my hand around her waist, and up the side of her body. I unzip her jacket a few inches and pull away from the kiss. I look from her lips to her neck then her collar bone. I brush my finger lightly across her tattoos. I've always wanted to know what the birds stand for.

I smile at her, "Birds. Are they crows? I keep forgetting to ask."

She smiles back at me. "Ravens," she whispers breathlessly. "One for each member of my family. You like them?"

I don't answer. I pull her closer to me and press my lips to each bird. I feel her shudder at my touch. I pull my hand to her cheek and look at her. Her eyes are closed.

"I hate to say this," I say, "but we have to get up now." I don't want to move. I want to keep the pressure of her body on mine.

She nods and opens her eyes. She stands and I pull myself up next to her. I take her hand in mine and pull her toward the door. We stand in front of the open door of the train car and I point out toward the city. It is after midnight now, so the city is dark. Then I gesture toward a group of buildings in the distance. She follows my gaze to where I'm pointing and she sees what I am point to. In the distance there are a group of buildings that are lit up among the darkness. Erudite headquarters.

"Apparently the city ordinances don't mean anything to them," I tell her, "because their lights will be on all night."

"No one else has noticed?" She asks.

"I'm sure they have, but they haven't done anything to stop it. It may be because they don't want to cause a problem over something so small." I shrug and look out, "But it made me wonder what the Erudite are doing that requires night light."

I move away from the door and lean against the wall facing her. "Two things you should know about me. The first is that I am deeply suspicious of people in general. It is my nature to expect the worst of them. And the second is that I am unexpectedly good with computers."

She nods at me, probably remembering that the first day of initiation I told them that my real job was in the control room.

"A few weeks ago, before training started, I was at work and found a way into the Dauntless secure files. Apparently we are not as skilled as the Erudite are at security, and what I discovered was what looked like war plans. Thinly veiled commands, supply lists, maps. Things like that. And those files were sent from Erudite."

"War?" She ask terrified brushing her hair from her face. "War on Abnegation?"

I take her hand and say, "The faction that controls the government. Yes." I pause for a moment, "All those reports are supposed to stir up dissension against Abnegation. Evidently the Erudite now what to speed up the process. I have no idea what to do about it… or what could be done."

"But," she says, "why would Erudite team up with Dauntless."

I don't answer; she can answer this for herself. She looks up at me wide-eyed as though she has figured out what is going to happen.

"They are going to use us," she says. There is terror on her face.

"I wonder," I say, "how they plan to get us to fight." This is the part that I can't figure out. Some Dauntless will fight without cause, but most won't.

The wind blows her hair across her face and she says, "I don't know."

We stand and look out at the black city for a few more moments. I turn and lead her back over to the wall where we had been sitting. I slide back down to sit on the floor and she comes up and sits on my lap with both of her legs to one side. She leans into me places her head on my shoulder. I can feel the warmth of her breath on my neck. I wrap arms around her and hold her tight to me. She leans in and kisses me gently on the neck, then my jaw, and finally on my lips. I run my fingers back and forth along her cheek and run my fingers through her hair. She lays her head back down on my shoulder and I continue to absently run my fingers along her cheek. We don't talk during the ride home. We stay this way, holding tight to each other until it is time to get off of the train.


	23. Chapter 23

I own nothing!

Chapter 23

Today is initiation day. In Dauntless this is a day of parties, drinking, and chaos. Everyone in the compound has the day off, so there are people everywhere, most of which started drinking right after breakfast.

Today we will welcome a new group of initiates in to our Dauntless family as full members. After lunch, the initiates will make their way up to the fear landscape room to face their fears.

I remember this day two years ago when I walked into my fear landscape Tobias, and came out Four. The leaders couldn't believe that I only had four fears. They also couldn't believe what they saw about the Abnegation leader Marcus Eaton. Following the ranking announcement at the banquet, Amar and several of the leaders took me aside to ask me if what they saw was true. I wasn't sure why they were so interested in my abusive father, but the leaders tried to push me for details. Amar just stood aside and when the questions got too overwhelming, he led me out of the room. Now I wonder if their curiosity was so they could report Marcus' cruelty to Erudite. I also wonder if Amar's protectiveness toward me helped to lead to his death.

It is days like today when I miss him the most. I can't help but think about how much he would have liked Tris. He would have been fascinated by her curiosity, intelligence, selflessness, and bravery. He also would have been very interested in how quickly I became infatuated with her. I was never one to bother much with chasing girls; he used to tell me that I hadn't met the right kind of girl yet and when I did I'd know it. I guess he was right after all.

After his death, I mourned for a long time. He was like a father to me, much the same way Tori is like a mother. They both took to me in that parental way like no one before or since. To honor him, I decided to take over training initiates. He always said it was the most important job he could have. It took a while but I realized that was because he made it his personal mission to protect people who Divergent. So I took over because I wanted to continue his secret mission. He took care of me, and I'm sure there were others that he watched out for as well. So I decided it was my turn.

After I shower, shave, and dress, I am out the door to grab something to eat before the fear landscape simulations begin. I wonder if he would be proud of me.

XXX

I make my way to the fear landscape room to prepare for the day. The Dauntless-born initiates will be here soon followed by the transfers.

When the Dauntless-borns arrive, I explain that the order that they go into the fear landscape is based on their rank, last to first. Uriah looks petrified; he will be the last of them to go before the transfers.

I watch through the window as each initiate faces their fears. So far the most was eighteen and the least was twelve. Marlene steps in just as the transfers enter the room. They bustle into the room and take up the empty seats. Behind me I hear Uriah call to Tris. "Hey, Tris! You can sit on my lap if you want."

"Tempting," she snickers. "It's fine. I like to stand."

I feel a twinge of jealousy when I think about her sitting on someone else's lap. But I also know that she wouldn't do that. She has shown no interest in any other guy, except for friendship, since she got here, only me.

The lights come on and Marlene is done with her simulation. I finish watching the Dauntless-borns go through their landscapes, and then I step forward to address the transfers.

"Transfers, the order in which you go through the final test was taken from your rankings as they now stand. So Drew will go first, and Tris will go last."

My eyes meet hers from across the room and I try to give her courage. The transfers get called in one by one until Tris is the only one waiting to be called. So far the shortest amount of time spent in the simulation overall was Uriah at eight minutes and fifteen seconds and he had nine fears. The rest are between ten and twenty minutes. She just has to beat ten minutes in order to secure a top ranking of first or second.

The door opens and I beckon to her to enter.

"Tris."

She walks forward to where Eric stands in the front of the observation room waiting to inject her with the simulation serum.

"Ready?" he asks.


	24. Chapter 24

I own nothing!

Chapter 24

Tris steps into the room and a moment later is taken by the simulation.

I stand in the observation room watching from the outside. I wish I could go through this with her and help her like she helped me. But since I'm not even attached to the wires, I can only speculate as to what her fears are.

Her first simulation has begun. She looks around her and I see her cringe from what is probably pain. She crouches on the floor her hands feeling for something that is only in her mind. She twitches several times as though she is being assaulted from every angle and I'm sure I know what fear this is, it is the crows. She is not trying to fight them off; she just keeps searching for something on the ground.

It seems that her hands found what she was looking for; she stands with arms outstretched and makes a motion like she is shooting a gun. She has figured out what this fear is about and how to combat it. She relaxes for a moment, and is out of the first fear in less than a minute.

The next fear comes, her body shifts and she crouches down and touches the floor. I am positive I know what this one is too. It is the glass case the fills with water. She holds her hands up in front of her like she is a mime in an invisible box, only the box isn't invisible to her. She starts to punch and kick in front of her, trying to break the box more than likely. Whatever she is doing doesn't seem to be working, she is starting to look more and more flustered. She is wasting too much time in this fear, she needs to find a way to escape it and move on. She pounds her fists over and over in the same place. Finally it seems like she has succeed in breaking through and moving on to the next one.

When the next fear takes her, she is immediately thrown to the floor. She looks like she is struggling against a powerful force. This must be a fear she hasn't seem before. She clings to something invisible like she is trying to stop herself from being swept away. Something throws her body and her face seems to have collided with something and she winces. She screams with frustration. She reaches for something and drags herself forward to stand. She runs and then just stops. That fear must be done now.

She stands with her arms and legs close together like they are bound. I know what this fear is, she is going to be burned alive. She looks around and struggles against her invisible bonds. She makes eye contact with beings that are surrounding her. She yells out "No" tears running down her cheeks. She is having a conversation with someone in her hallucination. If I'm right about the fear, it is Peter. "Know what I smell?" she asks forcefully. "I smell rain." She looks down like she is watching the rain extinguish the flames that are present in her vision.

That is four fears so far. I wonder how many more she will have. She has been in there for four minutes now. She is on course to beat or tie Uriah's time.

She looks around confused, like what she is seeing isn't right. She turns and looks and she is terrified. She keeps looking around her then placed her hands on something and slides it to the side. She bites her lip as she searches for something in front of her. She takes a hold of something that appears to be a gun again. She aims it and seems to be shooting unknown beings. She screams and throws whatever was in her hand to the ground. She sits on the floor and begins breathing deeply, trying to calm herself. She crawls across the floor and then stops. The fear seems to be over.

She is immediately standing again looking at something or someone that is familiar to her, whatever it is she is relaxed and happy to see it. She looks around like she is trying to figure out what she is supposed to be afraid of. She looks up and it appears she is… kissing? What is this? The leaders start laughing. Her fear is funny? She pushes the invisible person back from her and touches her forehead. She tilts her head to the side then looks up. I hear her mumble something that I can't hear this time. She grabs in front of her turns around and pushes forward. She steps in and appears to be kissing again. I really want to know what this fear is. Who is she kissing in her fears? Then she stops.

Seven minutes gone by now.

She jerks her head toward a sound that she must hear. She moves her hand around what looks to be another gun. She has a look of dread on her face. I know what this fear is too. I've seen her go through it sever times in stage two. This is the fear that she has to kill her family. She yells out the word, "No." She looks back and forth like she is looks at the faces of her family. "Shut-up," she yells sehaking her head. She appears to drop the gun she was holding, she turns her head and pushes it forward.

The lights come on. That's it, she is done. "Eight minutes and five seconds, and seven fears," Max tells me. Wow, seven fears, that is impressive. She beat Uriah's time by ten seconds.


	25. Chapter 25

I own nothing!

Chapter 25

She looks relieved when the lights come on. She turns when she hears the door open. She sees me and I smile at her. She did such a good job, I am very proud of her.

"Congratulations, Tris," Eric says. "You have successfully completed your final evaluation."

She gives him a small smile and says, "Thank you."

"There is one more thing before you go and get ready for the welcoming banquet," he tells her.

I know what is coming next, he got me earlier. I didn't want to let him inject me with anything, but if I fought it they would question it.

He waves to one of the other leaders. She gives him a box, and he takes out a syringe. "At least you aren't afraid of needles," he says. "This will inject you with a tracking device that will be activated only if you are reported missing. Just a precaution."

"How often do people go missing?" she asks.

"Not often." Eric looks at the syringe. "This is a new development, courtesy of the Erudite. We have been injecting every Dauntless throughout the day, and I assume all other factions will comply as soon as possible."

Tris looks worried, hesitant, the same way I felt about it. "All right." She says, her voice tight..

"The banquet is in two hours," Eric says now. "Your ranking among the other initiates, Dauntless-born included, will be announced then. Good luck." He and the rest of the leader exit the room.

I beacon to her to follow me and she does. I want to talk to her, but we can't really talk here. "I heard a rumor that you only had seven obstacles to face," I say. "Practically unheard of."

"You…you weren't watching the simulation?"

"Only the screens. The Dauntless leaders are the only ones who see the whole thing," I say. "They seemed impressed."

"Well, seven fears isn't as impressive as four," she says, "but it will suffice."

"I would be surprised if you weren't ranked first," I say.

She follows me through the glass room where she is greeted with cheers and claps on the back. She sticks to my side as we descend into the Pit.

"I have a question." She says biting her lip. "How much did they tell you about my fear landscape?"

There was something in her landscape that she didn't want me to see. She is worried.

"Nothing, really. Why?" I reply.

"No reason," she looks down.

I don't want to part ways with her right now. I want to spend some time alone with her.

"Do you have to go back to the dormitory?" I ask. "Because if you want peace and quiet, you can stay with me until the banquet."

She looks nervous.

"What is it?" I ask.

She hesitates. "Let's go," she says.

XXX

I lead her up to my apartment. I unlock the door and push it open to let her enter. I come in behind her and slip off my shoes by the door.

"Want some water?" I ask her. She looks nervous. I'm not sure what this is about.

"No thanks." She looks at her hands.

"You okay?" I ask her, brushing my fingers along her cheek. I place my hand on the side of her face then slide my fingers through her hair. I smile at her and draw her closer to kiss her.

I move my hands to her shoulders and push her jacket off of her and it hits the floor. She stiffens and pushes me away. She covers her face with her hands.

"What? What's wrong?" I ask her confused and a little hurt.

She shakes her head.

"Don't tell me it's nothing." I say callously. She is hiding something from me. I can feel hurt and a ting of anger building up in me. I grab her arm. "Hey. Look at me."

She takes her hands from her face and looks up at me.

"Sometimes I wonder," she says, trying to stay calm, "what's in it for you. This…whatever it is."

"What's in it for me," I say. What is that supposed to mean? And where is this coming from? I step back from her and shake my head. "You're an idiot, Tris." I say, the hurt and anger building even more.

"I am _not_an idiot," she says. "Which is why I know that it's a little weird that, of all the girls you could have chosen, you chose me. So if you're just looking for…um, you know…_that_…"

"What? Sex?" I growl at her. I can't believe this. How could she think that? "You know, if that was all I wanted, you probably wouldn't be the first person I would go to." I know that didn't come out the way I wanted it to, but how can she think that is all I want from her. She is beautiful and brilliant, she isn't that kind of girl, I know it. I have known it from the moment that I met her. Besides, I don't want that kind of girl.

She moves her hands, blinks away her tears, and looks up at me, hurt. I didn't mean to hurt her with my words. "I'm going to leave now," she says, barely audible.

"No, Tris," I say. I grab her wrist and pull her back to me. She tries to pull away but I take her other wrist, and our arms are crossed. She is not going to leave until we work this out. I can't have her thinking that I'm just some guy trying to get her to do something that she isn't ready for.

"I'm sorry I said that," I say. "What I _meant_ was that you aren't like that. Which I knew when I met you."

"You were an obstacle in my fear landscape." Her lip trembles and her voice shudders. "Did you know that?"

"What?" I step back from her, I feel like someone has just ripped my heart from my chest. "You're _afraid_ of me?" My stomach churns.

"Not you," she says, still fighting tears. What have I done to make her afraid of me? Have I been too forthcoming with my feelings? "Being with you…with anyone. I've never been involved with someone before, and…you're older, and I don't know what your expectations are, and…"

"Tris," I say, my voice soft and calm, "I don't know what delusion you're operating under, but this is all new to me, too." We have never talked about this. The past couple days have gone by in a whirlwind and we have never talked about any of this.

"Delusion?" She asks. "You mean you haven't…" she looks at me shocked. She thought I have been with other people. I feel uncomfortable as she looks at me. "Oh. _Oh._ I just assumed…" Her voice cuts off. "Um. You know."

"Well, you assumed wrong." I look down feeling embarrassed. She's the first girl that I have ever had a relationship with like this before. I've never been interested in anyone until I met her. "You can tell me anything, you know," I say. I move closer to her and I touch her face. "I am kinder than I seemed in training. I promise."

I kiss between her eyebrows, on her nose, then move my mouth to hers, trying to kiss her as gently as I can. I feel the familiar sense of electricity pulsing through me that I feel every time I kiss her. I slide my hand over her shoulder, and I feel a bandage. I pull back and look concerned.

"Are you hurt?" I ask.

"No. It's another tattoo. It's healed, I just…wanted to keep it covered up."

"Can I see?" I ask. I love her ravens and I want to see what else she has found that is important enough to put on her body. She pulls at her sleeve, and she takes her shoulder out of it. I run my fingers along her shoulder and then to the edge of the bandage. I pull the corner of the bandage away from her skin gently. I see the symbol of Abnegation. I can't help but smile.

"I have the same one." I say, and laugh. "On my back."

"Really? Can I see it?"

I press the bandage back over her tattoo and adjust her shirt so it covers her shoulder.

I smirk mischievously at her. "Are you asking me to undress, Tris?"

She laughs nervously. "Only…partially."

I nod at her as my smile fades. I look into her eyes as I unzip my sweatshirt, slide it off, and toss it on to the chair. She watches every move I make. Now I can understand her fear a little more because I'm feeling it now too.

With my eyes still on her, I take the hem of my T-shirt and pull the shirt over my head in one rapid movement.

She looks at the flames that are on my ribcage and my new tattoo on my shoulder. I look away from her.

"What is it?" she asks.

"I don't invite many people to look at me," I say. "Any people, actually."

"I can't imagine why," she says in a soft tone. "I mean, look at you." She makes me feel like my heart is going to escape me. She always makes me feel that way.

She walks around me to look at my back. At the top of my back is the symbol of Dauntless, just under that is Abnegation, and then Candor, Erudite, and Amity are all smaller descending to my lower back. My back is completely covered with ink.

"I think we've made a mistake," I say in a quiet voice. "We've all started to put down the virtues of the other factions in the process of bolstering our own. I don't want to do that. I want to be brave, and selfless, _and_smart, _and_ kind, _and_honest. I clear my throat. "I continually struggle with kindness."

"No one's perfect," she murmurs. "It doesn't work that way. One bad thing goes away, and another replaces it."

I shiver as her fingers move lightly over my back to the Abnegation symbol. "We have to warn them, you know. Soon."

"I know," I say. "We will."

I turn to her, and she looks at me unsure of herself and of me.

"Is this scaring you, Tris?" I ask.

"No," she says, she sounds terrified. She clears her throat. "Not really. I'm only… afraid of what I want."

"What do you want?" I ask her, then I realize. "Me?"  
She nods her head slowly, not completely making eye contact with me.

I nod to her too. I'm terrified also, but I want desperately to be near her. I take her hands in mine and guide them to my abdomen. I look down, still not meeting her eyes. I push her hands from my abdomen, up over my chest then place them around my neck. My body is pulsing with the energy from her touch. I never realized how much effort it would take for me to control my urges for her. But I don't want to scare her any more than she is.

"Someday," I say, "if you still want me, we can…" I pause, and clear my throat, feeling embarrassed. "We can…"

She looks up at me and smiles, she pulls me close to her before I can finish. She places her head on my bare chest, just over my heart. My pulse is racing and I know she can hear it.

"Are you afraid of my too, Tobias?"

"Terrified," I say, a smile spreading across my face.

She turns and kisses my neck lightly.

"Maybe you won't be in my fear landscape anymore," she speaks softly.

I bend my head and kiss her slowly, her hands moving down to rest on my chest.

"Then everyone can call you Six." I say.

"Four and Six," she says.

We kiss each other again, slowly then with more vigor and passion. She leads me toward the bed where I sit down and she is almost at eye level with me. I have a theory that most of her fears are not being in control; this is an extension of that fear. When she placed herself on my lap on the train, she chose to do that. And now leading me to the bed to sit down was also her doing. I don't say anything to her about it. I just allow her to make the first moves and I don't push too much.

Looking into her eyes I can see her fear, but it has subsided a bit. She leans in and kisses me, gently at first then when I place my hands on the small of her back, the kiss becomes more enthusiastic. She crawls up on my lap and straddles me. She wraps her legs around my waist and pulls herself closer to me. I feel like I am going to explode with desire. I reach my hands under the hem of her shirt and glide my finger tips up her bare spine. I grasp her shoulders from under her shirt and pull her tight to me. I pull away from the kiss and look into her eyes. Then I begin to kiss her neck, her jaw, and then back to her lips. I slide my hands back down her spine and I can feel her shiver.

I take my hands from under her shirt and pull away from the kiss again. I lean back on my arms across the bed and look at her. She smiles at me and unwraps her legs from my waist. She slides back off of my lap and lies on the bed next to me. I hold her there kissing some more and finally dosing for a while until we hear the noise of the Dauntless in the hall headed to the banquet.


	26. Chapter 26

I own nothing!

Chapter 26

We walk to the dining hall and I can see that Tris keeps looking at me. I'm not sure what she is looking for, but I wear the smile on my face proudly. I have never been happier than I am right this moment. We spent the last two hours kissing, talking, cuddling, and sleeping. It was wonderful, so wonderful that I didn't really want to leave.

She looks happier too and I think I was able to convince her that she could trust me. Nothing happened that she didn't want to happen, so she was in complete control.

We reach the dining hall and she enters the room first. About a minute later, I enter and sit with Zeke, Shauna, and Lauren. Zeke tries to hand me a bottle of beer, but I wave it off.

Lauren asks, "Where were you for the past two hours?"

"Yeah," says Shauna, "someone can't hide his happiness."

"Tris and I just hung out together alone, that's all. It was nice to be with her and not have to worry about people being around." I say.

"You should bring her to my party after this!" says Zeke. "What better way to break it to the world that she is your lady!"

"I don't know man. See I've decided to let her take control of this relationship to a certain degree. So when she is ready to go public, that is when we will go public."

"What do you mean by 'letting her take control'?" Shauna asks. "You don't want to have any control at all?"

"No, it's not like that," I say. "I just realized that most of her fears centered around one specific theme, and that is not being in control. Her fear was so deep, that the idea of having sex with me was in her fear landscape. I just want her to know that nothing is going to happen unless she wants it to happen. I'm not pushing anything."

"Oh my God, Four," says Lauren. "You have got to be the best boyfriend ever!"

I smile, but say nothing more because Eric is on a table ready to talk.

"We aren't big on speeches here. Eloquence is for Erudite," Eric says. "So I'm going to keep this short. It's a new year, and we have a new pack of initiates. And a slightly smaller pack of new members. We offer them our congratulations."

The cafeteria erupts in shouts and fists hammering on the table.

"We believe in bravery. We believe in action. We believe in freedom from fear and acquiring the skills to force the bad out of our world so that good can prosper and thrive. If you also believe in those things, we welcome you."

More pounding and shouting.

"Tomorrow, in their first act as members, our top ten initiates will choose their professions, in the order of how they are ranked," Eric continues. "The rankings, I know, are what everyone is really waiting for. They are determined by a combinations of three scores- the first, from the combat stage of training; the second, from the simulation stage; and the third; from the final examination, the fear landscape. The rankings will appear on the screen behind me."

As soon as Eric stops speaking the results pop up on the screen. And in the top spot is Tris' picture. I can't control my smile. I look across the room to her, she is hugging her friends. Uriah goes over to her and they hug and he runs back to Lynn and Marlene. I look back at the screen to see the rest of the names.

1. Tris

2. Uriah

3. Lynn

4. Marlene

5. Peter

6. Will

7. Christina

8. Angela

9. Wayne

10. Reed

11. Molly

12. Drew

Molly and Drew are factionless, and Tris and Uriah, the Divergent, are the top two.

I look over towards Tris, I want to congratulate her, but I don't know if it would be appropriate. Shauna grabs my arm and pulls me down so I can hear her, "Go to her!" she says to me. I smile at her and I make my way across the hall to where she is standing. Will and Christina kiss off to the side. I tap her on the shoulder. She turns to me, she is absolutely beaming.

"You think giving you a hug would give away too much?" I ask, smiling.

"You know," she says, "I really don't care."

She stands up and goes up on tiptoe to kiss me. I'm surprised, but happy and lean in, and slide my fingers up the side of her neck.

She breaks away from the kiss and she stares up at me. She doesn't look upset or embarrassed, but a little worried and something tells me it has nothing to do with the kiss.

"Tris?" I say.

She shakes her head. "Not now." I look down at her, confused. "Later," she says "Okay?"  
I nod, there is something going on in her head, but I have no idea what.

XXX

After the rankings are announced, it is impossible to get her alone to see what she was talking about. Between people congratulating her and her friends, and the gawking stares from her friends because of the kiss and the fact that I am now holding her hand and staying by her side it is not possible to talk.

We socialize for a while. Christina drags her away for a moment, probably to ask her about us. Then I take her to my table and officially introduce my 'girlfriend' to my friends. The Pit is full of music, people, and parties. Every time I try to drag her away to my apartment so we can be alone, someone stops us. By the time it starts to settle down, I realize that I'm going to have to carry Zeke home or he may never get there.

I kiss her and tell her to meet me by the chasm in an hour. Then I drape Zeke over my shoulder and take him to his apartment. Once I get him settled in, I'm tired and I decided to sit on his couch for a minute and relax. I don't have to be down there for 20 minutes so I decide to enjoy the silence.

I wake to Zeke walking around his room in a daze. He is getting dressed and putting on his shoes very mechanically.

He looks like he is in a simulation. Then it dawns on me. Tris must have figured this out last night; the injection Eric gave everyone was for a simulation. This is how Erudite is going to control us.


	27. Chapter 27

I own nothing!

Chapter 27

I try to wake Zeke up and get him out of the simulation, but it is no use. He finishes getting dressed and walks to the door to leave. I need to get to Tris so I follow him out the door and see that everyone is under this simulation. He falls in line with other Dauntless as they head toward the Pit. I'm going to have to pretend that I am under the simulation if I want any chance of finding Tris and stopping this. If I am awake, I know she and Uriah are also awake. We walk toward the Pit and up through the glass ceiling to get to the train tracks. I have to do my best to match Zeke's movements because there are Dauntless leaders everywhere watching us.

He walks to a table and takes a gun, holster, and bullets then walks toward the tracks, I follow. When I get outside I scan all of the Dauntless to try to find Tris. I can't be obvious or the leaders will see me. Out of the corner of my eye I see Uriah, he looks placid like the rest of the people around us, but I can see the fear in his eyes. What I can't see is Tris.

Then from the side I see someone move just a little more than they should be. She is small and easily concealed by the bigger people around her. She must see me because she is moving in this direction.

I follow the people to get on the train and maneuver myself to be the one that helps her into the train. I take her hand as mechanically as I can and pull her in. She glances up and sees that it is me, but I keep the blank expression on my face so I don't draw attention to either of us. She looks devastated. She has always felt like she knew I was Divergent even though I never shared that with her. And now she looks overcome with grief that I look like everyone else.

We stand next to each other as the train fills then begins to shutter forward. We are shoulder to shoulder and I know that a small movement won't be noticed in this crowd. So I take her hand and lace my fingers with hers. She squeezes my hand and I can feel a slight tremble in it. I gently move my thumb in circles around her hand to try to calm her.

The train comes to a stop and everyone starts to jump off of the train. We are in Abnegation. I move my head and I look at her insistently. She looks back and I say, "Run."

She can't, "My family," she says.

We jump from the train and I walk in line in front of her. I have not been back here since before my choosing ceremony more than two years ago. Everything looks exactly the same as I remember, except he buildings are all dark and the streets are full of Dauntless.

We continue to walk when suddenly the monotonous sound of marching people is broken by the popping sound of gun shots. Out of the corner of my eye I can see grey clothed people kneeling on the ground and being executed in cold blood. Innocent men, women, and children will all die; all of Abnegation will die if I don't figure something out quickly.

All around us Dauntless soldiers carry out unspoken orders. It won't be long before Tris and I are spotted.

We are stopped and standing completely still with a group of other soldiers when I hear voices coming up next to us.

"This is insane," says a male voice that I recognize as Eric. He goes up to Tris and pokes her in the face. _Stay still Tris, don't move, _I think.

"They really can't see us? Or hear us?" asks a female leader's voice.

"Oh, they can see and hear. They just aren't processing what they see and hear in the same way. They receive commands from our computers in the transmitters we injected them with…" I can see him move his finger from her cheek and touch the injection site on her neck. "…and carry them out seamlessly."

My fury is building, I want to grab him and kill him for touching her. But he walks away from her and moves toward me.

"Now this is a happy sight," Eric says. "The legendary Four. No one's going to remember that I came in second now, are they? No one's going to ask me, 'What it was like to train with the guy who only has _four fears_?'" I knew he resented me, but I didn't realize how badly. He pulls his gun out and points it to my temple. I can feel the barrel of the gun pressing against my head and I try to decide what to do. "Think anyone would notice if he accidentally got shot?" he asks.

"Go ahead," say the female voice. "He's nothing now."

"Too bad you didn't just take Max up on his offer, Four. Well, too bad for you, anyway." Eric says as he clicks a bullet into the chamber of his gun.

I twitch my hand; I'm going to go for my gun. I am faster than him but he has the gun right on my head. But I can move fast enough to at least shot him in the leg.

Before I get the chance to move, Tris has her gun on his forehead with her finger on the trigger ready to fire.

"Get your gun away from his head," she growls at him.

"You won't shoot me," Eric replies.

"Interesting theory," she says to him. Then she moves her gun down and shoots him in the foot.

In one swift movement, I have my gun drawn and have shot the woman in the leg. Tris grabs my arm and we run. We run as fast as we can, me dragging her faster than she is used to running, toward an alley to try to disappear. There is a shot behind us and Tris falls to the ground. She has been hit in the shoulder. She looks at me and says, "Run!"

"No," I tell her. There is no way I am leaving her here. I crouch on the ground and cradle her in my arms. I help her to stand and keep my arm around her to support her weight.

We are surrounded immediately. "Divergent rebels," Eric says. "Surrender your weapons."


	28. Chapter 28

I own nothing!

Chapter 28

We are taken by gunpoint to Abnegation headquarters. I'm not sure what awaits us, but I will do whatever I need to do to try to save her life. Plans of how to get her out of this roll around in my head, but in every scenario, we are both shot and killed.

We are pushed into a room and a woman sits behind a desk. She is wearing Erudite blue, the president of the Erudite, Jeanine. This is woman who has been filing all of the reports about the Abnegation and trying to stir up resentment between the factions. She is talking on the telephone giving orders. She places the phone firmly back on the desk and she looks at us, but her eyes train on Tris.

"Divergent rebels," one of the Dauntless leaders says.

"Yes, I can see that," she says coldly as she takes her glasses off.

"You," she says pointing to Tris, "I expected. All the trouble with your aptitude test results made me suspicious from the beginning. But _you_…"

She shifts her eyes from Tris to me, "You, Tobias- or should I call you Four? –managed to elude me. Everything about you checked out; test results, initiation simulations, everything. But here you are none the less. Perhaps you could explain to me how that is?"

I guess Amar did a better job at hiding my Divergence than I ever realized. He gave me my aptitude test, so he probably manipulated that as well as my simulations. Tori gave Tris her test, and although she tried, she didn't hide her as well.

"You're the genius," I say coldly. "Why don't you tell me?"

She smiles, "My theory is that you really belong in Abnegation. That your Divergence is weaker."

Little does she know. "Your posers of deductive reasoning are stunning," I snipe. "Consider me awed."

Tris looks at me. She has just seen a side of me that she has never really seen. The side of me that is volatile, explosive, and very dangerous. The side of me that will sooner explode than lie down and die. I feel like my insides are going to spew molten lava. The fire from my rage is building inside me to the boiling point. But I need to hold it together for Tris.

"Now that your intelligence has been verified, you might want to get on with killing us." I close my eyes. "You have a lot of Abnegation leader to murder, after all."

Jeanine stands in front of us smiling. It is a smile that makes me want to rip off her face. "Don't be silly," she says. "There's no rush. You are both here for and extremely important purpose. You see, it perplexed me that the Divergent were immune to the serum that I developed, so I have been working to remedy that. I thought I might have , with the last batch, but as you know, I was wrong. Luckily I have another batch to test."

"Why bother," Tris asks. She is weak and has slumped against me more. I place my arm around her to support her from the waist.

"I have had a question since I began the Dauntless project, and it is this." She walks around the desk. "Why are most Divergent weak-willed, God-fearing nobodies from Abnegation, of all factions."

"Weak-willed," I sneer. "It requires a strong will to manipulate a simulation, last time I checked. Weak-willed is mind controlling an army because it is too hard for you to train one yourself."

"I'm not a fool," she says. "A faction of intellectuals is no army. We are tired of being dominated by a bunch of self-righteous idiots who reject wealth and advancement, but we couldn't do this on our own. And your Dauntless leaders were all too happy to oblige me if I guaranteed them place in our new, improved government."

"Improved," I snap.

"Yes, improved," Jeanine says. "Improved, and working toward a world in which people will live in wealth, comfort, and prosperity."

"At who's expense," Tris asks weakly. "All that wealth… doesn't come from nowhere."

"Certainly the factionless are a drain on our resources. As is Abnegation. I am sure that once the remains of your old faction are absorbed into the Dauntless army, Candor will cooperate and we will finally be able to get on with things."

Now I am furious. She is going to control everyone. She is going to make it so everyone is controlled by the serum so that she can have power and wealth for herself, no one else. No one but Jeanine and a few others are going to benefit from this new government. Everyone else will be no better than mindless zombies.

I'm getting sick of all of this talking, "Get on with things," my voice rises. "Make no mistake. You will be dead before the day is out, you-"

"Perhaps if you could control your temper, you would not be in this situation to begin with, Tobias."

"I'm in this situation because you put me here," I retort. "The second you orchestrated an attack against innocent people."

"Innocent people," Jeanine snickers. "I find that a little funny coming from you. I would expect Marcus' son to understand that not all those people are innocent." She sits up on the desk and looks at me. "Can you tell me honestly that you wouldn't be happy to discover that your father was killed in the attack."

"No," I say clenching my teeth. "But at least his evil didn't involve the widespread manipulation of an entire faction and the systematic murder of every political leader we have."

"What I was going to say," she says, "is that soon, dozens of Abnegation and their young children will be my responsibility to keep in order, and it does not bode well for me that a large number of them may be Divergent like yourselves, incapable of being controlled by the simulations." She stands and moves to the left. "Therefore it was necessary that I develop a new form of simulation to which they are not immune. I have been forced to reassess my own assumptions. That is where you come in." She moves to the right. "You are correct to say that you are strong- willed. I cannot control your will. But there are a few things I can control."

She stops and turns to us. Tris's head slumps to the side of my shoulder. I rub my thumb against her side. The blood oozing from her wound is making her weak.

"I can control what you see and hear," she continues. "So I created a new serum that will adjust your surroundings to manipulate your will. Those who refuse to accept our leadership must be closely monitored." In other words, we will cooperate or we will be controlled. Either way she gets what she wants. "You will be the first test subject, Tobias. Beatrice however…" She smiles at her. "You are too injured to be of much use to me, so your execution will occur at the conclusion of this meeting."

I feel like all the air was just drained from the room. I can't control the emotion that is building in me. More than fear or rage or terror, it is an overwhelming felling of sorrow. Tears that I didn't know I had anymore threaten to escape my eyes as I look down at her. All of my muscles tense around her and I hold her tight to me. I know that I could hurt her, but it is better than losing her. _I will not let her go_! They will have to kill me first. Now all of the emotions are building up in me at once, fear, anger,and terror makes my adrenaline pump through my veins. My blood is turned into pure acid burning inside me.

Tris looks up at me terrified. When she looks at me her tears begin to fall. I gather he closer to me. If I don't let her go, they can't kill her.

"No," I say, voice wavering. I shake my head. "I would rather die."

"I'm afraid you don't have much of a choice in the matter," Jeanine says. Her voice is light and matter of fact.

I will not let her go, and I have to do something now. I pull my hand from Tris's side, and my hands around her face. I kiss on her strong and hard, the pressure parting her lips allowing for a deeper more passionate kiss. I feel her strength entering me.

I pull away from her and she slumps to the wall. I lunge across the desk and force my fingers around Jeanine's throat. I am going to squeeze the life out of her. I'm going to break her neck. I can do it, Amar made sure to teach me how to kill people with my bare hands.

Two Dauntless come at me to try to subdue me, but I squeeze her neck as tight as I can. They wrestle me to the ground. One pins me to the floor with his knee between my shoulders and the other smashes my face into the carpet.

I can't see her, but I hear Tris try to attack my restrainers but one must shove her back against the wall because I hear her crumple against it and drop to the floor. I struggle to break free and help her, but it's no use. I can't move.

I hear Jeanine coming towards me. I throw my elbow into the Dauntless nearest me and hit him in the face. Jeanine leans down and I feel a stab in my neck, and all goes dark. That is all.

"Let him up," I hear a voice croak.

The pressure that was on my back leaves and I am able to stand. I look all around me and am not sure of what I see in front of me. Familiar faces surround me, my friends and my old trainer Amar. Wait… Isn't Amar dead? There is also a girl here that looks like she might be familiar, but I get a feeling of dread and danger when I look at her. I need to eliminate her.

"Tobias!" the girl says. How does she know my name? "Tobias!" She sounds worried but I know this is a trick, she is going to kill me if I don't kill her first.

I narrow my eyes at her and walk toward her. I grab her by the throat, my hands wrapping around her windpipe, cutting off all oxygen and blood. I will choke the life out of her.

I hear someone talking about a simulation. I know I need to stop the simulation. The Dauntless are in a simulation and I need to stop it. Is this girl who is controlling the simulation? Is that why I feel like I need to kill her?

One of my friends grabs me from behind and pulls me off of her. They must not want me to kill her yet.

I hear something about going to a control room. Yes, that is where I need to go. That is where I need to be to dismantle the simulation and stop what is happening. Maybe then they will let me kill this girl.


	29. Chapter 29

I own nothing!

Chapter 29

We hop on the train and return to Dauntless. I have no idea what I was doing in Abnegation anyway. I guess it doesn't matter; I am going back to Dauntless, back to the control room to dismantle the simulation.

I enter the control room with Amar and get to work on the keyboard, typing in codes to try to stop what I see on the screens. In front of me I see images of Dauntless soldiers shooting and killing people. They are all still trapped in the simulation. I need to find the right code to get them out and stop this from happening.

I am usually good with computers, so why is this taking so long? It seems like it has been hours, or even days since I started trying to stop this from happening.

Amar stays in the room with me and there is something that just isn't right about that. He is supposed to be dead. They found him along the tracks just before choosing day, shot in the back of the head. Maybe he really wasn't dead, maybe they took him to the hospital and he recovered. But that is impossible, I saw it happen, I was working in the control room and watched helplessly as a masked figure all in black came up to him and shot him. He can't possibly be here, but he is.

My head feels like it is going to explode. I'm really happy to see my old mentor but the feeling that he shouldn't be here and this isn't right keeps eating away at me. I know something isn't right about all of this. I should have been able to stop this simulation by now. I need to focus.

I concentrate on stopping the simulation. He isn't attacking me; he isn't doing anything that shows there to be a problem, so I'll worry about my suspicions after I dismantle the simulation.

I continue to hammer away on the keys trying. Suddenly Amar looks alarmed. There are noises out in the hall, gun shots and people shouting. He tells me to stay here and continue working, so I do. There is nothing more important than stopping the simulation. The noises in the hall continue then it is silence. Amar must have stopped them from coming because I hear the door open behind me.

Then I hear a familiar voice, "Tobias."


	30. Chapter 30

I own nothing!

Chapter 30

I turn to the sound of my name. Not many people call me Tobias, my mother, my father, Amar, and _her_. Why does she call me by that name? Why does she say it with such feeling, love? I don't understand what is happening here, my mind says she is the enemy and that I should eliminate her. Every other part of me says she is familiar, that she is someone that belongs cradled lovingly in my arms. I raise my gun.

"Drop your weapon."

"Tobias," she says, "you're in a simulation."

How could that possibly be? I was brought here to stop the simulation, how could I be in a simulation? I'm Divergent, I can't be in a simulation. She is lying to confuse me.

"Drop your weapon," I tell her. "Or I'll fire."

The struggle going on inside me is deafening. I hear her speak, I know how she is making me feel, and I know what my mind is telling me. All three are battling against each other in my head, struggling to find the truth.

She sets her gun down at her feet. I can see her do this, but for some reason it doesn't register in my mind. What is happening here?

"Drop you weapon!" I shout.

"I did," her voice is soft and full of pain. She looks at me with a sad longing. I know her gun is on the ground, I can see it there. But my mind keeps telling me that she is still armed. All of my senses are confused now. What I see, feel, and hear are all going against what is going on in my head. What is real?

She runs toward me and grabs my wrist. I fire but miss her and hit the wall instead. She kicks me in the ribs and twists my wrist. She is small but strong and for some reason I feel like I'm the one who taught her how to fight.

She dives for the gun but I grab her and jerk her away. My confusion escalates, why would I have taught my enemy to fight? Then, automatically I punch her in the jaw. She wobbles like she is going to fall. Part of me wants to go steady her, the other wants to go and kick her legs out from under her.

She knocks the gun away so it is out of reach. Then she kicks me in the stomach.

What is this girl thinking; she can't beat me in a fight. She is over a foot shorter than me and probably a hundred pounds lighter.

I grab her foot and pull so she falls to the ground. She looks like she is in pain and I see blood on the back of her shirt. How is she bleeding? Then I remember a gunshot to the shoulder. But how would I know she got shot in the shoulder? She stares up at me with both physical and emotional pain in her eyes. I pull back my foot to kick her, but she rolls onto her knees and grabs for the gun.

I grab her by the hair and wrench her to the side and her head makes a loud thumping sound against the wall. The sound makes me sick. Did I just do that to her? Of course I did, she is the enemy.

"Tobias," she says.

I loosen my grip on her a little. I know what I feel when she says my name. I feel warmth and love, not hatred. How can I feel warmth and love if this girl is my enemy? The struggle in me is getting worse. When I hurt her, it makes everything in me, all my senses, cry out to stop. I want to lift her into my arms and hold her, not hurt her. But my mind says she must be eliminated.

She kicks back and hits me in the leg and her hair slips through my fingers. She dives for the gun again. She grabs it and points the gun right at me. She is trembling and on the verge of tears, it wouldn't be hard to disarm her.

"Tobias," she says. "I know you're in there somewhere."

I step toward her. I could disarm her easily. She stands, and is wobbly. She can barely hold the gun and it is not comfortable in her left hand. She should work on that.

"Tobias, please," she says it like she is begging me for something. There is so much love and feeling in the way she says my name. But she is the enemy. She must be destroyed. I must kill her before she kills me. "Please. See me." She pleads with me. Tears are forming in her eyes.

She is trembling and her eyes are unfocused from the tears. I could easily disarm her now. But I look at her and I still want to comfort her, I want to hold her and protect her. I don't want to hurt her anymore. How could I hurt this girl that makes me feel loved, desired, and safe? Why is my mind telling me that someone that makes me feel like this is my enemy?

Simulation… She said I'm in a simulation. But I'm Divergent, I can't be. But what if I am? What if that is why everything is so jumbled?

But she is the enemy and she must be destroyed. But why? I can't tell what is real and isn't anymore. Maybe she is right; maybe I am in a simulation. But how?

She stands, the gun still pointed at me and steps toward me. With pain in her eyes and tears streaming down her face, she turns the gun and places it in my hand.

What is this? What is she doing? Why would she give up?

I point the gun to her head. Her tears have stopped and she reaches her hand out and puts it on my chest at my heart. She looks at me with pleading eyes. She doesn't say anything else. But the feel of her hand on my chest sends a warm tingling feeling through my body. I feel love, longing, and desire. Not a desire to hurt her but to feel her body against mine. I want to hold her, comfort her, and I want her to comfort me.

I click the bullet into the chamber.


	31. Chapter 31

I own nothing!

Chapter 31

I stand there with the gun pointed to her head ready to shoot. But I don't. I can't explain it but there is no way I can shoot this girl.

Simulation…

My heart is pounding against my chest, I'm sure she can feel it. I glare down at her; I can't understand why I can't do what I'm supposed to do.

"Tobias," she says. "It's me."

She says this with so much love that I just stand there.

She steps forward and wraps her arms around me. Her head fits perfectly on my chest where my heart is. I stand stiff but I know I have felt this before. I know this girl has been close to me, to my heart before. The feeling confuses me even more, but I know I can't do anything to hurt her.

My heart races at her embrace. She holds on to me tighter, like her life… like my life depends on this embrace. Maybe it does.

I grab her shoulders tightly and pull her away from me. I stare into her eyes. They are eyes that I know, eyes that have shown me more love than I have ever known.

Tris. I know her, I love her!

"Tris," I say to her. I pull her to me and kiss her like I have never kissed her before.

I wrap my arms around her and lift her to me, holding her as tightly to me as I can. I tremble as I hold her. I hurt her, I almost killed her.

I put her down but I keep hold of her. I stare into her eyes again; I can see the love in her eyes. I touch her face, her forehead, her cheeks, and her mouth. I look at every inch of her face memorizing every feature, every line and crease.

I let a sob escape me and I lean in and kiss her again. Tears stream from my eyes uncontrollably. I almost kill her. The woman that I love and I hurt her, I almost killed her.

She buries her face in my chest and begins to cry again. All of the adrenaline has left her and she is weak. I hold her supporting her weight.

"How did you do it?" she asks me weakly.

"I don't know. I just heard your voice."

XXX

She pulls back from me and wipes her face. Then she turns to the computers and I realize what has been happening.

"Was I running the simulation?"

"I don't know if you were running it so much as monitoring it," she tells me. "It's already complete. I have no idea how, but Jeanine made it so it could work on its own."

"It's… incredible. Terrible, evil… but incredible."

On the screens I can see three people in the Pit being surrounded by Dauntless soldiers that are under the simulation.

"Tobias," she says. "Now!"

I run to the computer screen and begin typing in access codes to disarm the simulation. This is what I have been doing all day, trying to stop the simulation. But all I was doing was keeping it going.

Tris watches as the soldiers advance on the group of people sitting there. She is visibly upset. I work as fast as I can, typing in codes and pressing the screen to stop it from sending messages through the simulation, to stop what is happening.

"Tobias," she says again.

I type in a few more codes, press the screen and everyone on the floor goes still. The soldiers drop their arms to their sides.

The Dauntless are visibly confused but they are out of the simulation. That means that all of them are out of the simulation in Abnegation also.

I drop to the floor and slide the side of the case off. She looks at me like she doesn't know what I am doing.

"I have to get the data," I tell her, "or they'll just start the simulation again."

I work to pull the data disk out of the computer, "Got it."

I walk over to her. She is looking at the screen that shows the Abnegation sector. There are Dauntless fighting each other and shooting each other. It is mass chaos as black clothed people drop to the ground, people running in every direction.

"We have to leave," she says.

"Yes, we do." I wrap my arm around her and lead her out. "Come on."

We walk down the hall toward the elevator. Tris looks to the side and sees a man in grey lying on the floor surrounded by dead guards. She screams and turns away. She throws up against the wall. I know this man; it is her father, Andrew Prior.

She kneels down next to him and cries hysterically, her whole body convulses with her sobs.

XXX

She stands and I place my arm around her again. I lead her into the elevator. We move through the glass room and out the door to the outside. She is not processing what is happening around her. She is looking around but not really seeing the chaos and confusion.

When we step outside she stops, then runs toward a young man wearing grey. He runs to her and they embrace. She holds on to him tightly and I hear him say, "Dad?" This must be Caleb, Tris' brother.

She shakes her head as if telling him that their father is gone.

"Well, he would have wanted it that way."

I continue to walk toward Tris and her brother when I see him and I stop cold. My body goes rigid and I stare with every ounce of hatred in my body.

Marcus… Marcus is here coming toward me, closer and closer until he pulls me into a hug. I don't move, I just stand there frozen, looking toward the sky.

"Son," Marcus says to me.

I wince at the sound of his voice. I hate this man. I hate how he makes me feel powerless when I know how strong I am.

"Hey," I hear Tris' voice from a few feet away. She runs to me and puts herself between me and Marcus. "Hey. Get away from him."

She presses her back into my chest and her presence makes me stronger.

"Stay away," she growls.

"Beatrice, what are you doing?" Caleb asks her.

"Tris," I say.

Marcus looks at her with such loathing and resentment that I need to protect her from him.

"Not all of those Erudite articles were full of lies," she says narrowing her eyes at Marcus.

"What are you talking about?" Marcus asks her. "I don't know what you have been told Beatrice, but…"

"The only reason I haven't shot you yet is because he's the one who should get to do it," she says. "Stay away from him or I'll decide I no longer care."

I slip my hands around her arms and squeeze.

"We have to go," I say to her. "The train should be here any second."

I guide her toward the train tracks, holding on to her every moment. I know Marcus, Caleb, and Peter are following. Why is Peter here?

"Sorry," I hear Tris mutter to me.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," I take her hand in mine and lace my fingers into hers. My hands are still shaking, but her touch makes me feel better.

"If we take the train in the opposite direction, out of the city instead of in, we can get to Amity headquarters," she says. "That's where the others went."

"What about Candor?" her brother asks. "What do you think they'll do?"

Tris doesn't respond. The truth is, we have no idea what Candor will do.

We stand by the tracks waiting for the train. She is dead on her feet, so I pick her up in my arms and hold her. She lays her head on my shoulder and takes deep breaths. I know she is in a lot of pain, and needs to rest for a while.

All around the city, there are people fighting and dying, most of which are Dauntless and Abnegation people. The people we care about are either dead or waking realizing that they were a part of a mass murder of a group of people. I have no idea who of my friends has survived. And I can't help but wonder about Uriah and any other Divergent, was he able to stay hidden enough to not get caught? He is my best friend's brother, I've protected him like my own throughout this process. And what about Zeke, I shudder to think.

The train arrives and I have to put Tris down so we can get on. I can see her brother looking at me, trying to figure things out. He doesn't look happy, but that is a problem for another day.

I move next to the train and easily pull myself up and in. Tris jogs for a few steps and I reach out to bring her in n with me. Peter, Caleb, and Marcus follow behind and jump on following what Tris and I did. We move against the wall and I slide down the wall to sit, pulling Tris down with me. Caleb sits across from us and Marcus and Peter sit on the other side of the car away from us. As the train turns, I can see Dauntless get smaller in the distance.

I wrap my arm around Tris and pull her tight next to me. We both pull our legs up and duck our heads down into our own little space. We stay this way for a long time just breathing each other's air and being together.

"My parents," Tris says after some time. "They died today."

She is trembling and I try to steady her. This is her reality now. Her parents are gone and she can't bring them back. I will be her family now. I will take care of her and help her to get through this and anything else that comes along.

"They died for me," she says.

"They loved you," I tell her. "To them there was no better way to show you."

She looks up at me, tears in her eyes. She used to be afraid to show me that she was vulnerable, but she isn't afraid anymore. I love that she trusts me with that part of her.

"You nearly died today," I say to her. "I almost shot you. Why didn't you shoot me, Tris?"

Everything from when I was under the simulation is coming back to me. I can remember most of it now. Thinking about it makes me sick. How I almost choked the life out of her, how I almost shot her. The bruise on her jaw is my fault.

"I couldn't do that," she says. "It would have been like shooting myself."

I lean in to her and touch her lips with mine but I don't pull back. I say to her quietly, "I have something to tell you."

She looks me in the eyes while brushing my hand with hers.

"I might be in love with you." I smile still keeping my lips next to hers. "I'm waiting until I'm sure to tell you, though."

"That's sensible of you," she says beaming. "We should find some paper so you can make a list or a chart or something."

This make me laugh. I run my nose along her jaw and kiss the soft part of her neck behind her ear.

"Maybe I'm already sure," I whisper, "and I just don't want to frighten you."

She giggles, "Then you should know better."

"Fine," I say. "Then I love you."

She doesn't say anything more, just kisses me. We kiss for a long time as the train rocks us toward a place that we might find some safety. At least for a little while.

She reaches into her pocket and takes out the simulation data. It is hard to believe that something so small could cause so much trouble. She looks at it for a long time. She turns it in her hands and out of the corner of my eye I can see Marcus looking at us. Looking at her, and the disk. She clutches it to her chest and lays her head on my shoulder. I pull her tight to me to make her as comfortable as possible. She nods off, and I hold her, protecting her from her nightmares.

The End

****Please let me know if it is worth my time to do Insurgent. If you all liked this I'll do it.****


End file.
